Hummm I’m in a dilemma. Advice is welcome. I’ve only started to reach out to others here literally a day or so ago. One of my problems is a friend. This month it’ll be a year since my partner of 26yrs passed. A childhood friend who sometimes had me in her life and at others doesn’t has only met me twice over the last year. The friendship has spanned over 40yrs 
She attended the wake but not the funeral. Met me once for lunch months ago with the promise to call. She lives extremely close. What do I say to her when I next bump into her? She doesn’t phone, I’ve always called her. She’ll says she’ll visit or call but never does. I would of appreciated her help and even laughter over this horrible time. Letting go of my anger is hard I would never of treated her this way. Now I don’t want a friendship with her. I need advice on holding my temper 
as I’m actually a kind person and hate to be rude. This however has been shameful behaviour and I need to realise she’s not a true friend but it’s hard. It’s another type of grief really. We’ve been through a lot in the past together and I guess I didn’t truly expect this from her. As my partner used to say people have there own lives and of course I totally understand but a phone call or a txt would if meant a lot to me 
Dear @Mazy
I would let your friend know you have been experiencing a difficult time with losing your partner. Your friend may not fully grasp what it is has been like for you. Some people struggle as to what to say when someone has passed hence the lack of contact with you. Sadly as time goes by getting in contact and choosing the right words becomes harder for that person.
You don’t know what your friend is going through in her life too. I would not take it personally and if possible contact her to see how she is doing and take it from there.
I hope it works out alright for you. Take care.
Peppers
You say you’re a kind person and don’t like to be rude. This person has shown that she isn’t your friend, she hasn’t been there for you, and worse, she promised to get in touch and she let you down. When you next see her, what does it matter if you are rude to her, or lose your temper? You have nothing to lose, her behaviour couldn’t be any worse.
When my man passed an ex thought he could wrangle his way back into into my life. He was on hand, kept popping round to my house and made himself useful. For the first few days I accepted it, then he got nasty when I didn’t answer every call and message from him as I was in contact with others. He was actually jealous of my other friends and told me that I was acting the victim. This was 11 days after my boyfriend passed, and I’d been to see him in his coffin for the first time that day. Next time he came round I left him standing outside and I lost it, shouted at him and let him have it, no idea what my neighbours thought, but who cares?
Let it out, she deserves it and you’ll feel better.
I’ve just seen Pepper’s reply and decided that I’m probably a bitch
Hi @Mazy
I feel you’ve answered yourself, with the loss of your partner, it’s understandably a stressful time, you need hugs & support, not abandonment. It’s shameful that she treats you this way at such an upsetting time, & the 1 year milestone is an important milestone in your grief journey. It makes sense you want a clean break from her, but I also understand that this makes you feel the loss of your friendship, & this in its own way creates another “empty space” in your life, but you deserve sooooo much better than the way she’s treating you. You need to put yourself first, hopefully you have other friends & family who can help support you. Sending hugs of support.
Hi SadGirlfriend no no you’re not sounding like a bitich. It’s refreshing to hear others opinions. I’ve struggled with this issue for almost a year and even before my partner passed. It’s not the first time she’s not contacted. Once it was for 4 years and there was no reason, only a lame apology. I’m so sorry you had such a horrid time and that you were treated so shamefully by that person. You were truly vulnerable which makes him even worse. Good on you for giving that guy what for, he so deserve your it. Thank you for replying.
Panda Princes thank you. It’s not the first time she’s treated me like this however but I mistakenly assumed over the death of my partner she’d of had a little compassion and just offered some comfort. I think she’s just become comfortable with “Good old Mazy” that I’ll smooth over the awkwardness. Maybe in the past I was desperate for her friendship and my partners passing has made me open my eyes. I feel better for getting it if my chest at least. I think I need to move on and let her go. Thank you 
Dear Peppers thank you for your reply. I’ve been the one to contact her already over and over again only to receive the same promise to visit me or meet up. I always ask how she is and I’m happy to listen to her and thankfully she has a good comfortable life. Many times over the years she’s let me down and I’ve been soft. I have a small family and the few that I have just say let her go. I’m very loyal but now feel rather foolish as I’m the last to see I valued her more than she valued me. It’s lovely how you and others have replied. Thank you so much. Just me mentioning the problem here has helped make some sense
Glad you were able to get different perspectives. Don’t get caught out by her again.
Ugh, he actually came to the funeral and hugged me afterwards. A friend came over to rescue me, I was in such a daze I didn’t react. Later at the wake he kept trying to talk to me, when he eventually did another friend told him to get lost.
SadGirlfriend It’s tragic that someone who you thought had good intentions would try to manipulate you and force basically himself into your life when you’re in such a state of grief. It’s frightening actually. He showed his true colours. Thankfully you had support. I think when I next bump into this “friend” I’ll just hold my head high and keep walking. I don’t need the disappointment anymore.
You go girl 
thank you very much Panda Princess xxx