Dear All,
I wondered if anyone could help me with the paralysing anxiety I feel about now being alone.
I am so scared without my partner by my side.
Thank you so much.
Alyson
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It’s so hard when you’re used to having your loved one by your side, to help with decisions even the little ones like, “what shall we have for tea”. Anxiety is only natural, I found writing my feelings down in a journal really helped me. I had & still have although not as often, heart palpitations if doing something different & I have to take deep breaths to calm down. I didn’t go down the medication route but may be worth seeing your doctor. Sending you love & strength 
xx
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Alison
The anxiety you are feeling is normal. Your world as you knew it has completely changed. Try not to think too far ahead. I used to do that and it made my anxiety much worse. Focus on getting through one day at a time, or the next hour if that’s all you can face.
Try and make sure you are eating and drinking enough. And if you can go for a walk. I found fresh air and exercise also helped me.
Do you have a friend or family member you can talk to? Maybe contact the GP for some support if you are really struggling. There is no shame in asking for help.
Equally we are all here for you.
Janine x
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Anxiety is fear based and that fear is about what lies ahead of us (which has not yet occurred). The future is not the present so I found the best way to overcome anxiety is to take things day by day and don’t think ahead. This helped me enormously and to just live in the here and now.
When Jim passed I immediately panicked about what if the oven packs up, what if the car won’t start, what if a shelf falls down, the list is endless but all based on what if’s. That’s all they are and haven’t even happened so our thoughts create anxiety
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Have you thought of seeing a councillor or GP. I did have anxiety for weeks. Out of the house it was hard to communicate with anyone and I always needed someone with me so they could talk for me when I couldn’t.
I do have a fear of things going wrong but I have to sort them, so I know I will if I have to, I don’t have a choice.
Do you have family or friends to help?
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The anxiety is with me every day…from the moment I wake up until I go bed….I only find peace when I lie with Steve’s photo next to me.
I contacted the doctors and they have put me on a stronger anxiety tablet.
I wish I could end all this pain but my mum is 88 and does not deserve any heartache.
I have a few friends who are amazing but with partners…
Thank you all for your support xxxx
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Hi @AlysonandSteve - it’s good that your doctor has reviewed your meds but have you had a chat with them about other options such as counselling? Sue Ryder offers bereavement counselling (link here Online Bereavement Counselling Service | Sue Ryder). I’m sorry you feel so awful. If you feel able to pop into our Zoom meeting tomorrow you can at least chat to us. It’s not much but maybe it’s better than nothing. We’re here for you and each other - there’s always hope however bloody awful life seems right now.
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@AlysonandSteve I’m so sorry you are having such a difficult time. As @JustSomeBloke says you can join the zoom again tomorrow and you might still want to stay on audio as it can feel stressful although it is relaxed and everyone understands what you are going through. Hugs xxxxxxx
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@Mike75 regarding the online zoom meeting what days are they held and how many people join in. Thank you in advance x
Hi Hazel I hope @Mike75 doesn’t mind me answering for him. They’re on Tuesdays and Fridays at 8pm and currently there can be up to 10 people participating. If you would like to be added to the pm that gives out the links to the meetings just drop @KarenF @Mike75 or me a pm and we can do that for you.
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Thank you @JustSomeBloke . Funny enough I did first message you first then changed it to @Mike75 at the last minute. Thank you again. X
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Great advice !! Its overwhelming though sometimes isnt it ? And its hard not having the reassurance of our loved one ! He backed me up with so much i didnt even realise and i think you lose your confidence xx
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I’ve wanted to join in the zoom and have been added but I keep feeling a lack of courage when the time comes x
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I’ve thought about it but in all honesty I prefer the written word but if it helps just one person it’s a great thing. I’m not very good at verbalising how I feel.
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Im same - quite happy doing this ! Its enough for me at moment …x
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@Nel
You are more than welcome to try it with your camera and microphone off if you prefer to join that way and see what it’s like. We are quite happy with a bit of lurking! 
There is no right way with any of this, as we all know. Plus, what suits some doesn’t work for others and even different days can feel as if the slightest new thing is too much to bear.
Karen xxx
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A life at last by Paul David is what actually helped me. It’s a book.
Basically you have to accept and embrace the anxiety and actually even try and encourage it. It seems bonkers but does work. I had a nervous breakdown when my husband died. The drs couldn’t get my meds right, I was waking in the night having 6 panic attacks. I didn’t think I’d come out of it. I was constantly on the phone to the mental health team. I desperately wanted it to go. That’s why it wasn’t going. I become obsessed with how ill I felt.
Try it, it actually does help I promise. It’s basically the same as Dr Claire Weeks.
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