Hello all
I’m new to this site, I lost my husband of 33 years to Mantle Cell lymphoma, not curable but treatable we were told. His final course of treatment would start on the 25th September which was a cell transplant, this would make him neutropenic and he would be ill for a couple of weeks but make a full recovery and be home by the end of October.
I believed everything the nurses and doctors told me, however by the 23rd October he had died.
Just like that, gone, no chance to say goodbye or plan, just gone.
I’m constantly replaying conversations in my head, why didn’t I ask more questions, why didn’t I insist they do more, why did we agree to this treatment.
I can’t sleep, I struggle to get out of bed, I have to make myself shower - I’m a mess
Hoping just being on here allowing me to
write stuff will help
Hello Iliveinhope,
I am so sorry for your loss and what happened to your husband. My wife and I were spared the agony of a long illness as she died suddenly on the 7th of October from a blood clot. She was gone in fifteen minutes and didn’t make it to hospital.
I am tormented by guilt that I could have done something different or more to save her. I keep replaying what happened before she died looking for something that could have changed the outcome. It’s an absolute nightmare.
I am also struggling with getting through each day. Some days are better than others but every day is hard.
Please keep posting on here. I have found it a great help and everyone understands. x
Hi lliveinhope
So sorry for your loss. Its hards when yiu have so msny questions. Dont be hsrd on yourself and don’t focus on what you didn’t do. Focus on healing. It is hard but with time healing will come.
Hi Iliveinhope
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please don’t torment yourself with “what ifs”. Honestly whatever questions you might have asked it would not have changed the outcome. I know how we have to trust the medical profession. They really are trying to do the best for patients, but sometimes the disease is just too strong for the treatment. My husband had Myeloma for 10.5 years and he had two separate stem cell transplants, three years apart. I was terrified before each one knowing what a tough treatment they are and that there is no guarantee it will work.
Take every hour at a time. Be as kind to yourself as you can. Grief is very, very hard. Don’t expect too much. Congratulate yourself when you do get out of bed.
My husband had AML for 6 years which turned into Mantel Cell Lymphoma. He undertook a trial but it didnt work. He was very brave and fought hard. I miss him and feel i cant carry on like this anymore. I cry all the time and feel life not worth living at times. Im into the second year of losing him and it has not got any easier. Tried joining clubs etc but all i want is to be with him again to feel safe and secure.