Hello everyone I must admit I am in a different situation than most. I own 3 houses a little cottage that I am moving into , a lovely holiday let by the the sea then the house that was our family home for 26 yrs. I am selling the family home but have to keep going back each time it depresses me ,this was the house the ambulance took my husband away from , he never came back. I had to go back today and tomorrow to do the garden, everytime my heart sinks the nearer I get. Is this normal a house you loved is now a house you hate being in
Totally understand how you feel @Heather56. I did plan on selling our home & moving, but the market is so unstable at the moment and tbh can’t decide where I want to go! I know at some point I will move, I’m on my own ( no kids) but have decided to take my time.
I must say, a little cottage by the sea sounds delightful, I would love something like that! Take your time and don’t rush, I’m somewhat glad now, my Martin has been gone nearly 7 months; initially I wanted to move straight away, too many memories & it’s just a house now, not the home we built together…
Thank you Dottie this is how our feel about this house I think the problem is how could I have loved this house and now hate it. 6 months since Colin went x
I’m different in that I love what was our joint home, which was built in the yard of the farm Richard was born in. I can’t imagine living anywhere else as all my memories of my wonderful life with him are here. It is probably easier though that he wasn’t Ill here at all. He went out quite happily as usual and never came back so the house itself holds no bad memories.
Going to the lay-by where I knew the attempt to resuscitate him took place was awful though so I can’t imagine what it is like to have those connections to where you lived.
Thank you I have to move but find it hard how I feel about the old family home
I’m the same as you @KarenF. I couldn’t leave the home that we had together. I love it. We have gutted the whole place since we moved in and I couldn’t bare to just up and leave. I feel close to David here. He’d hate for me to move and leave behind all we’d accomplished. Plus, two thirds of the garage were revamped for hedgehog hutches for our rescue. Everyone is different though and I can see both sides. My son’s initial reaction was to sell his family home because everywhere he looked he could see his dad when he visited but they have also just had a big extension built. I think it was a knee jerk reaction though because he hasn’t mentioned it since. They say you shouldn’t make any major decisions within a year of being bereaved but everyone is different.
I’m like you @Jean8 and @KarenF. We lived for 44 of our 47 married years in this house. We had our children here and so the majority of our memories are here. Staying helps to keep those memories alive and real. It is too big for one and has always been full so I have brought my son and his family back here, they are letting their flat and we are creating new memories with my new grandson. I had a guest annex built and now that is my dedicated private space. All my important social connections are here, most of my neighbours have lived here for over 40 years and our children grew up together. I cannot imagine moving.
@Heather56 It is the overwhelming memory of your loved one being wrenched from the house that you hate and are being forced to confront when you visit the house, not the house itself. I fully understand that this will make you feel all the emotions that batter us when our loved ones are taken from us so suddenly and often completely unexpectedly. Only you will know what is best for you but whatever you do that awful memory will be there. xx
Dottie that is how I feel now and did the day I walked back in the day he died also 7 months ago. Apart from him leaving and never coming back my dad died and my mum died all within 5 years. Now the only thing I associate that house with are bad times now. The cottage we started married life in and lived there for 14 happy years, I never wanted to leave. All my good memories are in the other two and all the bad memories in the other one. I will be so glad when it has been sold x
Your situation is different as you have the joint memories in another house too, the cottage, so you choosing which of those houses to live in makes sense. The only other house we lived in together, apart from a few months at my house, was the farmhouse at the top of the drive which was sold after his Mum died for the three brothers to each get their share. I never felt that was truly my home as we didn’t own it, couldn’t afford to do much to it, other that a bit of decorating and, although very historical, was dark and cold.
As @Mike75 says, only you will know what is right for you. What possibility is there to let it instead of selling, so it gives you some income and you haven’t rushed the sale?
Thank you Karen I think it is too big and too old to rent it would never reach the required regulations. Also been a landlord before don`t want to do it again I just want the hassle of it gone x
@Milliemmollie. The very last thing you want to consider is what other people think! This is not their life or their situation. You need to think about what YOU want and what is best for you.