This is my 9th fathers day without my dad. Its been getting easier bit by bit. This year though its all just come crashing back. My sister died suddently and unexpectedly months ago. When my dad was sick we were 100% partners is sorting things out for him. Carers, care companies, social workers, the council, nursing homes, hospitals, drs, physotherapists the lot. We fought for over two years to get him a diagnosis. When he was diagnosed with vascular parkinsonism (parkinsons disease like symptoms caused by a number of mini strokes which themselves were caused by a previoisly undiagnosed heart condition) the neurologist (a fantastic dr, no concerns with him) said they could try to strengthen his arms but it was too late for his legs. He wouldnt walk again. We were surprisingly calm and got a plan in place where we could work with him to strengthen his arms etc. He ended up in a nursing home 2 months before he died. A nursing home we had to choose in 2 days. My sister was there right with me as we argued with the council about appropriate care and as the nursing home battled from their side to be able to support him. He frequently referred to us as “my girls” although it normally went “tell my girls, theyll sort it”. But invariably we did.
Even after he died, we still had mums care to deal with. Im mums named next of kin (my sister was dad’s the aim was to divide the load) and i deal with most things myself. But i knew she was still there if i needed back up. An extra opinion. An extra brain to think things through. We were both power of attorney so she could do things if i needed.
Im feeling fathers day so hard this year. Not only do i really miss my dad but the person who went through it all with me has gone. Every story i remember has her right in it there with me.
And now shes gone. And i dont know why.
And im totally heartbroken.