Feel so guilty

Hello everyone
I feel I need to write and tell someone how I feel. I took my mum who had been battling cancer for 18 months for a routine appointment with her consultant. Her blood tests showed high potassium levels and we were told she had to be admitted immediately. I will never forget the look on her face when they told us. I left to fetch her an overnight bag as I truly thought she’d be in a couple of days then home again. Due to covid there was obviously no visiting . After 5 days I realised things weren’t going to plan as she was still in , but mum being mum ,she was always upbeat on the phone . She then stopped answering her mobile and after an horrendous weekend I managed to get to see her consultant on the Tuesday who informed me there was nothing more they could do , that she was now at end of life . I was allowed to see her that day but she was so poorly and unable to communicate with me at all. I spent as much time as I could with her over the next few days until she passed away .
I find it so so hard to think that I took her to a routine appointment and I didn’t bring her home . I cannot get the image of her out of my head when they told her she had to stay and the fact I left her there believing I’d pick her up in a couple of days . I feel so guilty that I didn’t take her back home to dad and I feel so robbed due to covid that I couldn’t see her until she was to ill to talk to me and we couldn’t say goodbye
Thank you for taking the time to read this xx

1 Like

I felt the same guilt . My husband was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer on the 17th of November and died on the 16th of December .

He was kept in hospital for 16nights and then allowed home. He became poorly and had to be re admitted . I was allowed to be with him for three days until he passed . He didn’t want to go back to hospital but he was so poorly I had no choice .

It’s just heartbreaking when you can’t see them and you feel so helpless :broken_heart:.


Hello KimG
Thank you for replying and sharing your story, it must have been dreadful for you . I’m told feeling guilty is part of the grieving process and I know we all do the best we can we the information we have at the time but covid has made dealing with everything unbearable at times.
Talking things through helps massively but not everyone understands do they …
Sending love and hugs to you :hugs: