Feel a right Billy no mates

After loosing the love of my life just over a year ago I feel a right Billy no mates.
We were a couple that went to a lot of social things ie northern soul nights/ week Enders, scooter events, ukulele festivals .
Since my Rob has passed away I don’t do a quarter of this I have been to two soul events . Although Rob has only been passed for just over a year and we have had lockdown but I feel so alone.
Friends don’t keep contact even though I send them messages and all those friends who said a year ago I will be there for you whenever you need me , well that was just said at the time because it was something that just said in that situation .
It’s a very difficult thing I’m trying to get across and I do hope that some of you out there understand what I’m trying to say.
I don’t want people gathering around me and wrapping me In cotton wool so to speak but just an acknowledgment would be nice.
I dread anyone saying are you going here or there because I don’t have anyone to go places with I just make excuses. My cousin and her husband have been marvellous but I feel as if I’m imposing on them all the time .
She has asked me to book to go to Whitby Motown week end again In September , we went this September and it was a good week end but the friend that came with me on my husbands ticket hasn’t contacted me even though I have sent her messages she don’t reply . I said to my cousin yes of course I will book the B&B but I don’t know if I need to book a twin room or a single ( being a Billy no mates) . All our friends are still in relationships .
Sometimes I just feel I’m begging people to come places with me so I don’t go .
It’s such a difficult one


Tillwemeetagain thank you for your reply . The last thing I want is sympathy from anyone and I don’t want people to go places with me out of pity if that’s the right word I’m sure you know what I mean.
Obviously I miss my Rob more than words could ever say but I miss the companionship .
Well well as we speak my friend has messaged me saying she doesn’t know what she will be doing yet so at least she has replied .

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Tillwemeetagain thank you so much xx

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I feel the same way kazzer my friend said to me you must go alone on your first coach holiday without my husband and then you’ll be okay for any more you might have All my friends have got their partners but I haven’t booked up yet. No confidence is my problem I’ve joined the site online that’s as far as I’ve got still finding it hard to do the big things without him by my side thanks for listening hope you are ok x

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Liz7 I’m still having bad days and suppose I will for a while longer if not a life time .
I totally understand what you say about doing things alone and you friends still being part of a couple . It’s very hard to suddenly start doing things alone when we have been so used to doing things with someone by our side

Coach holidays on your own,how does that work then with everyone else with their partners.We loved those Warners trips going by coach.But do I go alone?


It’s difficult isn’t it if I want a break I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and do it all I think is that when others see me they are going to say Hide it’s that bloody woman again :smirk:x


Hi kazzer I know excatley how ur feeling iv lost my best friend my mum ad everyones there 4 u at the beginning even so called family it soon wore of after a month or so calls slowed down visits friends calling I’m in the same boat as u havent really gt gd friends to do anythk go out to trips with now so if after wiv chatted abit on ere we could always meet fr coffee I live in tamworth do you .

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I live in Nottinghamshire

Aww that’s a shame put we can still speak on ere how r you feeling at moment it is a very difficult time ur having .

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Always happy to chat xxx

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That’s good things will hopefully get better for u .

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Hi all in this thread ( I think I’m replying to all by writing this here ??)

I’ve lost both my parents,sister and some very close friends and my therapist in fur.

I’ve only recently started posted on here again after such a long time…for some reason the grief and lonliness seems to be biting more…it’s a horrible feeling…I’ve not lost a partner so I can’t pretend to even know what that’s like ,I can empathize in this horrible thing that is grief though !! I always say it’s a club that no one wants to be part of or join…I wish none of us were here as it’s such a painful lonely road but here we are…sorry, I’m dyslexic and struggling to find my words…none feel right…I hope it comes across as meant…lonliness is horrible! Sending you all love and comfort xx

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You have said it all Tray,this club is the worst in the world to be a part of,the grief and the lonliness are unbearable,I struggle every to eat and to sleep and the sick feeling never goes away.It eats you away bit by bit until there is nothing left.Losing my darling wife has destroyed me completely.I am empty,might as well be dead.Michael.


Hello both to lose ur sole partner must be really really hard fr u it’s going to take along time put little steps ay Mickey and tray iv lost my parents aswell to dreaded C word my mum died in lock down on her birthday iv lost most my family put worse is the family that r still ere arnt interested anymore my sister as a cold heart my brothers drinkin all the time iv just been diagnosed wiv PTSD insomnia anxiety we have to be strong ad stick together :disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved:

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Hi Michael,

My heart goes out to you …which I know isn’t much when feeling so horrendous! I too experienced what you are going through ( although it’s all unquie to us all ) when I first lost my mum I was in absolute hell…I couldn’t find any respite at all…I couldn’t eat ,sleep,rest or function…I was so so poorly…I remember feeling just constant anxiety, sickness ,retching ,no sleep, nightmares …driving myself crazy with unanswered and unwanted questions…it really was like tuture! I’m having a bit of a moment now where I’m relapsing a bit …I’m trying to take the reins and get control but difficult when get so tired with it…but compared to how I was it’s completely different…I feel I’m just rambling words to you ,maybe I’m just trying to show some sort of hope to you or just share that not completely alone in such horrendous feelings ( in all ways,physically, mentally and emotionally) grief affects ALL aspects …no one ever warns you just how exhausting it is ! Just when you need strength to to help fight the emotional things…lonliness is the thing that is really hitting me now …it feels like it’s that powerful at times it could kill you it’s such strong feeling.

Sorry, maybe I’m not helping at all…I found in early days ( sorry if such cliche words! As I know such words can grate ) that my GP did help he was also my mums doctor and very lucky that he excellent…he really did give me time and listened to me…I did have sleeping tablets to help and anxiety medication just so I could try to even eat a little- for months I lived off just microwave porridge and I mean months could be over year …but my saviour was getting a puppy ,she saved my life …sadly I lost her too at just 3 so again I am on my own but she was my world and gave such comfort and was my best friend…I still feel I’m just waffling on and not really making any constructive points at all…I guess I’m just trying to say I do understand the torture that grief is …I used to fight my feelings as they were unbearable, now I let them in a bit and just accept that they are s**t !!! But take them hour by hour or min by min and that does help and things like this site and any distraction…but I also truly understand that it’s not easy and when things hit it feels unbearable and so so lonely and I’m having moments where just feels too much and tiring…sorry I’m not much help…please keep reaching out here.

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Hi Mar1.

I’m so sorry to read…I’ve experienced traumatic loss too and it’s extremely difficult…those words don’t do it justice at all !!! I too can relate to what you have wrote about lack of family care or support…that just adds to the hurt we already feel.

I’m sorry…I’ve now got brain fog and very tired but I just wanted to reach out and acknowledge your post.

You are right…have to stick together…this is such a good site …just wish none of us had to be part of as we are all in the pain of grief…

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Hi @Mickeyboy31,

I’m so sorry to hear about the difficult time you are experiencing at the moment.

There’s always someone out there to help you through this. You are not alone.

If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

Please do keep talking about how you’re feeling, and reach out for support.

Be compassionate to yourself and take the space and time you need to grieve.

Take good care of yourself,

Thank you for caring,I am going through hell again today,just been told my dear wife’s ashes are ready for collection,so another traumatic day ahead.This living nightmare just gets worse by the day.I have lost over a stone in weight already in the past few weeks.Cannot eat,sleeping is a luxury even with pills,wake up in the early hours unable to get to sleep again so get up and it all comes crashing back again,you are on your own in this house you shared with the one you loved.

Oh Michael…that’s so so difficult…May I ask do you have any family or friend support or anything ? I understand that even if you do it can still feel incredibly lonely and alone.

We all want that magic wand, don’t we , where our loved ones are healthy and by our side.

Please do try to eat even just yogurt or something ( I know at the time when I couldn’t eat at all that when someone mentioned eating it made me feel worse but looking back I understand why ) I say even yoghurt because when I couldn’t eat I couldn’t even be botherd to chew I felt that low …sometimes still do so I pick at things such as jelly even ( no chewing involved) .

Does anything help at all ? I know that’s probably a silly question.

I’m thinking of you on what is another difficult day for you…my mum and those I’ve lost are buried so I don’t have the experience but I can only imagine how painful this is for you…please keep reaching out…min by min.

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