Will try read it … im sad and angry all in one go today so gotta be careful today. Im going to bereavment counselling tomorrow … i only had one session so far … c if it helps x
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@Lonely your post has made me feel very sad though I am profoundly sad already. The thought of not having my husband or seeing him for the next 25/30 years is extremely hard and difficult. Just wish he was still here. I do wonder why we get chosen to lead this horrendous journey xx
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Yeh i was thinking that today too ! Why me ? Nobody would notIce if my husband was here or not - but i do ! It matters to me !!! I miss talking to him so much and i miss his arms around me and our cuddles ! Its just not bloody fair !!! X
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It isn’t fair at all…my pain has changed to a deep sadness and miss him so much. What is the propose of life now 
Xx
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I know … theres isnt one is there ! Its just crap ! I wonder about how god can do this to people i really do ! X
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Yeah that’s why I don’t think there is a god anymore. I begged him to save my husband when the paramedics were working on him but No he didn’t 
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Aw … yrh well you know loads of people prayed for my husband ! But didnt do any damn good ! You know my husband used to say when he got poorly - why is it always me ! And now i feel the same - why is it always me ! 2 of his brothers are the biggest sh**s going ! Why didnt they bloody go !! Sorry but that’s how i feel today ! X
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I know what you mean life is just so unfair and cruel. Hate this new life which I didn’t ask for.
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Yeh … exactly ! We didnt ask for it !so thank you very much god !!! Thanks for NOT saving our much loved husbands !!! X
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I too lost my husband suddenly Dec 2021.
He had just been feeling a little off colour thinking it might be from covid booster.
I woke in the early hours to finf him struggling to get up off the floor, when he suddenly went down, he was breathing and eyes open but not responding to me talking to him, 999 said they would be with us asap. 2 min later he’d stopped breathing, phoned them back they were here within 5 min. I couldnt fault them they tried for nearly an hour to get him back. After the post mortem we found out it was a blockage causing urine to go back into his kidneys that killed him. I keep asking myself if i had got him to the doctors would he still be here. That is something i will never know and the guilt i have to live with, on the other hand he hated going to the doctors but it still doesnt ease the pain and guilt.
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@Beachgirl we didn’t have a good experience with our ambulance service. I had to make a complaint as they took 4 mins to pick up the phone and put my husband who had collapsed on a 90 mins wait because he was talking. They phone back and my 22 year old son told them that my husband was not responding and not sure if he was breathing. Instead of doing the collapse tool instructions they left him and put the phone down. They should of instructed him to do CPR. There excuse was that my son sounded calm. Time I got home still no ambulance. I started CPR and rang them which took 3 minutes for them to answer, they arrived shortly after. I know CPR wouldn’t of brought my husband back but the trauma that my son and myself suffered will haunt us for the rest of our lives.
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Hi Hazel, i am so sorry you had such a bad experience, i hope in time that the pain of that will lessen. I know you both will never forget the trauma.
They were guiding my son to do CPR and to this day he has never spoken about it. It must be terrible having to do that and not be able to save them.
Hugs to you both
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No idea to be honest @Hazel.1966
Seems to get harder the more they have been gone for 
xxxxx
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Hi, do you really think you were chosen? Life is so random.
@swojto I guess we were not chosen but a saying that I use as feel so angry with this horrendous journey.
I agree, it’s awful. I doubt if it will ever get any better. Let’s just hope we don’t wake up one morning in the very near future.Problem solved.
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to that !! Xxx
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I feel horribly guilty too. 3 months back,my 48 yo husband died suddenly of a massive heart attack on one of his morning cycling routines. He was declared dead on arrival at the hospital. I feel guilty for not having done his lipid tests early on in the year, and having been more strict with his food and walks. Last year we did his lipid profile , which showed little hig cholesterol, but doctor did not suggest any meds, as his CT angio was fully clear. The CT angio made us feel that we were ok. He was a very active guy who worked out in the gym regularly too. He had no symptoms at all, and cycled for 20 miles on the day, before collapsing. On the day I did not get any chance to save him, but I feel… just managing his lifestyle better would have avoided this, and he would be still here with me and the kids.
@Beachgirl my 15 son had to do CPR for around 10 minutes on his dad before the ambulance arrived and he hasn’t mentioned it. I worry he might think that he didn’t do something right as his dad couldn’t be saved. I had to leave him alone as 999 sent me out in the middle of the night to get a defribrillator. It is such a sad traumatic event in our lives.
Indeed it is very very sad. It feels like the sky collapsed on our family. Take care of your son, and talk to him about it when he is ready.
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