Three weeks in hate it just want him to walk through the door everyone has someone I am the only one alone no one understands unless you have lost at a young age the love of your life. I have a metallic taste in my mouth so thirsty all of the time. I found getting out of bed around 6am shower dress take dog on walk then house work doing the garden how Simon would like feel useless even chopping bushes standing on a chair yes we have ladders but no one to help me found if i exhaust myself I sleep I know I can’t keep it up but it works at moment soon as i stop I am wailing
10 Likes
Hi @Maxandlala2,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
2 Likes
Sending you 
2 Likes
@Maxandlala2 I’m so sorry for your loss. You’ve been through a very traumatic time, especially seeing your partner suffer in pain.
It’s still early days for you - believe me, I was the same after my husband passed away aged 52.
I’m now three months into my grief journey/sh*tshow and all I can say is that the pain and longing never goes away - you just get better at hiding it from other people.
This forum helps if you need a place where people can relate to what you’re feeling.
Warmest of hugs,
P
2 Likes
Maxandlala, I am so sorry for your loss. What you described is familiar to all of us, especially in the first few weeks/months.
Of course you are exhausted trying to do what was once done by two. Grief is exhausting no matter whether you keep busy or not.
Pay the bills, make yourself eat and rest as much as you can. Everything else can wait. Meanwhile, you will be in a fog, confused, angry, sad anxious, depressed, unable to find words, make sentences or concentrate. You will maniacally clean, purge, sort, toss, as you try to get a handle on this new, miserable life.
It is all normal. I am 9 months in and I promise you, you will survive this. It will get better than it is now. The trauma and shock will wear off a bit and over time you will find yourself a new “you”. Just not yet.
I noticed a difference somewhere in month 4, another uplift at month 6. Prior to that I was a dusty mess of indecision, fear, panic, and confusion.
My suggestion is to adopt my Rule of Fives. Select a notebook for just this purpose. In it write all the names/numbers/etc., of those people and companies with which you will have to deal and the notes of things you may forget.
Write down a list of 5 things you must do each day. Do them and mark them off the list. It is a visual reminder that you are, in fact, functioning, albeit slowly.
Five things, that is all. It will be 35 things done each week. Somethings you can do for just 5 minutes at a time. Take is easy on yourself. Baby steps.
No one “gets it” unless they have walked on this journey. We do. We’ve been in your shoes at 3 weeks and have survived. You will too.
We learn to live with the loss. We have no choice.
Lots of love to you.
5 Likes
Good advice
2 Likes
PeachesDixon
Today my 4 children are coming first get together now Simon’s ashes are home he entertain everyone did the cooking was just chilled and funny he left me his 2 year old cockapoo I woke up with a bad back today but still had to take him on early walk pulling and aggressive with litle dogs got back and the first time I have broken down and just said I CAN’T DO THIS I really can’t I have to get through today but soo tired x
3 Likes
Maxandlala, you can do it and you will. You are 'doing it" already.
It is hard to adjust to having to do it all and it takes a while to organize your daily routines to include all the things your husband did. It will happen. Day by day, it just happens and you learn to pace yourself to do “it” all.
You can’t rush it, only with time will you adjust. Please do not despair over this as this is something that will happen quite naturally because it must.
You can stop that dog pulling immediately with a pinch collar. I had to resort to this too and they work wonders. Mine could literally pull me down the street until the pinch collar. Now I have complete control over him and our walks are much more pleasant than before the new collar. Some people think they are cruel, but they replicate the mother dog’s corrections to her pups which is a nip to the neck. Try it.
You are going to be okay, I promise. You will make it although it seems impossible at the moment, things will be better.
Honey, we never will be the same as before but we will be okay. We have all had to create a new life, a new “me”, as our old lives and the person we were are no longer here. It is a huge adjustment, but we adapt. No choice, really.
Cry until the tears stop, then wash your face and take another baby step.
Love, hugs and a tissue or 2.
3 Likes
Thankyou for your reply I just miss the touch the hug he was a fit man so felt safe in his arms and this may sound silly he was a young 58 and I fancied him still after 30 years beautiful kind gentle soul . This morning typical example Simon did everything for me last night I thought I would burn some old paper work in the incinerator thought it had gone out put a new bag in this morning ready for later while out walking the dog it started filling the garden full of smoke panic set in neighbours had washing out tipped water in of course it made more smoke it wasn’t until I flooded it I remembered Simon would take lid of put paper in to get flames big fail x
3 Likes
Maxandlala2, there will be many, many such events. Our brains just aren’t working properly and it takes time to get life in order. I call it “widow brain” as our head is filled with chaos and we forget things, make mistakes we wouldn’t normally make and misplace almost everything.
It gets better, I promise. At 40 weeks, life is much different than at even 39 weeks and no comparison to the first 4 months of hell on fire.
It’s okay to be not okay. Just keep moving.
Lots of love and hugs.
3 Likes