Hello
I’m new to this.
I lost both my parents this year, 16 weeks apart. I was totally unprepared for the exhaustion of grief, the overwhelming finality of death.
My Mum died a few weeks ago, my Dad in the summer. It’s too much to process.
Hi @Annie139
I feel your pain. I’m so sorry for your losses. To lose both your parents in such a short time frame is horrific.
I lost my mum nearly 5 months ago & I’m tired all the time. I’ve no patience & can’t see the point in anything. I don’t want to see anyone. I feel a bit like a zombie & that this can’t be real. I try not to think as my thoughts will always come back to mum & then it’ll be more tears. My face & around my eyes is now always streaked & crusty with the salt from my tears.
Thank you for reaching out, I counselled children through bereavement in my working life, but the total exhaustion has knocked me.
I keep wondering how a people can be here one minute and gone the next.
I can’t apply the theories and help to myself that I advised others of.
Look after yourself, I’d say cry when you need to. There is something so desolate inside that me that I can’t explain, I know it’s called grief , but it’s like nothing I’ve ever known.
I send you my support.
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I feel the same. The emptiness inside me is all consuming. Nothing matters anymore. I’m just existing day to day.
I’m so very sorry. I’ve lost both my parents too, but years apart, and I’m a mess. I can’t even begin to imagine how it must be for you right now. 
I feel exhausted as well, incredibly tired by and of everything. I guess our brains work overtime trying to make sense of things and crying so much takes a lot of energy.
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Me three. Barely existing day to day. 
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I’m new here, so apologies if I’m not replying in the correct way.
Thank you for replies.
I feel as if there are 2 versions of me, the before and the after. The person I was when I had my parents and the person I am now .
I send support to you.
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Any way you want to reply is good @Annie139
I know exactly what you mean. The me now is not really living. I’m just existing. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. That happy, confident, contented person died with mum.
Hi Anna 321
I really had no idea how profound grief could be, until my parents died
MY dad died suddenly of a heart attack, he was 85.
Mum gave up and faded away, she was 86.
People say how lucky I was to have them for so long, maybe that’s true but it’s not helpful right now .
I think our parents are our buffer zone from the world, and the loss of the buffer zone as well as the loss of deep bond between parent and child is indescribable.
I’ve found losing myself in books helpful, I couldn’t tell you what the book was about, but reading occupied my mind for a wee while.
I wish you peace.
Hi Ulma
Yes, you could be right. Our brain i working overtime to accept the loss could be an explanation for the exhaustion.
I’ve also lost my appetite and sleep is hard.
I’ve also become incredibly anxious that something will happen to one of my children or Grandchildren. I tell myself it’s silly, but I worry constantly.
That’s where reading comes in, it distracts my mind for a wee while.
I wish you peace.
Hi @Annie139
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your parents.
For me, it helps to simply ‘exist’. Almost like going into robot mode.
Drink water, eat food, sit down, wait for bedtime. It makes the waves of grief more manageable.
I’m unsure if this is helpful, but I thought I’d share it with you.
Best,
AlexTrayce
Thank you for sharing that Alex, it is helpful.
I have no expectations of anything, I do only just get through the days.
I have no enthusiasm for ‘normality’ . I don’t think anything will ever be normal again.
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I also think you are very wise, Alex. By going into robot mode, energy is conserved.
I wish you well.
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Hi @Annie139
I also didn’t anticipate the depth of my grief. My dad passed away near Christmas 14 years ago & although it was awful & the worst thing that had ever happened to me, after 18 months or so I could function. My mind may have blocked out the memories of this time but I do remember that being with mum & making sure she ate & drank helped me. I was able to be strong for mum as she was devastated. Now I know mum was strong for us.
Having lost mum 5 months ago tomorrow I’m completely floored. I’m passed being in shock but it still feels like a nightmare. I feel so empty.
I do exactly what @AlexTrayce says & just sit, drink, eat & try to sleep. I’ve no interest in actually doing anything but I can’t really go on like this can I.
I don’t know, I’ve somehow managed a year feeling empty like that, but it isn’t sustainable and drains you completely.
I think I coped better when I lost mum because I had dad to help, to be strong for and care about. Now it’s like falling with nothing to hold on to and no one to catch me.
Sending hugs to everyone.
Yes, it’s like falling with no one to catch me!
It’s only two weeks since we buried Mum, it’s all still so raw.
I’ve been hurt by folk I thought were friends. They sent cards and flowers, came to visit etc when Dad died. But absolutely nothing for Mum. It’s like my new grief , or my Mum, doesn’t matter. It really hurts.
I just want to hibernate.
Sending hugs and support to all.
Yes @Ulma, I too was stronger when dad died as I still had mum. But now I’ve no one & it hurts so much.
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@Annie139, it’s really early days for you in the grieving process so my heart goes out to you.
Shame on your friends! Times like this really show you who is in your corner. Your mum does matter.
I was told I shouldn’t allow myself to wallow in my grief.
Yes, you’re right. I’m really finding out who is in my corner. We can’t be told how to forever, or how long we can grieve. I guess we have to find a way through. But I will do it without false friends around me, I will just slowly back off from them. I have no headspace for these kind of people. Thank you for saying my Mum mattered . I miss her so much .
How awful that your friends have acted that way. Of course your mum matters. A lot.
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