Everyday feels worse

Losing a parent
1

Hi,

I am really struggling to cope. My dad died on 15th November which was 8 weeks after a cancer diagnosis. My parents were my best friends, specifically my dad. The older I got the closer we got and I saw them everyday.

My parents lived 5 minutes from me and they used to call at my house every morning to collect my dog whilst I worked from home. My dad loved my dog and everytime I heard him coming up the stairs I would be pleased to see them. I’ll never hear it again. I used to love hearing the car pull up outside of my house to visit me, making them a coffee and my chats with dad. Now it’s just silence.

My dad is so ingrained in every part of my life and it feels like it ended when my dad passed away. I had no time to come to terms with dad being ill before him passing away and I honestly feel like I died when he did. I am staying with my mum and have been since dad became unwell. I can’t even go in my own house because it reminds me of a life that I loved that is no more. Everywhere I look or go I am reminded of the fact that my beautiful dad is no longer here. I feel like I’m being crushed.

I can’t get my head around the finality of losing dad and the idea that I will somehow be able to cope with this. I just want to be with my dad again. Everyday feels worse than the one before and I feel so sad and lost. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

My brother lives abroad and wasn’t as close to my dad. He sent me a picture of a Christmas tree before and I just felt like I was dying inside. The pain and loss is excruciating and I have little hope of things improving when everyday feels worse than the one before. In every situation in my life prior to this there has always been the hope that it will get better and I won’t feel as bad. In this situation I don’t have that belief.

I don’t know why I am even posting this. I don’t feel like anyone in my life understands. My mum does but she doesn’t know what to say. I need to know what my dad would say but I can’t feel him or hear him guiding me.

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2

Dear @Katherine86

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your father and that you are struggling to cope. You are in the very early stages of grief and it is a rollercoaster ride of emotions, there will be good days and bad days. In time you learn to accept that your father will not come back but that does not mean you love your father any less or forget him. Grief is journey to be taken at your pace, it is not a race.

Everyone in the Community will understand the pain you are going through and by reaching out you have made a positive move. Everything you are experiencing is part of the grieving process and normal. You can connect with members who have been in a similar situation as yourself by typing Loss of a Parent in the Search bar.

There is an informative Grief Guide by Sue Ryder that contains useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. When you feel up to it, it would be worth taking a look.

Your mum is grieving is also and is probably feeling the loss of her husband just as much as you are.

There is information on Supporting Yourself Through Grief which will be of help to you along with information on Losing a Parent . I do hope this information will be of support and help to you.

Take one day at a time and be gentle with yourself, you are not alone, we are all here for you and your mum. Please continue to reach out here at any time. If you need more information please email online.community@sueryder.org.

Take care.

Pepsi

1 Like
3

Hi Katherine

Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my Dad in April and they say it gets easier with time, slowly it gets easier… Take it easy on yourself, I felt so much pain after the initial shock… Dad was/is my everything - my best friend.
They are watching over us and looking after us — Love and peace

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