I wonder if I’m the only one who can’t go back to places I used to go to with my partner
Ann and myself were always going to different places to eat and shop she was someone who just couldn’t stop shopping she just loved to have something new to wear and because of her deteriorating health we stopped going to the Canarie island’s we had been going there for over 28 years
So we started going to different seaside resorts in the uk but even though it’s been nearly six months since Ann passed away I can’t bear the thought of going to any resorts we used to go to my sister has booked a weekend away in July to one of Ann’s favourite places she said it will help me cope with being on my own but I can’t even visit shops Ann and myself went to
For the first time since Ann passed away today I was determined to visit a place we went to most Saturdays to do some shopping but I’m ashamed of myself because when I got there I just broke down and went back home
I just don’t know how I’m going to cope in July I feel so lost on my own
Hi don’t feel ashamed for not being able to visit the places you used to go to with your wife Ann. After all it’s only been six months. Take it easy and only do what you can, when you can. I still find it difficult being with people who have been friends with me and my husband for years. I’ve said before in other posts that I find every day a struggle. Although to people looking in on my life, now think I am coping. If you call coping getting up and dressed and taking my dog for a walk, eat something (although I don’t cook anything now) watch television and then back to bed. Then I suppose I am coping. I don’t call it coping or living a life. Anyway you take care of yourself.
Hi @Boo2
You are not alone in finding some things just to hard to do at the moment.
It’s almost 8 weeks since my husband passed and I have had to force myself to get out and go places as I still have teenage children at home and I have to go places with or for them. It’s so hard though and often I end up in tears or having to leave.
I took my daughter to the cinema yesterday as a break from her studying and all I could think of was the last time I was there with my whole family on Xmas eve - a tradition I don’t know if I can continue. And as soon as a song came on I just sat with my tears rolling down my face hoping no one would see as I wept in the dark.
Me and my husband were meant to go see Take That tonight and I planned to honour his wishes and still go, but realised last week that it’s too soon, I will hate it without him as he was more a fan than me.
I decided to not torture myself and not go - and not even sell the tickets as friends suggested, as perhaps he can find a way to be in his seat from above.
Don’t be too hard on yourself - we all have things that are too difficult right now and it is not long since your world was devastated like all of us on here.
Take your time - do the little things you have the strength to do at the moment and when you feel you are ready then move forward, but at your pace.
If you need to go to the shops that you went to together before then maybe just build it up slowly by getting there one day, trying to walk to the door the next, and slowly spend more time in the shop. Or you could just shop somewhere else.
I have found the supermarket very difficult for no real reason apart from grief anxiety, so am doing click and collect at the moment as it saves me distress.
Be kind to yourself - getting through the day is hard enough at the moment - if you manage that then you are doing well.
Dont know if this right place to post but would value thoughts/advice! Tony died last December and I still havent collected ashes - know I have to soon though! ATM they are in cardboard scattering boxes at funeral directors waiting for me yo buy a proper urn to transfer them and bring home. As a family we just not sure what to do with them! Also is it comforting or unsettling to have ashes at home and where does one put them? Thanks everyone - sending love xx
I’m not much help here - I still haven’t collected my husbands ashes either.
He wanted them scattered up cairngorm mountain so will scatter some there but plan also to scatter some of him in other special places, which he was happy with.
I plan to do this with our children in the summer when the weather is hopefully a bit better, but his family have been asking and I think they want a bigger family event as his brother who died 2 years ago ( both in their 50s) had his ashes interned at his mums grave and they had a big family do.
My husband definitely didn’t want this and wanted it to be just me and the kids but I am sure I will upset his sisters when I tell them this.
We had his aunts ashes in our house for nearly 2 years until it was decided where to scatter them and get everyone together.
I’m not sure how I’ll feel having them in the house but I do want to have some of him close by so I can feel close. I can hardly climb cairngorm every day for a chat 
I would suggest that you do what’s right for you when you are ready. There is no rush.
Thank you - favourite place Switzerland but …….!!! xx
Follow your gut instinct don’t think you have to please others do what’s right for you.Ashes would be very unsettling for me,everyone told me to scare his in my garden he died suddenly in the garden.I didn’t I had them scattered in the gardens at the crematorium.It’s you that’s got to live with whatever you decide ?
My funeral director brought Neil’s ashes to the house. They are in a cardboard box. Much heavier than I had anticipated! I was relieved to get them back because I was afraid they’d been mislaid. The box sits on the bookcase. I haven’t decided yet what to do with them. There’s certainly a sufficient quantity to scatter them in more than one location. Getting the Mumbles RNLI to scatter them at sea off Langland Bay is one option I intend to investigate. I don’t think I’m up to swimming out to sea and distributing them myself tho I’m sure he’d have smiled at that plan.
I’m sure there’s no hurry to decide.
My sister took our Mother’s ashes into safekeeping (a little over a year ago) and we were planning to get together for a little ceremony to bury them alongside my fathers ashes, which are interred at the bottom of her garden. But Neil wasn’t well enough last year for us to make the long trip up to the Lake District to do that. So Mother’s ashes are still under the dining table at my sisters house, And now my sisters ashes are there too. I shall have to face up to having a little ceremony with my brother in law to bury both of them together along with my Pa.
It’s not a jolly prospect.
I gave the same thing going to places that me and ray went to also songs tv programs I find hard must think about him all the time it’s so hard everyone has been kind and supportive still cry every night it’s been 8 months just want him to come back I know that’s possible