Everyone around me is so very sad today

Really doing my best but finding today so hard because my children are so down and missing their dad …my husband …so much
And so are his colleagues and work mates

It’s a given that I miss him 24/7 but the strain of trying to comfort everyone else today has nearly finished me off

It’s bern 10 months now since my husband died suddenly and I am absolutely exhausted from grieving and thinking and being both mum and dad and boss

I need a break from my head
Sorry for the ramble and rant
Just had to get it off my chest
Hoping for a more peaceful day tomorrow
Romy xxxxx

hi Romy
i pray you get the strength to continue to be able support your self and the children and get through this terribly hard time in your life.
regards ian

Morning Romy,

You’ve reached overload, holding everything together whilst grieving for the loss of your loving husband has reached a point where you should step out of your 'holding it together shoes ’ and try to have some gentle moments of rest, possibly a relaxing break to restore your strength.

I admire you for what you have achieved, we can only operate on auto pilot for so long. Please try to have some quiet time for yourself and the memories you hold close.

You deserve the best after your triumph of keeping everything together.


Hi Romy. Jen’s post is so right. You can’t support everyone, and I’m not surprised you are exhausted. People perhaps younger than some of us have to cope in their own way. You are of concern to you, and being down and trying to help everyone won’t help. You sound very much like a person who feels so strongly the pain of others, and you care. And you didn’t ramble and rant either. It’s very important to unload and what better place where you have sincere friends. Take care. Take it easy. You can’t, in your present state, take the world on your shoulders.

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Dear Romy, you need to get away and take some time for you and you alone. I’m a little further on in my grief journey, it will be 2 years in June since I lost my wonderful husband and yet I still get an overwhelming urge to escape, just to get away from everyone and everything. I have just booked a couple of nights in a hotel at the beginning of August, just me (and my husband of course!). The booking alone gave me such a sense of freedom and clarity. It seemed to clear my head a little and I’m really looking forward to it. Perhaps it’s something we should all do occasionally - take a little time for us. Sending love, understanding and strength xx

Really feel for you Romy, it is so hard trying to be everything to everyone when all you want to do is hide away and lick your wounds, it is 5 months since my husband died suddenly from sepsis, sometimes I think I am still in denial, I rush around trying to do everything, my daughter is disabled, she is also a single mum and her dad was her taxi, her Gardner and her handyman, so I feel I have to fill his shoes for her. I would love to disappear for a couple of nights with my dog and justbwalkmtill I’m exhausted but unfortunately it is not an option. Take care Jan x

Hi.Jan. Being in denial is not facing what has happened. But how do you stop being in denial? Am I in denial? I often think I am, and it seems to stem from a belief that it can’t possibly have happened. Through many years of married life my wife was my rock, a safe anchorage to cling to. Now she has left for something better, but it’s so difficult to accept that it is so. I do know acceptance is the answer and I do practise as best I can. It’s only 7 months ago my wife passed, and often, as I write a post on here, it seems like a nasty dream and that I will wake up suddenly. Is that denial? Maybe. Denial or not, there is little choice but to soldier on. Take care.

Hi Romy. I have always thought you to be amazing in what you had to do and cope with. It seems to me you have had little time to grieve on your own. To feel the grief, anger, frustration. You have had to cope and care for everyone around you.
You have been given some excellent advice, well think about taking it. You need that time to yourself and let everyone else deal with their own grief.
Many have said they hate living on their own but I have actually used it to be able to grieve as I want to, when I want and how I want to. I am not accountable to anyone. My time out walking is my time to get my head around everything that is happening. I do cry while out but can get it out of my system and being out in the countryside is a form of therapy for me as is growing my veg and flowers at the allotment. You, it seems have not had the ‘luxury’ of being able to think of yourself but worry about others, so be kind to yourself. Start from tomorrow and plan something you want to do and re-charge those overworked batteries… Bless Pat xxx

Thank you Pat and everyone for taking the time to message me and advise me
I am home alone now for a couple of hours
I have stuff to do tomorrow but I don’t think I have to do anything for anyone on Saturday
It is supposed to be a nice day so I will try and think tomorrow what I would like to do on Saturday …something different from what I’ve been doing since last summer
Dogs , horses , work , shopping and everything else that goes with having a family and a business to take care of
I will let you know how I get on
Hope everyone else does something nice for themselves too this weekend
Much love and big hugs
Romy xxxxx

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Hi Romy, don’t doubt you are going to make an effort to do something different but you are talking about the odd day and you need much longer than that. Can someone look after your animals, your business, work, shopping. You need to switch off phone and try to relax over a length of time. If you don’t you will burn yourself out and then everyone will have to look after you. Sorry to be a bossy boots but you have had so much to take care of and no time for yourself.
Don’t know what you like to do as relaxation but do it. My dogs, walking and allotment are my saviours and I am so thankful to have them.
Best wishes Pat xxx

Hi Pattidot
It’s very kind of you to message me
My day off has sort of degenerated
First of all my daughter who was going to a wedding had a wardrobe malfunction so it was mum to the rescue
So because I was out I called in work to see how they were getting on down there
So have only just had my lunch now
I have walked my dogs and text a couple of friends and had a good chat with two of my husband’s close friends
We have a villa in Mallorca but the thought of packing to go without him and being there without him is too much for me even if I go with my kids and meet our friends there
At the moment I just feel like a spare part when I am with a group of people even though I know they love me and want what’s best for me
Trouble is I don’t know what’s best for me
I don’t know how to relax without my husband
It still doesn’t feel real that’s he’s gone and never coming back
Any free time we had we were either together or with the family
I still spend loads of time with my kids and their partners
We all had tea together last night and probably will again tomorrow night
I don’t know what to say about me really
There is no one I want to spend any length of time with except my husband even though I love them all dearly
The next thing I need to do is sort out his headstone and work out with the girls what we want to put on it
The stonemason is going to meet me up the church next week
Anyway I am rambling now
I still have horses to feed and am probably going to watch the football with some of my children etc at teatime and play with the puppy
Then it will be time for tea and probably watch some more telly because I can’t be bothered to do anything else . I’m very tired

All in all I suppose I’m a bit of an emotional mess …floundering at the moment
Sending hugs
Romy xxxxx

I just need to try and find something of my own to be a bit more enthusiastic about I think .

PS I have bought myself a jigsaw so maybe I will start that later tonight rather than watching the telly . Who knows ? The excitement is intense …! X

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