Hi,
I wondered if anyone could help me.
Since my partner passed away I’m staying with my mum.
I have started to have a genuine fear of been alone.
I wondered if anyone else has ever gone through this.
I feel so scared.
Aly
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@AlysonandSteve . l understand your fear. Unfortunately when my husband died l had no option as l am disabled & housebound, so live in this house by myself.
Like most things you have to do it one step at a time. As you are staying with your mum maybe you can go home alone now & then to do something and then go back to mums, each time spending a little longer there.
Be assured we here on SR will be with you albeit virtual.
lm sending hugs . 
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Hi,
I understand this fear, when someone we love & care for passes, this leaves a big empty space in our lives, coming to terms with this empty space takes time, possibly this fear of being alone, is somewhere mixed with the feeling of being left, or left behind. Look at it this was, with a partner, you know the other person is going to be around all the time, they are there if you need comfort or support, & when they pass is an emotional, traumatic time, where we enevitably need support, need someone to talk to, comforting hugs, but our number one support person is gone, & we need to get used to our own space again, it’s understandable that this is uncomfortable.
If you think it would help, maybe counciling might be helpful, but you do what’s comfortable for you. Sending hugs of support.
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Thank you all for taking the time to write back to me.
Do you have any tips on how to fight this fear?
I am seeing a councillor but I seem to do all the talking at the minute.
Thank you all
Hi @AlysonandSteve,
Horribly I have a lot of experience in overcoming fears & phobias, I suffered with selective mutism as a child, was bullied through 5 schools very badly, then abused by my now ex boyfriend, when I started therapy, from all this trauma, I started with a list of 17 phobias, gladly now in my 30s, I’ve managed to get that list down to my top 5. It took a long time because I had to tackle each phobia one at a time.
Ok, in CBT therapy they use something called the exposure technique, basically, you take a moment to think about your phobia as a whole, what it is about it that scares you, so you understand it, for example, are there any kind of exceptions to the rule, like, are you ok on your own say, if you’re in a coffee shop where there are other people for example, or is it just in your house, then create a confidence ladder, which is a hierarchy of situations to do with this fear, putting least scary at the bottom, & working your way up to your ultimate goal at the top, which would be being comfortable alone. It depends on the extent of your phobia, but if you’re scared alone, even at mom’s house, then I would say start there, I would suggest to begin with, start by spending time alone for about 15 minutes & work your way up from there, when you feel ready, maybe ask mom to come to your house with you, then gradually increase your time alone there. It’s important not to try to rush it, but trust your own instincts about what feels comfortable & right for you. It may help to do relaxed breathing when you do this. When you get to the point of going to your house, it may help if you give yourself an everyday chore to do so you don’t clock watch.
The other thing most CBT therapists say when working on phobias, it always have a backup plan just in case, so if you have a moment where it feels overwhelming, for example, someone you can call, always remember to breathe, & stick with it. Remember, “oaks grow strong under contrart winds & diamonds are made under extreme pressure,” your stronger than you know. Hope this helps.
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@AlysonandSteve I had a terrible fear of being alone at home when my husband passed. I couldn’t cope at all unless someone was in the house with me. I was ok out of the house. Now I’m nearly 10 weeks into this journey and although I don’t like being at home on my own I’m learning to cope better with it. Sending hugs
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