Feel like a zombie

I am not very good at expressing myself so please bear with me:
I have recently reached the 6 month point without my husband - my soulmate (he was only 49) and I’m so far in a deep dark hole that I can’t see the light. I am struggling big time to cope. I don’t go out only to work, which I changed careers as couldn’t cope. I feel like people are expecting me to be ok now and I’m far from it. Like many of you I suffer from anxiety now and feel so alone and low, but really scared of going down the medication route as don’t want to get addicted or dependent on them.
I want to be strong especially for our girls, but I can’t find the strength. I was so strong and determined we’d beat it throughout his illness that I havent got no strength left.
I am trying to keep busy to try and stop my mind wandering but somedays that’s impossible. I’m questioning everything and just can’t get my head around that he’s gone. In one way I want to go back to his consultant to try and get some sort of understanding of it all but then I’m terrified that that’ll be too much for me.
I’ve started counselling but I don’t feel like it’s helping.
I hate it when people say time heals - to me the more time passes the worse it gets. Life is so cruel and unfair.


Dear @LittleC

Welcome to the Community. I am sorry for the loss or your husband and for what you are going through.

It is ok not to be ok. You are going through the early stages of grief and there is no time limit on this. Everyone is different and grief is a rollercoaster of emotions with good days and bad days. What you are going through is normal.

Going back to the Consultant may be of help to you and answer any unanswered questions that you may have. The Consultant will not mind. You can contact the Consultant’s Secretary and book an appointment to see the Consultant. Do this when you feel the time is right.

It would be worth considering contacting you GP for support and to see if there are any local bereavement support groups in your area. You do not have to go through this alone.

Sue Ryder has an information and helpful Grief Self-Help Service which you may find supportive to you. It would be worth having a look at.

You can also connect with members here who have experienced what you are going through. The support is amazing.

Life sadly is cruel but you need to take one day at a time, be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to grieve. We are all here to support you.

Please continue to reach out and take care, you are not alone.