I have a feeling I am just going to have to wait this out.
I am exhausted, never been so tired. I do sleep and struggle to stay awake. That said I am waking up at silly o’clock most days. But do not wake up feeling any better.
I’m putting this down to grief and the stress of watching my partner slowly fade away and the pass. It has been an emotional period. And certainly for a long period before Paula passed I bottled a lot of things up.
I’m finding just doing day to day basics an up hill struggle. The same with work. I can’t afford to take any more annual leave (I used most of it to be at the hospital) and we don’t get compassionate leave.
Sleep and rest isn’t helping, have been trying to get to the gym, gentle walking.
Any advice or tips on getting past this ?
I’ve a feeling the answer is time and waiting for it to pass.
I’m afraid you answered your own question. Your phrase “I am exhausted, never been so tired” gave me a flashback to that period… the tiredness was off the scale. I felt I had a decade of carer tiredness on top of the crushing weight of loss and it wiped me out beyond anything I’d really experienced before.
If you are sleeping at night that is great as many don’t. I seemed to watch TV all night for many months. I’m appalled your employer expects you at work. Is that even legal not to get compassionate leave for losing a spouse.
That hasn’t given you any advice though sorry. Distraction and things I absolutely had to focus on helped a bit. But it does slowly reduce. But it is going to take time. Accept you are living life in first gear for a while and that is ok.
I think I knew the answer before I even posted the question.
I’ve never felt so tired. And sleep isn’t touching it.
As for work I did Google it and they only have to offer unpaid leave as a minimum. Anything else is at their discretion.
I’m on minimum wage, minimum hour contract. Annual leave will quite often be used if I have to go sick as I can’t afford to live on SSP. Although I usually work through it if I am ill. I’m getting on a bit now and it’s not so easy. There is no way I could afford unpaid leave. Especially given the cost of living.
I do relate. She only pays me when I’m at work and when there’s no work or if I’m sick, it’s my bad luck, she will never pay for it. I don’t know how I’ll survive this winter, because she hired another person and if she will split my income, I’m done. No social security for me, nothing at all, except a card that I can use for buying groceries, because my income is small. Little by little I put aside money for a property tax and the summer is the only time when I can do it. I live all alone in a foreign country and I took a job that is not what my education deserves, because I have to pay bills for my house. I don’t know what to do, except working like a horse, or leave… I’d like to help you, but I don’t know how to help myself…
Janka
Hi Twoflower, I think it’s important to look after yourself and that old Latin phrase about healthy body healthy mind plays out in bereavements too. Plenty of exercise improves sleep and boost endorphins which helps general wellbeing. The more time you spend out in nature the better, not to mention eating healthy and generally looking after yourself. None of these things are a miracle cure but together with a positive attitude will help you to survive
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Hi Janka, your job sounds very precarious, will you qualify for any form of retirement from the US government when you reach retirement age? Or from your country of birth? It’s something to consider when it comes to staying there or not.
wishing you all the best
Tom
Good question, Tom! For sure I’ll get it in my country, because I’m a citizen there and they probably put together working years there and here together. I still have some time to decide. Till then I want to work as much as possible.
Janka
