"Everything will be okay"

People are constantly telling me “Everything will be okay.” I dont know much right now and im not sure about anything in my life but one thing i do know for certain is that nothing will ever be okay again, nothing about any of this is okay!! He was a perfectly healthy 25 year old we were just starting our life together and the day our life was supposed to start he dies. How is any of that okay?? And all this “life goes on” crap, is that supposed to be comforting?? Is that supposed to help? Yes life goes on but its a life i never thought id have to live, a life i no longer want, a life without the person i was going to spend the rest of my life with. I dont need a reminder that my life will go on without him because to me, my world stopped the second his heart did. The worst one is “it happens” or “people die everyday” NO it doesnt just happen, this IS NOT NORMAL not to a beautiful 25 year old man who had the world at his feet. Yes people die everyday but it doesnt make it any less tragic and heart wrenching, it doesnt make it okay. Litterally the only thing i know right now is none of this is okay or normal or anything less than absolutely unbarable!!
I apologise for the rant🤦‍♀️


@SJ_c00 . No nothing will be ever be okay again. we here are going through the same indescribable pain and heartache whether young or old, nobody but us understands. people outside this community will never know until their time comes, a time l wouldn’t wish on anybody. However it takes you, roll with the waves. We are here if you need to rant again, we know.


My heart goes out to you @SJ_c00, you are so right, how can everything be ok, losing your loved one, and for you, at such a young age.Others who haven’t gone through this heartache cannot possibly understand ,so they just say these words because they feel obliged to say something positive, not realizing that this doesn’t make us feel better, it probably makes them feel better, because they’ve at least said something :confused:. We just have to adapt to this new existence where are soulmates are no longer with us physically, but they are a part of us, so that connection we had, that special bond, will continue and give us strength to go on, living our lives to honour them.
Please don’t think you are ranting, you need to release all your emotions, you can do that here, we are all here for each other to say anything we want and cry on each other’s shoulders. We all relate to your pain and there is total empathy from everyone. Talking to friends and family in our “real” world is like talking to a brick wall, unless it’s someone in our same situation.


Tgatvus why I avoid going where people know as it is so unedifying. Someone said will you come to church and I said " I don’t want to go".
Someone else said “are you ever going back?” I said “I will go when I want to”.
No different than before.
I get fed up with pressure to go somewhere when I have no inclination at all.
I would rather go where I don’t know other people so they will not say stuff.
I like it in the churchyard as everyone there is there for same reason.


No words I can say will help … Just know that here we all get each other… our losses and grief are all unique but we all understand the pain of losing a husband/wife/partner/soulmate. It’s a pain that hits and hurts and punches like like no other loss. Do what you have to, be selfish , remember it’s your grief and no one elses.

And as others have said this is the place you can say whatever you want and no apologies are ever needed.

Big hugs to you and everyone :hugs::hugs:


SJ c00. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my partner of 28 years 18 months ago. I’m in my seventies. She was 65 which nowadays isn’t really considered old. Your loss at such a young age is truly tragic. Again so sorry for your loss.


I totally agreecwith what everyone has said ,grief is unique to everyone and some people say some idiotic things although not to hurt you . You do need to only think of YOURSELF ,you are the one who is gonna get yourself through this and TRUE friends will be alongside you and still there in the months to come . Everyone thinks they know how if feels but you have to experienced it to really know and actually have to be experiencing it at the same time because your brain will try and protect you in the years ahead and your memory of your feelings will be different :heart:


People do say some stupid and trite things. My personal hate is when people say “he had a good innings”. It doesn’t matter that someone is old, especially when circumstances mean they could or would have lived much longer but for some tragic event or circumstance . And the pain of the loss is still huge. I’m a widow at 68. I didn’t expect that and although he was older than me, he was much fitter and healthier and he was actually my carer. I’m managing by myself. I have to. I’m not sorry for myself, I’m sad he didn’t have a good few more years. He loved life.


Yes I don’t feel the same donkeys years after my parents and son died as I do six months today since my husband died.
But each grief was different.
Today it is significant because all the time I have been thinking how long I have been without my husband on my own alone whereas I never thought that with the others.
A husband who has been there with you over fifty years and suddenly not is so different.
You feel your life is never the same but with parents and a stillborn that just isn’t there. Pain awful about a son because of what he never had. For a while life gone and never lived I used to imagine what he would have been doing has he lived his life and awful painful what stupid things others said then I will never forget the pain too from how they belittled his value as if it wasn’t as bad as if he had lived but it was worse.
Lasted longer.
I grieved my parents but ring an orphan felt awful strange and hated what happened to them too. That all of those deaths were through negligence. Not getting care medically and my father being tossed off so he died terribly.
I felt my husband’s death was preventable too.
But have accepted about that my husband died and that’s that now.
Still fees raw but not like at first. Feel so sad he isn’t here and we both are missing nice weather and chance to go somewhere nice. If I go somewhere nice I just miss him all more as remember when he was here.
I sort of need to though to lay the ghost. To say to myself he will always walk beside me perhaps even when someone else might too. I feel close to how he felt at the time last year knowing he was on borrowed time



:broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart: xxx

You’re so right ! My father said that to me - "it happens " and i nearly hit him !! People are so stupid ! Including family !! X