Everything is different

I lost my soulmate and partner of 26 years last November and I know life will never be the same. If it wasn’t for my lovely children (14 and 20) I’m not sure I could carry on - there seems little point. I’m torn in so many ways and my emotions are all over the place. I worry about the future so much and I worry about my children - how can I be enough for them, how can I make some kind of worthwhile life for them out of what is left? It feels like a bomb has gone off in the middle of our lives and there’s no way to fix everything that is now so broken.

She and I were quite different but that’s probably what made our relationship work. She was so sociable and had many friends where as I am the complete opposite. I don’t know how I’ll ever pull myself out of this dreadful place and some days I don’t know if I want to. It’s a monumental challenge just to get out of bed in the morning.

I hope that somehow time will make things feel better but I really don’t have much faith that it will.

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Hi Mark, I am so sorry for your loss. So many years with a partner and then suddenly she is taken away all too quickly. You need to give yourself time to grieve and to come to terms (if that’s possible) with your loss. Though I don’t suppose any of us actually “come to terms” with our loss. I was with Joyce for 27 years and had three step children. Although none living at home, like you I was also worried about how my loss would affect them but I was amazed at how they coped. Your children will want to see that you are coping (even if you are not) so do talk with others, on this site or elsewhere for support.

Best wishes

What you’re feeling is so normal. It takes all your energy to wake up and step back into a world that has been shattered. Like you, I have two kids - well young adults, but too young to have lost their dad so suddenly. They are my only purpose now as everything that we planned for the future has gone. Just take it one breath at a time and eventually you will get to taking it one hour at a time and then one day at a time. You can sign up for counselling here or with Cruse if you think it will help to talk to someone. As people on here know, it is a lonely journey but people here will understand so keep posting. Take care

Hi John, thanks for taking the time to reply. So sorry for your loss.

Thank you Jules, I feel exactly the same, my children are my only purpose now and I’m so grateful to have them. I’ve already had many kind words from people on here - only posted for the first time yesterday.

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Hi Mark. Like you I lost my partner last November. We also met 27years ago . Every day is different some days I can cope and other days I feel that I can’t go on . I’ve only just started to open up to friends and family and it is helping and I’m making more effort to get out . Grieving is a slow process and you have to take it a day at a time it just shows how much love you have for that person.

Hi Lyndielou, thanks for responding. I’m so sorry that you are also on the same path as me. I too have recently been making the effort to go out but isn’t it hard when you’re used to being part of a couple?

Hi Mark. Thank you for your kind words . It is very hard going about your life alone when you are used to doing things as a couple but you have to make an effort and find things to fill your days. I have just come home from a weekend away with my son,daughter, son-in-law, I enjoyed the weekend but coming home to a empty house is very hard I don’t think I will ever get used to being on my own. Sometimes I feel that I will never be happy again.

I lost my husband of 25years last November 2020. I have 4 step- children all adults with their own families. I feel utterly alone. I have friends but those who are couples seem to be keeping away. It’s a misery I’m just out to g one foot on front of the other.
Tricia

Hi Tricia. I know exactly what you are feeling . I also feel alone and can’t see any future I have two grown up children my daughter is married and my son has his own home they are very good but life is not the same anymore . I work 3 days a week and it helps a little and I have a dog who I walk everyday but that’s about it.

Hi Tricia, I do know how you must feel. I have three stepchildren all getting on with their lives. When Joyce was around there was weekly contact with them, phone calls, visits or we would visit them. Now I rarely hear from them, it’s been months for one, weeks from another and years for the youngest. I guess like you, you treated your stepchildren as if they were your own but now it seems that they have made it clear that that is not the case. I feel so sad because we had a great relationship until Joyce passed away.

Forging a new life can be a bit of a challenge, but it is worth the effort.

Take care
John

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