Excluded at funeral by family and after

I was treated in my opinion badly on the day my dad died, at the funeral and continue to be excluded by family. I didn’t really see my dad for a few years as I didn’t like his wife. On the day of the funeral I wasn’t asked if we wanted to walk behind the coffin. My sis had words she had written read out my brother was asked if he wanted anything said but I wasn’t asked. I was told nobody was going to the crem but they did. I asked for a copy of dads letter but they won’t give it. There was a mistake on the order of service I asked twice if this was the date dad died no response so I had to get a copy of the certificate. Dad died from pancreatic cancer so it was very quick. Had a friend and husbands cousin who died from heart attacks in early fifties aunt and uncle died my dads siblings and my husbands aunt died. Have no contact with siblings despite me trying and I have no idea what I have done wrong. I’ve given up trying which is hard as my child has no contact with his cousins now. My sibling love my dads wife I don’t like her always had a strained relationship. She was horrible to me on the day my dad died I wasn’t horrible to her at all. I have nothing of dads I’m dreading the first announce October and want to do something with my child and husband.


Hello @Jackjack ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

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I have just gone through something so similar to you

Hi Jack.

Firstly, I am sorry you have been excluded in such a difficult time.

I have also experienced something similar. My partner died unexpectedly and I was the last person to see or speak to him.

I was completely excluded from everything. No answers or acknowledgment of our strong relationship. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I am now having to get support professionally.

She mentioned to me that it is very important for me to do my own rituals to remember him. Maybe you could do the same. You will always be your Dads son! They can never take that away from you.

Do little things to make yourself feel better.