Falling to pieces

@ARDG you are not being selfish at all. We all worry that our future now is not how we had seen it.
I would sit here night and day losing myself in alcohol and that in turn added to my problems, causing others to worry about me, I don’t want my kids worrying that Dad may do something stupid. So I’m now 2 days alcohol free, Do I feel better, no not at all, but I realise not everything is about me.
I like you am an emotional wreck ,yesterday a health professional visited me to see how I was doing, I met with her in our sites clubhouse as we thought it a safe place to meet, the place was full of workers and visitors, whilst we were talking about just me I was fine as soon as Tina was brought into the mix I literally fell to pieces, I felt embarrassed but it made me realise the way I feel will never change because I possibly don’t want it too.
Today I will start a new course of meds that they feel will help me I’m not one for pills but I’m going to accept any help out there because unless my mental state changes soon I can see myself opting to remove myself from my problems, I feel I can say that here whereas I cannot state my feeling to those I love.
You are not being selfish you have lost your love and your life,I hope you can find help and strength to carry on and be happy

1 Like

@B_Quick
People can be very insensitive,but also remember they will have different memories and their own traumas to deal with.We all say stupid things not meaning to hurt or upset others we sometimes just dont think
I hope life will begin to treat you with kindness soon
We want you here…who else would we chat with,
big hugs

1 Like

It sounds like even in these past few days you’ve done yourself and Tina very proud. It would have been just as easy to continue drinking and damage yourself as well as those around you.

Stay strong mate, you’d be surprised how much inspiration it gives others including myself. :heart:

1 Like

@ARDG, @Jean8, @Tony123 Thank you all for your kindness and support.
It’s just so hard trying to find the point of struggling everyday, for what? Miles was my everyday and I feel so lost now that he’s gone.
You are all being so brave and are such an inspiration - thank you x

@B_Quick
I don’t think it’s a matter of being brave, I think we will all come through this as I’m pretty certain the loves we have lost would want us to carry on and to find happiness. We would be dismissing their love if we didn’t try. Sure, we will carry on missing our partners, and we will fall down in pieces when we think of certain times and places that brought us so much joy and happiness while we were together with them.
All we can do is try, I can’t see as there’s a wrong or right way to achieve it, but if we do nothing, we will never know how our new lives could be.

3 Likes

I’m very sorry for your loss I lost my husband nearly 6 years ago at the age of 49 5 days before Christmas it was such a shock nobody saw it coming people say it does get easier but what I find hate now is losing my kids ive got 5 and one by one they are leaving home and I’ve come to rely on them so much I still miss my husband dearly but I find losing my kids is harder at the moment I don’t tell them this because they need to live there own lives but it is hard I hope things go alright for you Tony you will find your own way of dealing with your loss everyone has their own way xxx

@Lisat
Is it harder when a death is unexpected? I have no idea!! I tend to think if someone has a long-term illness then possibly, we can plan for that whilst I know it’s still painful, I can only say that for me it has broken me, every time I think I’m getting somewhere I get kicked down again.
On Friday night I was invited to a Xmas party a few hours in an older lady asked if I wanted to dance I thought about it and said yes as Tina and I always danced with each other and others, within seconds of holding the lady I broke down and had to rush out of the venue, I felt so guilty and still do, I had no intentions towards the lady yet felt I was letting Tina down and I was angry at myself, it very much ruined the night for me and possibly the lady.
Like you our kids are all left home, and I don’t like to bother them if they call, I make out its all OK,the reality is it’s not, I know things have to change and I need to find acceptance, but just now it’s like one step forward and 2 steps back.
Good luck on your journey I hope you find peace and happiness xxx

2 Likes

I went out for a couple of drinks with friends last night . I had overwhelming guilt and today anxiety and grief have hit like a train . We can’t ever know how it’s going to feel or when it’s going to keep hitting . Allie yourself a breather and you’re ok to react however you feel . X

1 Like

If know where you are coming from I have nothing to live for she was my life you are lucky you have 6 children I have only 2 two to help ease theb pain and they do help the problem is when they go home it’s the time it hurts most I find the pain dose not go away I find I hope you are different and find away to get round it as you have 6 kids I’ve only got 2 and I’m struggling keep your chin up my biggest problem is talking about her is my problem i jus6 break down and cry I’ve come across as as a hard nose bass but this has shown me up for who I’m am

@Eric
You have every right to feel as you do and in no way are you coming across as hardnosed.
I fall to pieces on an all to frequent basis In the last 2 months I have only had 2 days where I did not, yesterday and today I have removed myself from others just to keep Tina in my thoughts I don’t want to be questioned or instructed by others who are compassionate but in the main have not had the experiences we are having now.
Who you are is a man and a man that clearly loved and misses his woman,for me you are likely my mirror image,all I can do is wish you well and hope that the pain will ease for you
God bless

I hope you are right my life has stopped as I know it I don’t know there is a living dead I used to love life now it has just stopped what can I do I can’t talk to people as I’m afraid of breaking down is there anything that helps

2 Likes

@Eric
I have found that by removing myself from company for a few days allows me to talk with myself and get out some of what is troubling me, I still break down in front of people I just go with it I think we all have to, and never apologise for who you are.
I can remember my dad passing and in time my mum coped but it took her years, if it takes me years my Mrs is worth it .
You could go to your GP and ask for something like Citalopram it can help
Best of luck for our futures, we deserve a little happiness

1 Like

I just keep thinking if I’m going to be grieving for years I may as well give up now. I can’t go on like this. It’s too hard and I feel like it’s a fight I can’t win.

2 Likes

@Jean8
At the start I had seriously contemplated ending it all, for at least 6 weeks it was a real torment I could not collect my thoughts at all, I was I think arguing with both Tina and myself in my head apportioning blame if that makes any sense.
I realise now there cannot be any blame, like they say shit happens and as with shit if you clear it up its gone and if you leave it then it just stinks and I was not going to allow my life to stink.
As I have said many times I have not as yet had a good day but the terrible ones are not as frequent ,if this is it then for me it’s not enough, I like many here deserve to have good lives to be happy and content.
If we look around our old lives we will see others that have come through we can only hope to do likewise
Sending hugs and care x

3 Likes

Totally agree have moments of deep despair then ok again I believe eventually tge moments of despair will be fewer x

1 Like