My dad passed only 4 days ago im devastated. My estranged brother who hadnt seen him for14 years obviously was told after he passed and has suddenly contacted my mum after all this time and has sent me abusive angry messages. I cant tell my sister or husband or anyone as they will just explode and all hell will break lose. I know my mum woukd be absolutely furious if i showed her the message but im really not sure what to do?? No one wants him at the funeral as he couldn’t be bothered to visit the other 14 years so why now? I feel sick i cant cope with this. Please help 
Hi Kazzie,
I’m so sorry for your loss.
When my dad died we did everything my mum wanted / needed. Does your mum want him at the funeral?
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt & say maybe he’s reaching out now with the shock of your dad passing but that wouldn’t explain why he’s sending you abusive messages.
Remember hun that you have your family behind you supporting you, he’s the one coming into this without that.
tell the family what he has wrote, let them deal with him. wouldnt keep it secret
My sister receivedvthe same message. We havevtold her husband vbut not mine yet. We have to tell my mum as its ultimately her decision. Once the family know he will definately not be welcomed, not that he woukd before, but if he attends the funeral it will all kick off x
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thats why i hate families. and funerals bring out the worst members. all out for trouble or tosee what they can get.
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I’m getting the same thing from my cousins mums nieces my mum had nothing to do with them or her sister for 24 years since my Nan died , with me I let them know out of courtesy wasn’t a case of ooh please come to the funeral etc etc
I’ve a feeling they’ll turn up to make snide comments as that’s the kind of person they are apparently you can have a funeral as invited guests But that just screams your name isn’t down you’re not coming in
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If you’re having a church, temple or synagogue service then you probably can’t control who goes in but you can do invite only to the wake & the after funeral service arrangements if you want.
We reached out to some cousins we hadn’t seen since their fathers funeral (during covid which we all attended) when mum died in July & they didn’t even bother to reply or send a sympathy card or anything.
you tell the ones who you want to know, you dont say whenn the funeral is. you dont have to let anyone know.
after no one bothering about us for yrs i was rather blunt when hubby died. i put a message on FB as i knew it would be seen basically saying, dave has died, there is no funeral as he is wth pure cremation and anyone expecting to get anything, dont bother as he wasnt insured and allthe stuff in the house is mine. it worked like a charm
I completely agree. My family are the most selfish people I’ve ever known (with the exception of my Mum and husband). I cut ties with them after my Dad passed last year. Now they’re trying to emotionally blackmail me via Christmas cards! It is quite funny when you think about it…they don’t care about me, they simply want to know if they can have some of my Dads stuff. No is the answer!
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I’m so sorry you are going through this alone, I know exactly how you feel. This is a time siblings are meant to be there for each other, but like my story I’ve found it brings out the worse in the ones that were not there for the parent. Try to be strong and remember you are not alone and if you need to talk you are welcome to talk on here to me and I will support you and listen to you.
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