Father passed away

I lost my father 9 months ago, to a short diagnosis of cancer, it all happened so quickly.
I never thought something would impact me so much, in almost inexplicable ways to those who have not experienced it. So in many ways, apart from my family, I feel very alone in grief.
Soon after, I hit the ground running to progress my life in any way shape or form, I got a new job, had a long distance boyfriend who I travelled with but it was all surface happiness, I wasn’t coping. I’m 24 years old and so although there are plenty who have experienced this loss, I still feel so young and mouldable, my dad was my guidance in life and now I feel lost.

My relationship that almost distracted me for 8 months from truly grieving has now come to an end. Although I did not share everything detail of my grief with him (we were fairly new when my dad passed). He supported me and it has still left another gap in my life, the person who supported and chatted to me each day, and checked in, isn’t there anymore.

I’ll add that I have a loving family, although we are each dealing with our grief, we come together and talk of my dad fondly.
I don’t want to admit I’m really struggling or lean on them/anyone for support all the time.

I guess I’m hoping to find people that understand this pain and rawness I still feel, even after time has passed and life is moving on.

I’m so sorry to hear a how you feel. This is grief and it always comes as a shock, a life trauma. Our little boat is adrift in a vast ocean of grief. No matter who you have around you it’s still an awful loneliness.
Also it’s a double loss in a way. Your boyfriend leaving. Have you anyone really close you can talk to who will understand. Counselling can help a lot and a GP visit can sometimes help too. You don’t have to go on meds if you don’t want to, but your GP knows you and can offer help from the many services out there.
You are in the right place for talking to those who understand. We all do, and there is no substitute for experience in grief.
Please come back and let us know how it goes. Take care and be kind to yourself as well as others. Blessings.

I’m sorry to hear of your loss, I understand as I lost my mum 12 months ago and I’m only just coming to terms with it all. I too have posted looking for some guidance. You are not alone and however you feel will be normal as everyone is different. Have you visited your GP?