Well…18 months virtually to the day I seem to have hit a wall. After a weekend that featured me playing with my old band 53 years to the day we first played a gig…at an annual small community owned park festival where me and my Sandie used to play previously …and where I finally scattered some of her ashes just last week…I now feel totally deflated and finished. I actually only realised today that all these the dates coincided…she died 22 January 2023…it all came together. I also dedicated a song to our niece…who died 20 June 2022…too much to cope with. What on earth is the point of all this? Everybody, family and old friends, totally supportive…they are happy I seem ‘ok’…moving on with ‘my life’…well, I’m not…it’s rubbish…I hate it… Hate getting through everyday…hate what’s going on in the world…hate the society we are all living in…hate commercialism…hate lying politicians…and money grabbing capitalism…sorry to unload…have a nice day everyone 
You have just matched my life and feelings, obviously not the dates but the disillusionment with the world as a whole, people who don’t care, people who set up “business’s” to scam and steal, for the first time I didn’t even vote because every politician lies but then I am a grumpy old git who is going through a shit time like everybody on here so maybe that has a lot to do with it!
Completely agree Swift. First time I didn’t vote in decades. What’s the point? Whoever got in , it wouldn’t change my life or our nightmare situations.
My feelings exactly (again except the dates)when people troll out now “how you doing,are you coping ok,how you feeling” my stock answer now is utterly crap thanks for asking,David Copperfield couldn’t produce a better disappearing trick.
@UnityMan this is why we miss our wives so much as they were our purpose to keep battling in this ever virtual toxic world. Our purpose was to keep them protected. Being doing this ever since we were 15. It takes a huge effort to now look at the world and not be unhappy. I uplug from all this media as none of it really matters and having watched theclivecof my life die in front of me, makes everything else trivial. This said i am turning into the proverbially angy man, which wasnt me at all. Stay safe allen.
Yes it is hard. Today I am just plodding on. So slow.
To think I am getting somewhere I have been writing down what I did do. Mostly to do with tackling the outside because I need to cheer myself up when I see the garden looking nice.
I had a little tear because my grandson has left primary school and it reminds me of my own children’s milestones and when I was that age. That my husband has missed it being gone 20 months.
Yesterday I cleaned off his headstone and just sat on his bench like we used to do. I have just cut my own hair again.
Tackling the never ending things slowly. Tomorrow will stay overnight alone at Warners to break up the routine. Maybe something nice will happen maybe not.
But if I don’t make the effort nothing changes.