Feel so angry and guilty

My partner Tom of 28 years died on 24th November from Covid. He was 67, and the life and soul type of guy, who got on with and was loved everyone he met.

I am struggling with anger because he should have had a 3rd primary vaccine due to having blood cancer which he had for 5 years with no problems, was on watch and wait, but his numbers were good. He got the appt for his booster eventually for the 19th November, but caught Covid at the beginning of November and was in Intensive Care by the 12th. He was put straight onto a ventilator, so our last conversation was a quick video call right before they sedated him. I was able to be with him at the end along with his adult daughter, and his brother, but he was so heavily sedated I don’t know if he even knows I was there. I don’t know if the 3rd vaccine would have made any difference but it might have.

I also am feeling really guilty because I didn’t phone NHS for the first 4 days he had covid symptoms, as we thought it would pass, but now I can’t help wondering if he had got to hospital sooner if they could have saved him.

He had a big extended family who all included me and insisted I am still part of the family, but now he’s gone, after the funeral the calls and messages and visits have tailed off, and his daughter can barely cope with her own grief, so I find it hard to be around her (we were never that close). Luckily I have had fantastic support from friends, but some days I can barely move for crying. I went back to work last week just to get me out of the house, but it is hell coming home to an empty house.

I also lost my Dad on 20th Nov 2020, and my Mum 24th Sep 2021, but don’t think I have processed those losses properly, especially Mum as Tom was so soon after. Sorry for the long post but I just needed to get my thoughts out.


Hi lainy67 so sorry for your lose, my daughter passed away in October suddenly only 36 the pain you feel is heart breaking, Amy was my best friend and my daughter, we never had a big family so was always us and her 3 girls, no one keeps in touch with me not since the funeral, Its so lonely and isolated xx

Dear @lainy67

Welcome to the Community. I am so very sorry to hear about your partner Tom and your parents. There is no need to apologise, it is good to come on here and let it all out. We are all here to support you.

Please do not feel guilty (easier said than done I know) for not phoning the NHS. You were not to know that Tom’s symptoms would not go away after 4 days. It is always a hard call with Covid symptoms as to what to do for the best.

Have you considered talking to the hospital who looked after Tom or your GP about this for peace of mind?

How lovely to have a network of support around you and this is so important and more so after the funeral as that is when everything goes quiet and you are left alone with the emptiness of the house and your thoughts. Grief takes time and you are in the early stages of grief. Take one day and a time.

Please know you are not alone. There are organisations that can help you and Tom’s daughter who can offer support and help, either at this time or further down the line, please let us know either on here or by emailing online.community@sueryder.org.

Take care of yourself and keep reaching out.

Hi Lainy

sorry to hear of your loss and 2 so close together
you shouldnt feel guilty at not phoneing the nhs as i dont think they would have had any more to tell you that he was still sedated

thats the problem after the funeral every one goes and gets on with their lives and leaves you feeling lonely

it is the hardest part comeing into a empty home im lucky i have my dog with me where ever i go i lost my husband on the 18th of november we would have been married 54 years next month he had been ill for a long time with copd and other illnesses which took its toll with so many infectionsover the years that the infections took over his organs in the end at least like me you were with him at the end which would have maent a lot and i an sure he knew you were there with him

take care and look after yourself its the one thing he would have wanted


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Thank you, the ICU Doctor did say that going in sooner wouldn’t have made any difference, and that due to his underlying issues, as soon as he caught the virus he was in trouble.

Like everyone on here I just feel so lost without him, and today just hit hard as we had our own wee Sunday routine.

Sending hugs to everyone who is going through this hell.