I’m having a bad day, moment… I feel the weight of the world on me today, no particular reason. It’s just landed again.
I have a brother a mother and a father, but no family.
I have a lot of people I think of as mates/friends… But I have no friend
I know a lot of people that need help, but I have no one to care for or help.
I never thought I would ever find a woman that I could spend my life with, but I did… My soul mate. The chance of that happening again is so small it’s almost impossible.
I feel like I’m just existing now, and almost no point in bothering. Don’t worry, I’m not switching the lights out… But I am shutting down slowly.
I know life can change in the most amazing or devastating ways in an instant. I’ve seen the devastation… But I can’t ever see the amazing happening again, I’m too broken.
I told her I’d try my best for a year, that year is nearly up and I’ve achieved so little… I keep telling myself the grandkids and her daughter need me, but they don’t really. I just can’t see any reason to exist, I know people care but I don’t get much care… I could scream for help for days and no one would hear, there is no one to help me. I wish I had a friend like me, but I don’t.
Have you tried reaching out to your mates and telling them how you feel? There might be more support than you think. I’ve always found it hard to talk about my feelings but I have been dong it more since I lost my partner 3 months ago and I’ve found out people care more than I realised. Stay strong x
@Gav I was thinking the same today as I sat talking to the photo of my husband which is something that I do all the time. I literally said to him ‘all that love…all that love we had …’ The cruelty of sudden death is something we just never thought would happen to us. Someone shared something with me from a counselling session he went to when he lost his wife was rule # 1 just because the person has gone we don’t ever stop loving them, they’re not here to receive the love but we continue to give it all the same. I found that helpful hope you do too.
I feel like I have been chucked in a prison and the key has been thrown away and I am trapped in an empty endless void yearning for the one person who can free me from this nightmare but knowing he’s not coming to rescue me. It’s hard to see any path ahead that can change this awful feeling day in and day out. I sometimes wish it had been me that had been taken so this enduring pain would go away
I know it is so hard … they didnt deserve this and neither do we … but we have saved them the pain if it was the other way round … and we were there for them and loved them right until the end … be proud of that xx
There are some vile people in this world that are still living and breathing and it makes me so angry that they get to live yet my kind, lovely man didn’t. It’s hard not to be bitter isn’t it? I often ask myself why him? I hate being on my own but I don’t trust easily so can’t see me getting close to another man again, yet another possible 20 yrs ahead of me fills me with dread!
Hi @Deb5
I agree with you, it’s one of the few things I find comfort in.
At least my lovely man hasn’t had to live with this, I would not of wanted that for him.
Love , hugs and strength my darlin’
I agree it doesnt seem fair when theres so many bad people in the world and our much loved man has gone so unfair !!! I hate being on my own too and i dont trust easily either ! But you know i have met such lovely people on this site and where i live too where i made some dog walker friends. You will be suprised that there are some nicer people out there who are kinder than you think when they know your story. Take care xx
Thank you, I have found since the funeral family and friends just drop off the face of the earth like you should have miraculously recovered but yes I have met some kind people and mainly strangers. Weird that. You take care too x
He passed on the 22 March, sudden heart attack, no warning or symptoms, one minute he was making a cup of tea and then all hell broke loose. He was on life support for 5 days and didn’t make it. I have been in shock ever since and still can’t get my head around the fact I am never going to see him again it’s heartbreaking. No time to say goodbye and our future cut short. I’m coping but just existing and the longer time goes on the harder it gets. When did you lose your husband? x
Hi LynT and Deb5, I feel for you both. Reading your words. I can’t and don’t want to imagine how horrible it would be to lose a soul mate suddenly… I was lucky enough to have 6 months caring for my girl in every way possible, took the time off work and made it count. Thankfully. It is strange how ‘strangers’ become so close in this horrible time in our lives. I’ve met someone I chat to now from here, it’s just nice to chat rubbish, but with someone who understands what’s really going on. It has been a horrible few days for me, but I’m bouncing back a bit. I hope you two do as well, it’s good to come here and dump those thoughts. I was screaming for help the other day, but couldn’t ask for it, from anyone. I’m sure you understand that. I did post something on my Facebook, ‘why scream when only the dead can hear you’… but no one got it. But I’d guess you two do
Aw … not that long then ? Not far behind me. Know exactly how u r feeling … its so hard isnt it … sometimes it still feels like a dream to me … he was by my side for 37 years … i cant believe he isnt now i dunno if we will ever get over it but i hope we can at least find some peace and happiness in our life …that would be nice wouldnt it … i get glimpses of it but not there yet … still have some tough days xx
I do like to think they are right by our side Deb, and always will be. Think of it the other way round, you’d be there for him 100% wouldn’t you… I too get happy days, when I forget, when I’m super busy at work climbing trees and swinging a chainsaw about, it takes a lot of concentration. But I always chat to my girl before work, and when I get home. Can’t ever see that changing.
Yeh i think they are in spirit too but i miss him physically … his hand to hold, his hugs, his chat all those things - its hard to live without them - its what i loved the most ( crying now ) xx
Yes they will always be with us in our heart and soul and by our side. I just miss him physically, his voice, his smell, his smiling face, his laugh, his touch and the closeness. Our cuddles on the sofa and a kiss every morning and night. It is like a dream…
Gav good job I don’t have a job swinging a chainsaw around, I would be a danger to everyone lol
I chat all the time to him, can’t just stop after a lifetime of chatting to them. It’s all so very strange isn’t it?
it’s heartbreaking. No time to say goodbye and our future cut short. I’m coping but just existing and the longer time goes on the harder it gets. When did you lose your husband? x
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