I lost my husband 18 weeks ago today. I’ve managed to get through the horriendous times that faced me, but only by the skin of my teeth. Emotional support stopped exactly 1 week after he died so I was bobbing up and down in the ocean of grief since then.
Slowly after 3 months I began to go a bit longer with crying at the drop of a hat. I began to do things around the house that had stacked up. I lost 2.5 stone during that time. But I felt I was not getting used to him not being there but starting to accept my fate.
This past Sunday I ordered 10 house plants to bring some new life into my home. So that is something to look forward to.
Now, for the Guilt. I’m 71yrs old and my husband was 45yrs old. He died suddenly in his sleep and the coroner has not found what killed him. For months before he died when I would try to talk about the day I’m gone what I wanted him to do such as what jewlery goes to who and mainly I wanted him to move on with his life. He would always come back sternly saying if I die he would be following me quickly. This became a soar topic and we stopped talking about whatifs. A week and 2 days before he died I got my first covid jab. over the next week i had mentioned i was thinking about not getting the second one. He fought me on this and made me promise I would get the second. Then he died. Mar. 31 I went and got my second jab but only because I had promised him. I didn’t want it but I don’t break promises. So my guilt is I’m still here and if I had died he wouldn’t be. I feel i’ve let him down I’m rationalising it that I’ve done the right thng but the guilt hangs over my head.