Fear I will die young too as a parent

I lost my mum when she was just 63 years old, very suddenly ten years ago. My mum always used to worry she would die young as her dad (my grandad) died young too at the age of 67. He died of angina and my mum died due to chest issues linked to various health conditions.

I’m not sure if it because we are ten years on which is quite a landmark in time for me for loosing my mum or something else but I have become so aware of my own health which touch wood is good. Even though my mum and her dad passed away in their 60’s and the two were not related I have become so paranoid that I too will die young and miss so much of my childrens life :sweat:.

It consumes me so much and I cry almost daily about this and don’t know what to do to get out of the circle of almost counting down the years. I feel like life is becoming shorter and shorter and I am becoming more and more terrified of dying. I am nearly 44 and can’t help but feel so afraid that I will not have long left and will suddenly develop the conditions my mind had. She had type two diabetes, a pacemaker, anclosing spondylitis, low white blood cells, a lung condition which I’m not sure of and I can’t help but panic I will get these things too in my 50’s like she did :cry:. Her mum didn’t have these conditions and died at the age of 94 but I feel so anxious all the time it’s horrible :sleepy:.

I’m also recently diagnosed autistic, ADHD and dyslexic so death and anxiety are very hard for me to manage. Just wondering if anyone else has felt the same or can advise me as I’m very down about it x


Hi @Learningtolive,
How awful for you to be carrying around this fear & anxiety.
I can hear how real this fear is for you, but let’s add some logic here, statistically more people are living longer, & the age one person passes isn’t necessarily an indication of what age other family members may pass. For example, my grandparents on both sides lived well into old age, my mom was the youngest of 9, some of her siblings died in there 70s, some reached 80s, but my mom passed ages 64. On my dad’s side, he was the youngest of 4, one brother died of cancer as A child, one brother died of a heart condition in his mid-50s, & one at 70, so death, & the subject of when we will die can’t really be predicted by what age other family members have passed. On the flip side of this, I don’t want to scare you with this, but some health conditions are hereditary, though that doesn’t mean you would pass at the same age, though it should qualify you for any tests that may be able to find them early.
My only suggestion, tbh no-one knows how long they have, but if you spend so much time worrying about it, that worrying has an effect on your health too, if you have health concerns, maybe look into what can help them, eg- health supplements, or doing a regular yoga class, you can find things that would be helpful now in advance, so like, my boyfriends family has a history of heart & high cholesterol problems, so we use a butter with less saturated fats, we go for walks regularly, avoid too much sugar (except as a treat), the thing is to focus on the things you can change & actually do something about, it’s not constructive to make yourself ill worrying about it.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow’s a mystery, but today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present :gift:.

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@Learningtolive I completely understand why you feel a sense of anxiety about your family history. However, torturing yourself about what might or might not happen in the future is a waste of your energy. You deserve to live a happy life. None of us know what the future holds and human fate is not just about DNA. Surely by making good lifestyle choices and monitoring your health, you can feel that you’re doing all you can to live well. Worrying and stressing about the future will not help! However, I can understand that loss brings a sense of your own mortality to the forefront. Perhaps counselling might help if you are really struggling? Sending you best wishes, take care xx

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