Feel like a betrayer

Hi it’s been a little over 4 months since dad passed, and I’m the only child that is trying to help my mum through her grief, but I’m starting to feel suffocated, having her with me 75% of the time, I barely have time alone for my husband anymore, she even wanted to come on our holiday, which I felt so guilt tripped I let her come for our second week, I feel as though I’m drowning in my own grief whilst trying to help her through hers and starting to resent her as she makes everything all about her and how I feel doesn’t matter, I’m lost

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Hi Stacey, you are in a difficult place and I can understand both you and your mum’s situation. Your mum has lost her soulmate, the love of her life, the person she depended on. Now her life has changed forever.
I’m the mum, losing their dad was very hard for our son and daughter and grandchildren and I’m very aware I’m not the only one grieving. But I’m also very independent and if I can do it myself.
I still work which was a great help for me especially as many of my work colleagues knew my husband well, so I had alot of support.
I do see our children alot and do rely on them somewhat as I don’t drive. They often phone or pop in for a cuppa to see how I am. I don’t know what I would have done without our daughter, she helped me with her dad by taking him to all his medical appointments and is there for me now.
We do holiday together too, but we did that anyway when my husband was here.
Your mum is obviously very lonely, does she work or have close friends. I found the key for me was keeping busy, I meet friends regularly for lunch ot coffee, I volunteer at my local church and at home I love reading, gardening any thing to keep my mind active.
If your mum is really struggling, suggest a visit to her GP, she made need extra support or even counseling which I’m am doing at the moment.
My daughter said to me once, she feels guilty that she goes home to her family and I’m alone, we both just hugged and had a good cry about it.
How does your husband feel about it, my son in law is one in a million and has the ability to make me laugh very often.
Don’t feel guilty for how you are feeling, you are grieving too, perhaps you need to sit down as a family and have a good honest talk.
Sending love
Debbie X


She is retired and has no friends apparently, she won’t go out of her way to make new ones either, don’t get me wrong I love my mum, but we’ve never been that close, she made me leave home at 16 as I was just starting with my now husband and she disapproved of him so I had to choose I moved away for long enough, then when I had my kids we moved nearer , but we have never had a mother daughter bond as such I always got on better with my dad,

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Oh Stacey, I am sorry you find yourself in this difficult position. As I said before perhaps you can persuade you mum she needs extra support from outside the family.
I really don’t know what else to suggest, apart from having an open family conversation.
Perhaps others on here have had similar situations and could offered different advice.
I hope you find a solution soon, sending love
Debbie X

I went though same.

you know what? now she is gone … so I am glad now I sacrificed for her. she died three years after my father.

it was hard though … but now I am so glad I was with her all of the time. I was not always very good … and now I regret that very much, too.

she will die … every time you get mad at her, think twice. and I would seek counseling.
it helped me tremendously. take care of yourself. :gift_heart:

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