It will be one month on the 28th that i lost the love of my life, Robert.
We spent the last 26 days in hospital. We went there because he started to become yellow and we found put the back pain he had been fighting for a couple of months was pancreatic cancer. The doctors tried to help him but they could not.
He did his best to stay with me as long as possible, but cancer didn’t allow him anything.
We got married in the hospital chapel on the 28th of November. He died 12 hours later in front of me at 46 years old
We had a life planned together.
He was my world, my everything. Nothing makes sense anymore and i don’t want a life without him. I don’t want to live this life.
I’ve been doing all of these burocratic things, like close accounts etc and i feel like i’m cancelling his presence. My mum has come from abroad to stay with me and it annoys me that she is cleaning because i know there won’t be his beard hair around anymore… traces of him will be gone and i don’t want them to go. I want him here.
Tomorrow it’s his funeral and i just cannot. I cannot say goodbye to my Bebe. I just want to be with him.
I cannot do this.
I am truly sorry for your tragic loss. Utterly ghastly. You are not alone in feeling this way. Folk on this forum will understand exactly what you are talking about and the feelings and emotions you are experiencing and will offer unconditional comfort and support but unfortunately no answers.
I too felt that I could not go through with the funeral of my gorgeous wife, Christine. But I decided that it was my opportunity to publicly and proudly declare how much I loved her and how much I would miss her. I asked a friend to act as backup if I was too distraught to speak.
The event took place, it was very dreamlike for me. I did manage to speak. It was incredibly difficult and I had to pause to collect myself from weeping. But I did it.
I hope you find these words are a tiny bit helpful. I suspect that you may well be surprised at just how strong you can be in the face of such a horrendous occasion and will get through it. Whatever, do not be surprised if you totally collapse afterwards.
My very best wishes to you for tomorrow. x
Remember: You are not alone in what you are experiencing.
I am so so sorry for your loss. And having to deal with everything, then Christmas with the funeral today is utterly brutal. You should be so proud of yourself for surviving this far. Not only surviving but dealing with the practical ‘stuff’ that goes along with losing the love of your life. Bureaucracy is hard enough to navigate anyway without trying to do it when you can barely find the mental presence to get dressed. I have Alan’s funeral looming in two weeks time. The funeral director originally wanted to do it on his birthday. How utterly callous to suggest that ( and they are the ones who are supposed to be helping). I am dreading it. And people keep asking stuff about flowers and dress codes. Don’t waste your money and come in your joggers; I really don’t care.
Be as kind to yourself as you would be to someone else. No. Kinder. You are getting through this and that is enough. We are all warriors on here. Battling every day. Take care.
I am so sorry for your loss but am pleased to see you managed to marry. Dealing with the paperwork will be easier and you have rights.
You will get through the funeral somehow. Don’t try to be strong. If you feel like crying cry. I did at my husbands funeral in June. My lovely niece made sure she sat beside me and held my hand throughout.
7 months later still sorting out finances. Not helped as solicitor made a mistake with the probate and spelt his middle name wrong.
Glad you have some support for the day.
Thinking if you
Xx.
Sandra
@MsYeti - you are not saying goodbye, my friend, for your beloved Bebe will always be with you. Love never disappears, it is always right there. My husband died nearly 2 years ago and I remain aware of his love and encouragement as I go. Hold tight to Bebe’s love, my dear and it will be ok x
I felt exactly the same about how easy it was to just delete my partner’s very existence with a few phone calls - each the same “Sorry of your loss, we have removed her from system”
Certain things you never even thought about hit you the hardest
I meticulously kept everything identical in the house to the day she died and refused to let anyone come stay or move a single item.
Don’t let anyone interfere with your process - family or otherwise - keep things how you need to keep them, for as long as you need to
Late post, so hope you managed at the funeral best you could