Fear

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m afraid I have no words of wisdom for you, just a shared pain.

My partner Karen died in March this year and it is still very raw. We had been together for over 22 years and the pain is unbearable.

I too have had thoughts of taking my own life but I remember one of the last conversations we had before she died when she made me promise to take good care of the kids and grandkids and help them through the pain of losing her.

So when I get those suicidal thoughts I focus on Karen’s final request and it gets me through the dark thoughts.

Everyone tells me the pain will ease with time and I long for that day because every day is a struggle

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@Andy8464 i have suicidal ideation which is happening more and more at the moment. I don’t have any active plan just a desire not to be here you know ? Sometimes I’m gripped with sheet panic when I realise that Baz has gone forever- and simply not , say , out for the day to visit his dad up north . I don’t know how long this will last but I hope it eventually stops . As he died so suddenly and completely without any warning, we were unable to make any plans for how I would cope without him . I’m grateful actually that it was so quick because I know full well that he would be so worried about how I would cope without him - we were 2 half’s of the same whole and it’s so difficult finding reasons to carry on . I do have a son who is married, but rather selfishly I think he’s happy and would still be happy without me here . Maybe I’m wrong, this isn’t the sort of conversation I have with him . This really is so hard isn’t it , carrying on when the only person you really need in life is never coming back xx

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