Deb and Gav do people on here meet up? Or is that private?
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Yeh they do… im meeting a few of the ladies from on here tomorrow and another who lives locally, next week, going for a coffee . If you bide your time you should hopefully find someone who lives fairly close to you x
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That’s lovely Deb, it does help to be with people who know exactly what you are going through and yes I like to get to know someone first before meeting them. Hope it all goes well x
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I am lucky to have a few good friends but none of them have experienced loss of a husband/partner so they don’t truly understand x
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You could all become really good friends and that is a positive out of all this crappy grief
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Yeh it is… one of the ladies i have been speaking to for months so be nice to see her in person - i don’t think unless you been through it you really understand. I have a few dog walking friends near me, lovely lovely people but they dont truly understand loss like this xx
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As Deb said, I think there are meet ups. Personally I don’t think that’s for me, but it is nice that I’ve met someone on here I chat to. We just ask each other how the day went, what’s for dinner… and did you see that crap on the telly! It’s that every day natter I think we all miss. For me friendship is so important, even if you never meet that friend… You still have someone to talk to, that knows. If you ever fancy a natter, please do msg me 
you really can’t have too many friends in life.
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It’s well things may turn down on you but always remember the good times and believe things will be more better again
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Existing is not enough but how do you get past that, answer you do for a while, but grief never truly goes away
It will be two years in June, I thought it would get easier, but I wake every day and miss my husband, when you loose your soulmate your whole life changes, your not a couple and overtime friends expect you too have moved on.
When I actually lost my husband they were brilliant and rallied round couldn’t have asked for better support, but things change their lives are full, you are not part of a couple so you don’t see people as you used to. They tell you about their plans by text or phone and you realise over and over that you have nobody to make plans with, nobody to share a laugh, a grump or just share the mundane things of life with. Becuase of my age other friends have health problems either themselves or their partners so you feel guilty if your not always on top form, you try and support them as best you can and don’t say how you feel as they have their own problems. But their problems bring back what you went through and you feel so sad that they are on that journey.
I keep super busy have joined new clubs I try not to dwell on what I once had, but those bad days still get you, you think your ok and wham it’s like you lost that very special person yesterday, some days I miss him so much it just destroys temporarily what you’ve tried to rebuild , I give myself a good talking to and try and get back on track but I guess it’s always there you just have to deal with the bad days, when you tell your friends that your down in the dumps a bit they get cross because they think you should be over it, really ! They are not in your shoes I hope they never will be.
Friends say move house you have too many memories but what they don’t realise is that you’d take those with you, you dont just stop grieving it changes over time, it’s no longer the overwhelming uncontrollable grief , it’s just an inner sadness that never truly goes. It was second time lucky for me I was so happy to have had that second chance , friends have even said you weren’t with him that long but if it’s 17 or 50 years what doesit matter the grief is because you’ve lost the other half of you years don’t come into it. I ask do you get rid of grief, I dont think you do, you miss that cuddle that support when things go wrong, the companionship, you feel guilty for envying what others still have, and they ask what’s your problem when you get a bit down at facing another the weekend on your own another dinner for one or not bothering, they say what’s the problem its all in your head weekend is no different , well they are not in your shoes it is. So you feel even more isolated because now you can’t talk anymore to those friends about how you feel because according to them you should be absolutely fine, so another door closes. I do have family but they are grown up and busy they don’t call or ask how you are though you ask them how they’re doing, sad to say it’s one way street, thats kids, my second family drifted away unhelpful friends say well what did you expect, i think life is sometimes just rubbish, but you have to battle on .
So it’s best foot forward again and try and work out where you go from here, where do you fit in, sometimes it feels like nowhere, like today, but tomorrow hopefully the sun will shine and for a while I can forget and be in the now, I’ll enjoy my clubs , my garden and the occasionally coffee with a mate, I will be ok again being on my own for a while and try and be content, but it will never be enough and I have to come to terms with that, accept the laughter with not so close friends they don’t criticise they don’t know the sadness that lays behind the smile so it easier to be in the moment.
I guess its just a seesaw i have to deal with ups and downs, hopefully not too many downs, Id welcome any advice about the “moving on” advice i get from friends it hurts and makes me cross as I think I’ve done quite well just a few wobbles.
I am so sorry for all who are missing their loved ones and struggling I wish things were easier for all I know it’s not so sending you all a virtual hug x
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Dear @Chrisj
Thank you for post all your thoughts.
I feel just like you. 19 months for me on Sunday. Feels so short and so long at the same time.
It’s the intense loneliness even when with people. I still work full time, and long hours, I walk our dogs, I visit the pub, routines…
Everyone thinks I’m okay, or should be okay. Very very few people ask any more. They ask how are you, but only in the way they ask everyone else.
And all anyone wants to hear is you say ‘okay’, then they can move on and forget. But we can never forget, grief is our constant companion.
I’ve been having a really hard time the last few weeks. Feel like I’ve gone backwards , everything so much harder again.
I’m learning to take my grief with me.
Accept it, let it be what it needs to be for that moment, that day.
At the moment my grief needs me to look after it extra hard. So I’m allowing it to do what it wants, and not fighting it.
And when, if I get moments when it’s not quite so intense, I’ll give it a pat on the back, and not allow it to
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Dear @Chrisj
Thank you for post all your thoughts.
I feel just like you. You describe it so well. 19 months for me on Sunday. Feels so short and so long at the same time.
It’s the intense loneliness even when I’m with people. I still work full time, and long hours, I walk our dogs, I visit the pub, routines…
Everyone thinks I’m okay, or should be okay. You are right everyone thinks we should be okay.
Very very few people now ask any more. They ask how are you, but only in the way they ask everyone else.
And they don’t want you to hear you say you’re not okay. If you dare to tell the truth about how you feel, get the response ‘why is that!!!’
Why do they think???
all anyone wants to hear is you say ‘okay’, so they can say that’s good to hear, and then they can move on and forget.
But we can never forget, grief is our constant companion.
I’ve been having a really hard time the last few weeks. Feel like I’ve gone backwards , everything so much harder again.
I’m learning to take my grief with me.
Accept it, let it be what it needs to be for that moment, that day.
At the moment my grief needs me to look after it extra hard. So I’m hugging it, and allowing it to do what it wants, and not fighting it.
And when I get moments when it’s not quite so intense, I’ll give it a pat on the back, and not allow it to make me feel guilty. But I’ll still take it with me, and let it give me the strength to put one foot in front of the other, and keep going.
What other choice do I have?
About to paint that smile on my face, and go out of the front door to go to work.
Love, hugs and strength to you for another day
l
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Sorry about posting twice the first one looked like it wouldn’t let me edit when I tried to add more text, and then like it hadn’t saved…
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Hope your day is a good one Cath, it can be
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Aw … what a lovely heartfelt post… and so true. My family thought i should move on afyer the funeral. Theyre a strange bunch of people. Not much emotion or empathy in my family. I found more compassion from strangers. Ive made new friends because i have found the old ones rubbish now we are just by ourselves and not with our partner. Its a lonely road i know. 15 months for me … i think getting involved with other people, things, certainly helps , which you are doing … talking to people who understand us xx
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