My mum passed away Jan 2020 and it still feels unreal. She was 63 and it was unexpected. I miss her all the time, perhaps even more so now a year has passed.
It was quite traumatic and as a result I feel anxious I will lose somebody else I love. I think about death a lot of the time and feel it’s unhealthy but struggle to get out of that mind sight. In particular I think about losing my partner who is 8 years older than me and think about what would happen if I lost my young child.
I know I can’t control what will happen in the future and need to live life to the fullest. That is what my mum would want but it’s hard.
Has anyone experienced this type of anxiety following a death and what has helped you? Thank you x
Thank you. You’re right and I’m sure I’m not alone in being conscious about experiencing death again in the future. I’m hoping with lockdown easing it will become easier, I won’t be with my thoughts so much and can spend time with my family
So sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum in March 2020 at only 63 as well. Since then my anxiety has got worse and I also worry about losing someone else. I worry about my Dad being alone and panic if he doesn’t answer the phone. I also feel worse at times now than I did at first, it definitely comes in waves. Some days are definitely worse than others and the only way I find to cope is to try and stay busy and occupy my mind. Losing a parent is such a big loss and I think it really brings to our minds how precious life is. Losing my Mum has definitely changed me and I don’t feel like things will be the same again. x
I’m really sorry to hear you lost your mum. I lost my grandad the year previously and although incredibly sad my mum passing has had a more profound effect. I think when someone dies before they are supposed to (you just expect everyone will reach old age) it is more tragic.
I’m sorry you experience similar anxiety but selfishly it’s reassuring I’m not the only one. Me and my sisters feel the same about our dad, if only we could wrap everyone we love in cotton wool hey.
Thank you for taking the time to reply and share how you are feeling. x
Hi honey,
I’m very similar to you. It is very very normal and grief is horrendous and changes with time . My mum died aged 83 2 years ago and it still hurts but in a different way.
I seem to think about her constantly when I’m not distracted. I also worry about death and my own death more now. Something I never thought about really.
I have just read an article on this website called ‘losing a parent’ . It makes so much sense sweetheart. Try and read it. I guarantee you will relate to it. It doesn’t matter how old we are , we are still children when it comes to our parents. I told my mum everything and she was so very very wise.
My husband and I have been together 30 years. I’m 57 and he is 73 so like you I worry about him dying aswell.
I also lost my sister 5 years ago to cancer so I miss her too dreadfully but it is a very different grief.
Hi
Sorry for your loss of your mum.
Yes in answer to your question. Anxiety has been really an unwanted feeling in this process for me.
We all have our own ways of getting through this awful ordeal.
I hope you have some clarity and can get through this day by day.
Do something for yourself. Just for you.
Take care
G
Hi Kirsty, first of all I’m so sorry to hear about your mum - sending a big virtual hug. I can really relate to what you’re saying here. I’m 25, my Dad died last year, completely out of the blue, he was a fit and healthy 50 year old. The death was traumatic to say the least and I’ve heavily been involved in everything… well, all of it really, as I’m his next to kin/administrator. I really worry at times about losing other people. I worry about how I would cope. But they do say that you are only given what God knows you can handle even though this well and truly sucks. I think losing someone so close to me has made me appreciate what I have more now because I didn’t fully realise what I had until it was gone. Some days I feel fine but the last few days have not been good for me. The trauma of losing my Dad, in the way that I did, makes me realise how fragile life is which is scary, but the truth is, life is no more dangerous than it was before and it’s not any safer than it was before. It was an illusions of safety before I lost my Dad, and now it can be an illusion of fear. I hope this has given you some food for thought. Once again I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. You’ll get there. We both will If you haven’t already had counselling it might be worth picking this up, I know it’s helped me along the way x
I’ve avoided looking at these posts because I’ve not wanted to feel sad but it’s so kind of you all to message and share your experiences. I’m so sorry about the loved ones you have lost, I really am.
I’ve found facing the pain does seem to help with the healing process, as hard as it is. I’m not always very good at it and do tend to bottle up the emotions. I’ve found this forum helpful and I appreciate you all x
Thank you its been one hell of a bumpy road but i have no choice but to keep going although its not easy and only coming from a small family I feel everyone is just leaving
If you haven’t already had counselling it might be worth picking this up, I know it’s helped me along the way x