Hi,
I am new to this site but reading posts is giving me some strength.
I lost my partner of 10 years whilst we were on holiday in Lanzarote.
I am feeling so desperate as I can’t live without him.
I have a strong desire to be with him as I can’t cope with missing him.
He loved me so much.
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Hi, many of us on here know exactly what you are going through. The pain is horrendous as is the desire to join them. All we can do is hold on to each other and try to get through it together.
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Thank you Tiffany.
I fear a future without him.
The anxiety I’m feeling is paralysing me.
I don’t have any family.
Will I get through this pain?
Aly xxxx
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You will get through it hour by hour if needs be. You are not alone thinking how will you manage, but somehow we do. I’m 65 days in now from when my nightmare began when my husband, Keith had a heart attack and died in my car whilst driving. He then spent 13 days in ITU but they let him go due to brain damage. I have lots of moments throughout the whole event to get through. I don’t know how I am managing but, we do, something gets us through this bit by bit and chatting on here, I find helps and knowing there are lots of us sadly going through the same thing. Try not to dwell too much on life without them, try and think of what you have had, and yes I know full well how hard that is. What would they want you to do now, make them proud how you are coping. Think of things you could do or get on with that they would like. Remember they will want the best for us and to get on with life. Take your time. I am making a wood carving for my husband, our initials and some mistletoe which we have growing in our garden. I will make a box for memories of my Keith and place bits in it as I go. He was a carpenter, so I’m trying to make him proud of my efforts! Just think of little things, hopefully you can smile a little and think yes, he would be proud of me doing that, and slowly, day by day, you are getting on with life. We all cope differently, but we have too get on.
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@AlysonandSteve I’m so sorry for your loss and truly understand what you are going through. I lost my partner 13 weeks ago. Life is really tough and some days I don’t know how I will get though it but I’m still here.
I’m not sure how long ago you lost your partner but just take each day as it comes. Some will be better than others.
We are all here for you x
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Thank you so much for your replies.
My partner died 6 weeks ago and the funeral is on Thursday.
I keep getting dark thoughts as I no longer want to be without him.
He was my world.
I’m scared where my thoughts are taking me.
I just want the pain to stop now.
Aly x
We are all here to help you through this. Nearly 7 weeks on and I hate my life. I still can’t comprehend how different things can feel. One minute sailing through life perfectly happy, the next, living with an aching heavy heart and tears always waiting to fall. We had so many plans and now I don’t even wash my mug in 3 days. There are things I could do but instead I just push through each day. I’ve always been a positive person until now, but this has me stumped. All we can do is know there is strength in us as a group as we hold on through this nightmare ride.
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Thank you Tiffany
Every morning I wish I didn’t wake up.
I have so much fear for the future.
My partners funeral is on Thursday and I can’t even think about getting ready for it or how I’m going to get through the day.
I wish my partner would take me be with him…I pray every night that he will.
I am so sorry for your loss…do you have family and friends?
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@AlysonandSteve the funeral will be hard, but you will get through it.
In the very early stages I think it was mainly the shock of everything that happened I was feeling. Just numb not wanting to wake up and re live the nightmare again.
I’m week 13 now and things are slightly easier. I still wake every morning and want my old life back but do find the grief is not as consuming as it was.
Stay strong, and remember we are all here for you x
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@AlysonandSteve
Ive felt and still feeling the same, im 11 weeks in and my soulmate was suddenly taken from me and my whole world imploded. Still cry out for Jane to come and get me and still have dark thoughts of me going to her. Have friends and family but none of them could ever understand how im truly feeling.
Being on this forum enables me to talk to people who feel my pain and heart ache and its such a release to be able to write down how you feel without being judged or told that maybe you should start thinking of moving on. We are all on here for the same reason just different circumstances as we travel this horrible grief road 
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Thank you so much for sharing with me.
I struggling to find any reason to keep going.
I don’t this pain and sadness I’m feeling will ever end.
I don’t even feel the same person anymore.
I’m desperate for help but know no one can end this pain apart from me.
I do appreciate all your support
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I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. Your loss is so very recent and raw.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
- If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @AlysonandSteve, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Seaneen
@AlysonandSteve
The pain and grief for me comes in waves, i can be ok 1 minute then the slightest little thing brings a tsunami of tears, pain and helplessness. There isnt any time that im not thinking of Jane and i talk to her urn and say goodnight and blow her a kiss every night, i still ask her why she had to go and leave me with this pain. For me things settled down a little bit after being through the coroner’s and the funeral and eventually getting Jane’s ashes home back to where she belongs.
There is plenty of us on here to talk and share your grief so just reach out, i have many a time and it helps to release the build up inside of you x
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Thank you
I went to the doctor today and they have given me anxiety tablets.
I’m so scared to be on my own…I miss everything about my partner.
I wish nature would take me now as I know I will never be truly happy again.
I have two wonderful friends but I never want them to leave me.
I am sorry for your loss
Thank you for reaching out to me.
I watched the video you kindly sent me
@AlysonandSteve
I feel the same wishing for my time to be over, id love to go to sleep and think of Jane and never wake up again. Every day is like groundhog day
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What gets you through the days?
Do you believe your Jane is at peace and watching over you?
@AlysonandSteve
My days are just some sort of blur like im running on auto pilot, dont know where the hours go sometimes, we have a dog so he is always good at telling me when its time for a walk but even when im out with him i end up looking to the sky and asking Jane where is she.
I dont necessarily believe in afterlife i think when your gone thats it. Jane always believed and said if she went before me she would say something in my ear that i would know was her, 11 weeks on and nothing so sort of backs my believe up, although id love to be wrong and to hear her in my ear.
Even if im right and there isnt nothing id rather find out 1st hand than live this so called life i have now. Im just totally bewildered and feel very lost and alone 
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@AlysonandSteve
If Jane is looking over me then she would see the pain and grief im experiencing and she would come and get me to be with her.
I really dont know i just know my soul mate and rock has gone
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