Fear of being on my own

My name is Nick. I’m 41 with two beautiful children. I lost my wife to cancer in December of last year after a 5 year battle. I watched her go from being a fit, serving British soldier, to a tired, poorly young woman. We started and ended our lives together in the same way, in each others arms. She was my best friend and I have a huge void that I can’t seem to be able to accept.
I’m afraid of trying to move on but I’m also afraid of being on my own…its a very lonely place and it hurts like hell.
If anyone is going through the same, I’d like to know how you are find that little bit of solice through the day and how you drive through the hours. My boys are beautiful and they keep me smiling but I have a deep rooted pain which I can’t control.


Dear Nick

I lost my husband suddenly in a tragic accident in September. We were married over 38 years and together as a couple for 42. Our two beautiful little grandsons are what I focus on now and our two adult kids.

I was in the park with our eldest grandson the other day. He is only 19 months. He came over, sat next to me and then gave me a hug. I smiled but was crying inside. I was crying at my husband’s loss, at our grandson’s loss and wondered if it was just affection or were my true feelings betraying and could be seen by our little man. I am now the keeper of my husband’s memories and will ensure that I make sure to talk to our grandsons about their wonderful granda

The pain will always be there but I can only hope that the smiles increase for all of us on this awful journey.

Take care. Thinking of you and your boys. You will be what keeps your wife’s memory alive for your boys.

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Hi Nick

I’m only 3 weeks into my grief journey having lost my husband to cancer aged 50 (I’m 44)

Like your wife my husband was also my best friend and the void I feel in our lives is unbearable and I can’t see how ill ever be normal again and/or normal.

I’m interested also in others answers, the pain I feel will never go away from what I read on here and I am scared of what the future holds for me and my girls.

The only thing I can ever see helping is keeping busy

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Hi to you all. My husband passed away in March. It was very sudden and unexpected. I was with my husband for 15 years, married for 10 and I have to say with my hand on my heart, as a 57 year old they were the best years of my life.
I have no idea if I will be on my own forever as I do believe in fate. At the moment I have no desire to to have anyone, but my hubby, in my life although I am desperately lonely……… if only I could turn back the clock.
And although I have a large family and plenty of friends, so never really short of company, the loneliness is for my husband.
So no real answers here at all except to say that I’m glad I have found this group, for the support and understanding that I receive and hope to give in return.
Stay as strong as you can, my new family and hugs to you all. X

Like everyone here, I can’t get past the fact that I will never feel my husband’s arms around me again. I loved being part of a couple - always have been as we were together from being 16 - my life was wonderful and I knew it and was grateful for it. I feel so sad for him and my kids that it was cut short suddenly. Can’t help feeling that however long I have left, it will be a shadow of what it was and that’s hard to think about when I could have decades left. I try to think of the more immediate future and getting through each day but it is hard.

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Hi nick
I lost my beloved husband 2 months ago to lung cancer it was awful to watch such a fit man struggling in his final weeks. We met when I was 17 he is all I have ever known. I was his 2nd wife he had married before. My life now is lonely :disappointed:we have 2 grown up children and 2 granddaughters I have no interest in anything no up and go absolutely nothing. I started back work last week but that was to get me out this house.The pain in my body at losing my husband is un describable I won’t ever see him again or cuddle him that is like a knife going through me when reality hits.
I will never be me again ad he was the other half of me.My soul mate my go to my world. Together 32 years married for coming up 25 years. So sad
Take care

I’m in a similar position - together from being 16 for 34 years. The longer it goes on the harder it is to think about him never hugging me again. I am taking the kids on holiday to the holiday we had booked for us as a couple. I a, just so sad that we should have been spending time together and never will again. I get through each day but when I wake up on the following morning I just think how pointless it all is. Sending hugs

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I’m doing the same really. My boys keep.me busy. I had to take a career break earlier this year to try and cope with my own headspace for.the sake of them. It really helped. I think with Covid and being quite restricted, it also helped as big leveller but as we have them lifted and people are enjoying themselves together, it really has hit home that I, as we all are on here, are really alone…

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Thank you so much.
It’s hard to be strong all the time and just when you feel youre on top of it, it hits you again…small things that remind you and you’re back to square one…


Thank you for your message.
I had pondered long and hard about reaching out but the last few weeks have proven to me that I’m really broken and I need support. Speaking amongst people that understand will hopefully not only help me but I can help other people too.

I think trying to get through one day at a time is good. I set little goals and make sure I achieve them at the end if each day…small, insignificant things to most people but hige to me with how I’m feeling…

My name is Ann i I’ve just recently lost my husband ,we was everything to each other, it was a sudden death 8 weeks in total,yes I’m lost ,heart broken ,numb,can’t believe he’s gone ,yes scared of future,grief is terrible,I don’t know how to be ,feel ,yes my heart is broken , the pain is terrible ,your not on your own


Hi Horserider58,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It is a terrible thing to lose the person who was everything to you, and there are lots of people on this forum who will understand the loss, heart break and numbness you describe.

I’m glad you’ve found this forum and hope that you spend some time here. Although nothing can make the reality of your loss better, many of us here find that there is comfort in sharing our experiences of grief.

Best Wishes,

I’m 5 months on this awful journey. I lost my wife in March she passed suddenly: I left home for work saying goodbye, she felt unwell in midday and passed at small hours the next day. She was my childhood sweat heart: 32 years together and 25 years married. She’s my only true friend as I may be a bit strict on the definition. After her departure the world doesn’t feel like a safe place any more. I plod on for our 14 yo daughter who is heartbroken as she regarded her mom as best friend. Now I am starting to get used to being alone all the time. It’s so different than it used to be when we were 2 peas of a pod. I get a bit more numb at the pain but still excruciating at times. I feel the better time of my life is gone forever and I’ll go down a declining course. All I have is my duty to my daughter but I take no joy in everything life has to offer. Life is incredibly cruel and good people get punished for no reason.


I feel the same, sorry I cannot offer any comfort, I lost my soulmate in a lorry crash, married over 30 years and now I am into the second year without him, I feel I am feeling worse not better. I dont want to move house or go out or do anything except work. I used to be quite independent but now he is not here I am not. All my friends are happy couples, I cant even listen to the radio with their requests for other halfs and I hate the traffic news. I try and keep it to myself but I think its time to tell people that I am struggling and why, not that they will have any answers because I dont



I lost my partner very suddenly in March he was diagnosed in January with Cancer but we were always positive that it would be okay. I watched him go from a happy, vibrant 40 year old to passing away in front of me.

I still cry daily and feel so alone. I have two children a 14 year old girl and a 12 year old boy but we all feel so separate. Friends started off by texting everyday to now texting rarely. It is so hard and feel like we haven’t had a lot of support.

It just feels like it is all on you and it just happens so quickly. I don’t want to be alone for ever I am only 38 but my children are so defensive if I ever talk about the future. It is so hard.

I think people mean well by including you in things as well but it just highlights that you are not in a couple anymore and then it is horrible to come home to an empty house.

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So sorry for your situation Nick, I lost my wife on the 18th Dec last year after a 6 year battle with cancer. We were lucky in respect of being married 48 years and our children are adults with kids of there own. I can’t imagine how you cope being so much younger. Personally I keep as busy as possible in the day but at night I struggle being on my own. Grieving is so hard and I expect it to continue for a good while. There’s no easy way through it just try your best everyday and enjoy your children and ask for help from a professional when you can’t cope. My heart goes out to you I wish you and your kids a healthy future all the best SK

I’m so sorry for your sad loss it is very difficult :disappointed: I lost my husband of 25 years together 32 years only 10 weeks ago like you I said it would be ok we will fight this cancer no it took a part of him every day and I was with him till the very end our lifes have been destroyed completely yes I don’t hear from anyone now not even a coffee invite but I won’t ever forget.
The coming home to an empty house is soul destroying it’s awful.just take 1 day at a time

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Hello everyone,

Given what a number of you have shared, I wanted to reach out on here and share details of some support services that might be helpful and relevant to your situations:

WAY (Widowed and Young) is for anyone under 50 who has lost a partner - they offer online forums and offline meet-ups.
WAY Up is the same as WAY but for 50+.
Sudden offers support after a sudden death and has useful resources for adults and children.

Thank you so much for reaching out and for the way in which you are supporting one another - do have a look at these other services if you feel you need more support.

Please know you’re not alone.

Take care,

Hi Christine. I’m in the States, and we have many Grief Share groups meeting locally most of which are held at churches. They run for 13 weeks and have been a great support. I’m signing up again for another 13 weeks. Perhaps you can start one in your area.

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