I’ve been trying to figure out how to explain all this for the last 15 minutes. Typing, deleting, typing, deleting! It will be 3 years next month since I lost my husband/best friend. To say it’s been hell is a complete understatement. I’ve always struggled with my mental health most of my life but it’s been unbearable since he’s gone. I had grief counselling near the beginning and I truly believed that it help….at the time. I have tried so hard to try and function. To try moving forward with my life and there have been times that I felt there was definite progress but those moments never lasted long. The loneliness has just been crippling. I live on my own with health issues that affect my mobility. I’m closed off to pretty much everything and everyone. I do travel regularly to my parents (takes a few hours) just for the company. I don’t have any friends or family near by. I try talk about him but i just get nodding or silence from “most” of my family. I understand that it might make them uncomfortable and not know what to say really but that just makes me feel angry and that I’m tarnishing his memory by not being able to talk about him. I spend most of my days inside my house. Mostly in the bedroom. I don’t go out unless I absolutely have to and I’m worried that I’m going back to the way I was when it first happened. Staying in my bedroom day in day out. Finding it difficult to breathe, screaming into my pillow, so physically and mentally exhausted, not seeing a point in being here anymore. That’s how I’m starting to feel like again😢. Those fake smiles are happening more and more and on the inside I’m drowning. Absolutely drowning. Apologies for the long post.
Hi @MW1410
I’m so sorry that you lost your husband and it sounds like you’ve had a real struggle.
It sounds like you are really insightful as to how your mental health is at the moment and you can see that things are starting to slip to a place which is not good for you.
Don’t have any support from services or your GP ? If not, it might be an idea to reach out and get some support. Could you join a bereavement group nearby if there are any ? It sometimes helps to be with others who really understand what you have been through - like the people
In here do.
It’s best to make some simple changes as soon as you can- making yourself get a bit fresh air will help - are you sleeping and eating ok ? Do you have any hobbies that you used to enjoy ?
Please do t give up hope - grief is full of ups and downs and I also feel like I’m back to square one at times - sometimes I still
Can’t really believe how this all happened to me.
Keep sharing you thoughts and feelings here - and we would be happy to hear about you beloved husband so feel free to write about him if you want to.
Take care and try get some rest tonight.
Xx
Hi @roni52 . Thank you for your reply. I’m not seeing most of the changes but my sister is. I get angry then cry and then I’m angry about crying. It’s a viscous circle😔. Unfortunately there are no support groups in my area and I’m on those dreaded waiting lists for counselling. I’ve been on sleeping tablets since he passed away mostly due to panic attacks and flashbacks of when he died. Getting out and about isn’t easy due to my health. I’m terrified of how I’m going to be when the anniversary comes. The closer it gets the more I just don’t see a point in being here😢
Hi MW1410 . So sorry for the situation you’re in. Can’t imagine what it’s like not being able to get out or meet up with people.
Have you seen your GP? You might need some antidepressants (they have helped me) . Have you searched the internet for any local groups you could join to get some company. Any idea how long before you get counselling? Tell us about your situation if it helps to write it down
hello i am sorry you are really struggling my husband of 47 years died 12weeks ago and yes it is shite i am lucky as my sister has been a godsend to me and that helps so tell us about your husband everything you want to share and i hope that might help a little do you have a garden that you could sit in just for short periods of time so at least you would be outside a little silly question do you have any pets i have two small dogs who my husband loved to bits so taking care of them is a must i have a very painful back so bought myself a walker with wheels so that i know i can walk the dogs been a great idea from me so tell us about your husband as everybody would like to know
H @Woolly Thank you for your reply. I’m already on 2 different types of antidepressants and they do help, to a degree. The wait for the counselling is long so no idea where I am now. Also been on a list for cbt and that’s been a year now!
Hi @Grandkids9 , I’m sorry to hear about your husband. It’s very fresh for you 
. I am dependent on my mobility scooter but I hate going out on it on my own:cry:. I would absolutely love another dog but trying to get an older one has been a nightmare!
I would absolutely love to talk about him but I’m afraid it would be too long a post? I’m going to “try” and get some sleep and will perhaps put a post up about him tomorrow 
hope you sleep well and looking forward to hearing about your husband