Hi all,
I lost my husband in August. I have 2 young kids. I’m kinda struggling especially today. Wanted them to have some kind of Xmas but went out to get food shopping and it was so very hard. I just cried so much in the car. At the beginning I think I sensed him, had some signs and now I don’t and I feel very alone and lonely. I was a sahm so I don’t really have work friends or many people to turn to although some neighbours been kind. In my free time I just made music and did creative things but made no money at that and now I can’t create anything because it’s like I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel a bit like looking into the abyss. Is this it? I thought I was a quite spiritual person and now I just feel empty and feeling like life is pointless. Like there were definitely signs but now I think maybe I was just imagining it because why would they go? I feel like get my kids to 18 and let me be done with this. I like when I fall asleep and always hope to connect with him in dreams (doesn’t happen) and then I wake up around the time he died and there’s that peace when you sleep and then that split second where you think it’s a normal day and then it hits you like a brick. I don’t really want to be here anymore but I guess I have to for the kids ofc but I still feel it that way. 4 months in and I feel worse. I don’t even have a career to turn to I just raised my kids. He was an amazing husband and dad and let me do this and we were all so close. I feel in a way the kids are doing better than me. Feel broken. I feel like I spend a lot of my time looking at stuff about afterlife stuff. I always felt a bit like I was only 1 foot in this world, I felt I met him before like everything in my life led me to him. We were pretty unconventional and eccentric I guess you could say. Very matched on humour, wavelength, vibration whatever but now I suddenly feel firmly pushed into ‘reality’ and I’m sort of not used to it and it feels cold and alienating and I hate it. I feel lost from my soul I guess right now. I always had synchronicities in life. I always lived my life according to what I picked up intuitively, I even kind of felt it, that something was going to happen but I didn’t know who and I was worried it was the kids. Anyone relate?
Hello SpacePetal
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Rhi
SpacePetal, you are not alone in wondering why this has happened. I lost my wife so quickly five weeks ago that the whole of her family and friends are still reeling from the shock. She was a committed Christian, a Professed Franciscan, the local minister of the Secular Franciscan Order, a regular church goer, a reader and an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion in her Catholic church, a chorister and soloist among other things. We have no idea why she was taken so suddenly, except that she died on the very day, almost to the hour, when she was to stand down as the SFO Fraternity Minister. So it’s almost like her work was done? We can only hope that she is where her beliefs would mean she is now. I have to believe in what she believed in or wouldn’t be able to comprehend what’s happened or why. None of us really know 100%, but my own mother had an ‘out of body’ experience when in hospital a number of years ago, and she recounted to us later everything that had happened during her operation. She said she was watching everything from the corner of the ceiling. I hold on to the hope and belief that things will get better in time.
God bless, with much love. M
Spacepetal. I don’t know why but you came into my mind this morning. When we spoke around Christmas, my username was just Marnee, but I changed it when I felt comfortable using my real first name, Nigel.
I hope you and your family have managed to feel less devastated than before, and that life is less stressful than it was. It’s hard to put into words that don’t sound totally crass, but what I am trying to say is how are you doing? From my own experience I know the answer to that question, but I do now normally have more good days than bad days, and certainly more good days than back last December. I hope you are too.
God bless. Nigel xxxx
Hi Nigel,
Ah what a nice surprise that you contacted me. Lovely to hear from you. I’m glad to hear that you are having a few better days at least. It does come in waves doesn’t it? Sometimes you don’t know what you are going to get when you wake up. I’m really touched by your lovely message. It’s so very kind. Yes we are trying to make the best of it, ‘grinding on’ as my husband would have said. I’m trying to do lots of positive, peaceful things which I actually feel are guided by him as I never thought of some of them before. I spend quite a bit of time in the park with my dogs just listening to the birds. I have an app which lets you record birds and then it tells you what they are. I also started to play my husband’s flute so taking some lessons and I feel very connected to him through that actually. Today I went to get some pots and seeds to grow some flowers for him over the summer. I’m not a natural gardener so we’ll have to see how that goes! Other than that running the kids about who are doing as well as I can hope really. Hope you have some family around you right now. 7 months on and I do think although I don’t feel his presence all the time there have definitely been specific things which makes me think they are there and sometimes it can be quite present and then at others it’s more like guidance. Much love to you and thank you again. I really appreciate it. God Bless xx
Hi SpacePetal, I’m pleased to hear you and the children are doing as well as can be expected. It must be so hard on them too. Also that you’re finding positive things to do - keeping busy is, I find, a great help. I particularly like that you are taking up your husband’s flute. Good luck with the lessons and I hope you get really good at playing. I’m trying to recall all my piano lessons from way back, as I learnt to Grade 8 but it’s many years ago. I need to find some really easy pieces - and some time - and hopefully can then progress. I’ve a lovely electric piano that Mary loved to play and sing along to.
I’m hugely lucky to have all my family within 3 miles of me - 19 of them in total - with my youngest daughter and her family living literally next door and my youngest son 200 yards away. I’m so very frequently included in what they are doing, such as dinner with my eldest daughter last night. I hope you have family nearby too.
Take car. Much love to you all. Nigel xxxx