You are so kind ,I am trying to eat but is quite hard ,yes I do have people to call and talk to but do not want to be a burden on them.I do not know why today has been so difficult,it has all come crashing down on me again that she has gone out of my life.Never had a pain like this before not even when my son was killed by a car when he was 28,Judith was there for me.I just feel like I do not want to be here anymore but too much of a coward to do it.Cannot go on like this ,just nothing left for me but pain and anguish.Michael.
Michael, I truly understand how eating in such raw grief can seem impossibleā¦itās vicious circle as when donāt eat have little to no energy to deal or cope with the emotional demands put on usā¦add in no sleep and just awful.
You have lost your son alsoā¦my wordā¦I watched my mum go through the loss of my sister who was 33 to cancer ā¦maybe you coped differently with that because you had Judith by your side ā¦each grief is different but Iāve experienced many losses and on each loss it brings up all the others losses tooā¦itās truly exhaustingā¦you just want some respiteā¦I again understand not wanting to feel a burden as I can feel that too and unless you have gone through grief others donāt always ā get it ā and then you end up feeling more alone and lonelyā¦I have to have TV on or podcasts all the whileā¦only time I can have silence is when walking - which atm I have to push myself to do.
You say you donāt understand why today is more difficult but you are doing huge thing todayā¦please be kind to yourselfā¦I wish I had better words for you ā¦sending comfort.
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Thank you for your words of comfort,this grief is truly exhausting as you say,never known pain like this before.I get hungry but cannot eat ,I get tired but cannot sleep,I am missing her so very much ,I do not think I can live without her ,she was my world every day,the reason I woke up for.Then to cap it all they phoned to say her ashes are ready for collection,just what I needed today when I am in a mess again.Michael.
The pain of missing them is intenseā¦my mum was my world and when I lost mum I truly believed the pain was ( is) so crippling, agony that is hard to describe to someone who has never experienced itā¦those who havenāt been through loss ,tend to say well meaning things but I think they are lucky that they donāt understand this feeling- painā¦you are having the news to collect your wifeās ashes tooā¦Iām sorry I can only offer wordsā¦I have been at the point where I donāt wanna carry onā¦so I understand how overwhelming that feeling is ā¦that in itself is exhausting! Please be kind to yourself
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I feel the same tray, do lost without my mam. Just canāt function properly. I feel really alone and annoyed at the minute, those people who promised my mam theyād take care of meā¦Iām 35 but still I have no family. The people that said theyād be there for u, they all rally round after the funeral ā¦months later when u need them most they donāt bother. A check in text of how are u would be nice now n again. Then when u eventually do see them āoh ur coping really wellā ā¦well actually no Iām not, ur not here to see me on my bad days when I need people. So disheartening, my circle was small before now itās getting smaller. Thank god I have my dogs xx
Hi Emmab136
I understand what you meanā¦those who say be there after few weeks never areā¦itās mths years later that it can hit you more and the support has vanishedā¦can just feel like it was empty words from them or they said it because they thought itās whatās said at such timesā¦it hurts doesnāt itā¦
I think with Christmas approaching it can start to bite even moreā¦the TV adverts are really starting nowā¦know its lovely if have lots of family and in good place but itās very painful when you arenātā¦my mum loved Christmas and I loved it with herā¦now Iām starting to really feel my heart hurt and think she was taken so young and cruellyā¦
I lost my therapist in fur dog ā¦so now itās just me and the loneliness can hurtā¦Iām so glad you have your dogs they are saviours ! Fur therapy.
Please keep reaching out if you wanna chatā¦lots love x
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Thanks tray, my mam was 62 taken too young. Wish I had of had at least 10 more years with her. The days just past into months then u wonder where the time goes. Yet some days and nights time stands still. Itās a funny thing but I count down the days, each day gone is a day closer to being with her again.
Iām not a big Xmas lover, I only did it for my mam she loved Xmas and decorationsā¦we did have some nice Xmas the past few years. This year I just donāt want to know about it and Xmas adverts are doing my head in. With not keeping in touch with people as much I feel like Iām getting a bit lonelier, feel like just jumping in a black hole away from the world just to get a break and shut off from everything. Xxx
Hi Emma,
I understand that feelingā¦Iām tryingā¦just looked through few bits now ā¦last with it being Covid it was a blurry different Christmas this year there seems to be such emphasis on ā family together ā which is beautiful if you have such family.
My was was 60 so l like you thought Iād have many many more years togetherā¦we were peas in a podā¦Iām guessing Iām more years on than youā¦and until very recently Iāve been doing lot better with grief but now itās stating to all really hit meā¦the loneliness is horrible 
ā¦thank you for replying x
When the Christmas ads come on O hit the mute button,do not want to see big happy families now that I am on my own .Lonely old Christmas forever more.I am hurting again today,started out ok but then the big black cloud dumped on me.Michael.
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I know how u feel Michael every day is different and I donāt know how u feel till the days come. Days I get like that I just donāt do anything much Cos I just canāt face it xx
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Getting through each day is a huge challenge,have to keep busy but it is not easy.When you stop it all comes crashing down again.Had a good cry again today in a weak moment,but what is wrong with that.I hate being alone,hate this lonely house now.It was our home but it is not a home now it is just a place to live.Michael.
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