I’m only on day six of losing my partner of 17 years completely unexpectedly and already I feel like giving up. I’ve barely got out of bed for two days, what’s the point? I feel like there is absolutely nothing to get up for now. Life without him is going to be so hard and lonely. We did everything together. Just the thought of plodding on and carrying on all the mundane things fills me with dread. I just can’t be bothered with anything or anyone now. I’m only 38 and the thought of spending the rest of my life like this terrifies me 
Everytime something horrible happened in life I’d jump into bed at the end of the day and he’d be there to give me a hug but this time I have to face it alone 
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I’m sorry we can’t take away your pain. Its a cruel world and it doesn’t make any sense at all. We’ll never know why this happens. It’s all too much! Have you got someone at home with you? Ali
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Dear @LostLil
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your partner, I can feel your pain in your post. I wish I could take your pain away. You are still in the very early stages of grief and it is a horrible journey to be on. Until you experience it, no one can explain what it is really like. We all understand here having lost a loved one.
Have you looked at any of the Sue Ryder resources? I have had a look and the following below might be of help to you along with a blog on Losing a Partner
- The self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief Grief Guide
- Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. This service is also useful for family and friends
- Information on the Stages of Grief
- Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
You must be gentle with yourself and it is ok not to be ok as Grief is a rollercoaster ride of emotions with good days and bad days. We are here for you lovely, you are not alone. Take care of yourself.
Sending hugs.
Peppers. xx
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His family keep asking me to go down there, I know they are really worried but I’ve decided to stay at home. I’m on my own up here now but I just wanted to be at home by myself. When there are people around I just want to be alone anyway, the trying to make small talk kills me. We bought this house as a doer upper and gutted it and did it up together, it always felt so homely, I don’t know if it will feel like home without him now. Perhaps I will go down and stay with his mother for a few days. I feel so guilty that I haven’t been there with her but she has Jeffs brother, his wife and her grandson living in the same street as her so I know they are looking after her. I need to pull myself together but it’s soo hard.
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It will be hard. You love him. That’s why it’s hurting so much. Only you will know what you need but do reach out when you need to.
My mum and dad stared with me for 5 weeks. They were very understanding and when I needed my space I went to bed. Hardly talked at all in the beginning. Now I need to talk and I do have friends to talk to.
Keep walking through it all. It does get easier x
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My mam died when I was 21, I’d only been with Jeff a few months when she died. He helped me massively. He’s been my rock through so much. My dad has never been around. I really wish I had parents around right now. I have a few friends I can talk to and tonight I’ve been sharing stories about Jeff with one of them on Facebook, I sobbed a lot but it was nice. Deep down I know I was completely blessed to have spent so many years with such a wonderful man and I am forever grateful for that,some people don’t get as lucky as I did. I want to be positive and thankful but I’m just hurting so much right now
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I will definitely look into some of them tomorrow. Thank you x
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OMG Lostlil……… you mirror my emotions perfectly. My beautiful husband of 20 years died 6 weeks ago today. He was my comfort whenever I was upset or sad. Now I have no one. I feel alone in a meaningless world. At 55 I feel my life is over.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I think we are all feeling the same to be honest Do you feel any better six weeks on compared to in the beginning? Where in South Wales are you from?
No. Worse in many ways as the hustle and bustle of arranging the funeral is over. Now struggle to fill my time with anything meaningful. I am from Cardiff.
We are waiting for the post mortem results, there’s a delay on post mortems so we haven’t been able to do anything yet. Do you have a job or any hobbies to keep you busy? I’m from Merthyr.
I have taken a break from work. High stress job that requires attention to detail. Not I. The correct mindset.
My husband was unwell for a few years & I willingly cared for him. It took up most of my time, I cannot recall what I did to fill my time before that.
Really struggling to imagine a world without my husband in it.
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Lostlil
Your story resonates so much with me. How on earth are we supposed to navigate the years ahead?
Sending you love and a virtual Welsh cwtch x
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@LostLil and @Angelalouisa
It is very early days yet for both of you so don’t expect too much of yourselves. @Angelalouisa, having spent so much time caring for your husband that time will weigh heavy on you and it will be a while before you can even think about what to do. It feels early days for those of us 11 months in like me I can assure you. I can’t conceive of that much time having passed since Richard died so suddenly.
It’s an odd mix about being with people isn’t it? We want it yet we don’t. I think some people will understand that and maybe just saying in advance that you may need to be on your own for some of the time could help if you do decide to go @LostLil.
I used someone’s idea to make a memory tree with items sparking memories of Richard, either funny or loving. I also intend to make a book (or books) of memories combined with photos. The trouble is that I don’t have enough time usually to do that so have only printed some photos so far.
Sending you both my love
Karen xxx
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7 and a half weeks for me and feel crap today. Was ok for a bit but today sucks. Need to go back to work to occupy myself but not sure I can cope with it. Will find out next week as going back Tuesday.
I can’t sit at home wallowing in self pity, it’s not good for me! Everyone around me is moving on with life and that’s what I need to do. My man is gone, he’s not coming back and I need to accept that and crack on. Life is so bloody tough. I don’t want to live my life like this, it wasn’t supposed to be this way! We had plans, we had a future and it’s all gone.
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Oh how much I would love a cwtch off him right now
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@Ali29
As you may know from my posts, I am a person who believes in accepting what has happened and making a life. I do think though that you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it when it is too difficult to do so and it is very early days yet. Each day is different - even now for me 11 months on - and what you will feel up to doing will be different.
Maybe set smaller goals for now and know you have achieved something with being kinder to yourself.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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Ali29 I empathise with you. I also feel robbed. We had plans. It wasn’t supposed to end like this.
I hope work helps to provide a focus, and perhaps a distraction for a few hours each day. For me it is 6 weeks & I cannot envisage a time when I will be able to return.
Take care and I hope the next step helps.
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Hopefully going back to work will give you some routine and help take your mind off things. Jeff always used to say you can’t sit around crying after someone dies, you have to get on with things because the loved ones you lost would want that. Easier said than done though because as much as I know they would hate to see us like this we can’t help it. It’s the people left behind that have to deal with the heartbreak 
I hope everything goes ok for you on your first day back x
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