If ever there was a family to bring you down mine has to be up there with the top few. My eldest son sent me his last text in august which was three months after my partner had passed away, blaming me for not being there when he died. Not true. My middle son was forced out of his room he had in a drugs den, so came back to live with me in february. Many days he doesn"t go out to work and on the days he does its getting on for dinner time. He’s self employed. He drinks a bottle of wine a night and smokes. He also takes some sort of drugs as he has very different mood swings. He buys his own food and all i ask is he pays half the council tax because if he wasn’t there i would get a reduction. He has borrowef money from me

Hi Daisy Janet. Our families can be a big disappointment can’t they. I must admit that when Brian died my daughter did return from her home in Spain (Brian was not the father of my children) a few times, she eventually stayed in this country for a while and stayed with her son, my grandson and family. However she then wanted to use my car, which wasn’t insured for her to drive so she insured it for a weeks use and left it stinking of cigarette smoke. She did visit me but complained about the cost of the bus fare continually, making me feel guilty. When she went back to Spain she never told me she was going. A few weeks latter she sent me an e-mail asking me for money as she needed to tax and insure her car. I was trying to get my head around all the paperwork and didn’t need her problems on top. However I sent her some money just to keep the peace and then found out she had sold the car. This was last March. I had an op in July and she only bothered because my grandson got in touch with her and I spoke to her on his phone, since then nothing. I won’t use facebook so she won’t contact me. My son never contacted me for months until September and has since sent me a couple of text’s. I don’t text and wish he would phone me if he want’s a conversation. We did fall out a year or so ago as he was into drugs and old enough to know better. I used to be a Drugs counsellor and felt he was rubbing my nose in it as he knew how I felt and yet kept talking about what he was taking. Now he has all sorts of health problems which I warned him about. We can bring them into this world but we can’t seem to do anything about the way they want to lead their lives. My children and I were all so close a few years ago, I just don’t know what has happened. My grandson and wife however has come up trumps and been wonderful and supportive. I will be making sure that they have help this Christmas because they deserve it.
My heart goes out to you as I know how you feel and it hurts doesn’t it.

I can relate to this so much. You’re not alone.
It’s coming up to 8 weeks since I found my Dad in his bathroom - an image that will never leave me. My Dad was the best person in my life, I wasn’t really all the close to anyone else. My Dad has emphysema and COPD and I became like a carer for him the last 9 years, bringing him groceries and meals etc. My cousin and a few friends would also take him in stuff but never in that whole time had I been asked how I was coping with it. There had been a couple times Dad had to get resuscitated and I had been in hospital for 10 hours with my aunt but I would never hear from her again afterwards. People are so caught up in their own lives. My Mum and I haven’t seen eye to eye since I moved out of home 6 years ago (I’m 27, Dad was 64) with only seeing her out of convenience at University or at the gym. My Dad was the one who told me he was proud of me and loved me. Since Dads gone I’ve had nothing but grief from my mum and step dad. Mums been jealous of my posts for Dad and seems to take it as some discredit to her. I turned to my step Dad for help to which I got back ‘you may as well slapped your mum in the face with those posts, you need to get a fuckin grip’. That was a week ago and I’ve not heard from my mum since. The people you need and crave the most can be the ones who let you down the most.
Don’t take no shit and make people aware of how you’re feeling. I for one have put people before myself and I don’t have the strength to do it anymore.

Thanks for listening and take care.

Hi pat thank you for taking the time to respond. It means a lot. My 2 younger grandsons 16 and 12 don’t stand a cat in hells chance of being anything other than heavy drinkers or into drugs or both. They don’t only have one parent like that but their mother and my sons latest woman also. As were a lot of relations on their mothers side. I can’t see what they get from doing what they do. Just a lot of unpleasantness. Its crazy and makes me sad and angry. Lives and families ruined for what. I hope you have a peaceful christmas with your grandson and his mum. Wishing you well. X

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So sorry to hear about your dad. It makes it twice as hard when there isn’t anyone there for you. I think it makes it worse knowing they are there but just don’t help in any way. Kind words in a text would go a long way to show you’re loved and thought about. Just to ask how you are and whether your coping, from time to time instead of a blank canvas. I could go on but whats the point. They are what they are. Take care and look after yourself. X

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Sorry pat i replied to your post but sent it to watt. Still not got the hang of this new forum yet. X

Sorry again. I should have said grandson and wife. I do apologise. X

No need to apologise I know what you mean, I also get mixed up at times. Our heads are all over the place, I just blame it on a senior moment. I agree with you, I feel so frustrated at the way they want to lead their lives. What a waste of life and money as well as their health but what can we do. If I speak to them I’m told to stop nagging or they say they’re old enough to know what they are doing. My Brian never smoked, drank minimally and was a kind man that certainly never touched drugs and it makes me sick as to why he had to suffer to the end. I’m not saying I want to lose my son as of course I love him but I do wait for that phone call to tell me something has happened to him. They are so selfish. My grandson even tried drugs when he was a teenager but it made him so sick he never bothered again but it did affect him for a few years and he was very introverted. Thankfully he has come through that and is a responsible young family man now with a decent job and I am very proud of him.
Take care and have as good a Christmas as possible.
Pat xxx

I have to say that our children have helped me so much since their dad passed away.
However, my sister and ex-sister-in-law. nephews and nieces, they all live in this country but a long journey away, have been horrible to me and to Stan. I have written a long post about extended family, on this forum. I can’t remember which topic it is part of. x x