My husband died almost two years ago and the other day my son swore at my granddaughter and I didn’t get the chance to tell him off before my daughter started shouting at him and her partner threatened to beat the living daylights out of him, swearing as well, now I find myself withdrawing from them, my daughter says I’m being hostile and nasty and I’m always doing this to them ! I don’t know if I’m angry with her, or hurt by the slightest altercation because I don’t want people arguing in my home, or am I being mean and nasty towards her and her partner, because they escalated the situation, I just don’t know how to deal with it anymore, I don’t feel comfortable talking to them anymore.
I lost my husband 4 months ago and on the day he passed away one of his sisters was going to take his wedding ring of i told her no leave it on him she started to arguing with me over it also on the day of his funeral her and her Mum had a argument over carpet grip so i try to not to be around my husband sister
It’s hard on top of Grief to have to deal with relatives behaviour at our most difficult time of our life.
I’ve learnt to put myself first because family can soon forget we are grieving and not as strong as when were not.
Put yourself first no matter what that is what you’re loved one you lost would want respect yourself in Grief you serve too sending lots of love and strength to you.
Thank you so much for your kind words , if i have to i will cut his family out of my life so i can carry on with mine
Its setting boundaries so you can take care of yourself you’re in alot of pain and don’t need any added pressure.
You can do this for you.
I thought I had set the boundaries, but they obviously aren’t meant for my daughter and her partner, they think that they should have a right to scream and shout because my son did wrong, but I’m still his mom, but they make me feel as though I’m incapable of doing anything for myself, my daughter actually said that I should probably go and get my antidepressants changed and she’s always bringing up the things that I’ve done or said, since my husband died, I really don’t know how to control this situation and let go of this argument.
Nobody should have to feel uncomfortable in there own home i came from a very hostile family and the damage even of people screaming around you is never ok regardless of if there in the right about your son or not my mum who sadly passed always had a motto of my roof my rules, so do what you must sending love.
@Mahi I know how you feel about this. Had an altercation some time ago in my house after losing my wife. I can’t deal with some of them anymore and now I don’t. My pain exists without them but less than it was with them. I sometimes think "how horrible am I? But I don’t need it to be the one who has to sort it. Sorry, rant about insensitive offspring.
Thank you for your kind words, I hate arguing, because I find it hard to forget and move past it, my daughter and her partner back each other, even if one of them is wrong, or both wrong, so it’s two against one constantly!
I know exactly how you feel, I don’t see half my children anymore, but my daughter lives opposite me, so it’s hard to get away from a bad situation and her partner isn’t exactly my cup of tea either, sarcastic, rude and manipulative is how I’d describe him, I suppose it’s my own fault for letting them take over everything when my husband died so suddenly and now I’m just starting to feel human again, they cause another argument!! I feel like they treat me as a child or a mad woman!
When my husband first died, I was like a living zombie and both my daughter and her partner were helping me every day, in fact they still do, but if I say no, or get help from my other children…. I’m the baddie!! I sometimes wish that I’d never let them do anything, because now they think they have a right to do or say anything!! Grieving is hard enough but after almost two years, I thought it would be easier, in fact it’s harder because I’m supposed to have got over it now.
Thank goodness someone else agrees with me about the time of grieving, I do exactly the same thing, keep myself busy, my painting of woodwork has got slightly better and like you I have a dog, although he’s huge and definitely not one you want sitting on your lap, but he’s the most empathetic dog I’ve ever known and very protective about me, but like me, anyone raises their voice and he’s off, but I feel as though I’m just so alone when dealing with anything, I live in Northern Ireland, it was my husband’s home town, so we moved here 25 years ago, my other children all have their own lives and families and I don’t see them that often, which is fine, but the constant stress of feeling that I’m the only partner of a tag team member is hard to cope with.