Thank you if you are taking the time to read/reply. I lost my dad last year to cancer. He died just 19 days after he told us the news. He went from happy and healthy to a shadow of himself practically overnight. Since I lost him I have fallen out with my in-laws as they failed to agree with my way of dealing with my grief. For the last year I have had to shoulder all the upset I caused them from not seeing anyone for the first few weeks after my dad died (which lead to a face to face (confrontational) conversation with my MIL in which she did lay out all the things I ‘did wrong’ and how this has affected them, with no mention of my dad, my family or what I was going through) - this has developed into a lot of hurtful comments, messages and now being cut off from the family where no one speaks my name or even asks how I am. I am curious to see if anyone has experienced something similar. I have found this extremely difficult to deal with on top of grieving for my dad, supporting my own family including my mum, brother & sister and my husband and our two girls as well as trying to carry on leading the life I know he would want me to. I am in the process of being assessed for counselling so I try to see how I can get move on from how they have made me feel. Thank you and take care.
I don’t see what your in laws have to do with the passing of your dad and your grieving process - it’s nothing to do with them.
Has your husband not intervened?
It’s your loss and you need to process it - there’s no playbook for this or right or wrong way, everyone has grieve in their own way and according to their own timelines.
That’s what I have to tried to explain to them along with the hurt the confrontation had on me - but I am met with either a brick wall response or being told I took the comments and messages the wrong way. My husband had tried and is met with the same response? Its a no win situation.
Then I would cut ties for time being.
You have to do what’s best for you at this stage.
Unfortunately it seems common place that people who have no frame of reference feel they somehow have the right and foresight to dictate terms of dealing with grief
Hi there, I can totally see where you are coming from with this. It happened to me albeit different circumstances but my sons daughters & extended family have been nothing short of toxic. They never lifted a finger with a thing including the funeral whilst all the time I am also trying to arrange a funeral for my husbands son !
Despicable people treating you like they have. Sounds like to me they lack huge amounts of empathy which has been replaced by this ‘all about us’ attitude.
What has your husband said to his parents? Has he intervened?
Whilst you are still so raw, for now, I would cut all ties with them, they are no good for your recovery or self esteem. You have to look after you and nobody else first because you will be useless to the rest of your family otherwise.
Please take care and stand your ground and god help your in laws if they lose somebody close to them 
I am so sorry you had to go through what you did, the toughest times should be when others especially family or extended family should be there to step up and put you and your needs first.
All about us does completely sum it up, even when we have asked why they couldn’t have offered to take our girls to give us a break I was met with ‘you didn’t want anyone around’ it’s hard to take so much blame when I did some space with my husband to both come to terms with what was happening and I needed that from them to help.
It’s my husbands mum - he’s spoken to her a lot but is met with a brick wall attitude, in short I didn’t let her daughter (my SIL) in exactly one week after my dad died so when I did meet with his mum she listed off all the things I ‘did wrong’ and how upsetting it was for her daughter - she didn’t speak about my loss at all - when I spoke to her about it in front of my husband she lied about it all saying she didn’t say anything wrong (even though he had told her I was upset), then 8 months she later admitted it and gave reasons for each comment? She doesn’t see anything wrong with any of it as I have apparently taken it all the wrong way anyway and it was all unintentional? At her first visit she left me with the parting words ‘life is too short - and you should know that’ - I lost my dad 19 days after finding out he had cancer…it hurt.
I have decided to cut ties with all of them and have to start on rebuilding myself. Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot. Take care too x
Mrs B 10 you too take care of you ! Everything else comes secondary. They sound like a set of narcissistic bores if you ask me. If ever you would like to private message me I am always around to be there for you 
I’m so sorry you went through this and wow I have gone through the same thing. My father died unexpected on New Year’s Day after hosting the party and my in laws happened to be in town. It was a terrible loss as an only child and not expected. They were an inconvenience and my husband was being pulled so we asked they move to a hotel. I wasn’t able to host anyone at my home to come visit me or offer condolences. My Dad also would have turned 60 that week and his bday was the day after his funeral. My In laws took my spouse to dinner after I asked him to join me going to my aunts house; it was the first time my kids were going to see my Mom. Then the next day my husband wasn’t feeling well from being in between his parents and me and pushed me away in helping him. His parents to take care of him and that night he left with them to a hotel and didn’t return back until their flight left. We share a five and three year old and it was the haredest experience of my life, I felt so hurt by them. We do not have a relationship now with them and my marriage has never been the same