I can’t stop thinking that I set in motion the events which led to my husband’s death. I persuaded him to phone the doctor’s surgery on a Tuesday morning eight weeks ago. He was scheduled in for a telephone consultation at the end of the week anyway to discuss his low mood and anxiety in the hope of being put back on to antidepressants.
I was concerned about his general health though and thought he maybe had a chest infection as he was very tired, had a cough and his appetite was down. Well, to cut a long story short, he was given a face to face appointment with a nurse practitioner who ruled out a chest infection but did give him a fairly high dosage prescription of a beta blocker for his anxiety. He was really never right after starting the medication but persevered hoping it would kick in. He suffered a cardiac arrest in front of me on the Thursday afternoon.
I wish with all my heart that I had kept my mouth shut about phoning the doctor’s on the Tuesday morning and that I’d had the sense to stop him taking any more of these pills when they clearly weren’t helping him. I’m sure that he would probably still be here. I have to live with this.
@Minky67 I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my husband suddenly at Christmas. I went to the work on the Saturday and Sunday I got a call from my son to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. He was 53 years old.
I did CPR as no paramedics there yet.
He died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism and kidney cancer which was in both kidneys. We didn’t know that he had cancer. I previously got my husband down the doctor’s but was too late. I felt guilty that I didn’t notice his weight loss and that he was so ill. We had just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. Me being his wife should of notice. After months of feeling guilty and attending councelling I am just accepting that the guilt is part of grieving and it was out of our control what happened to our lovely men.
I have been put onto the waiting list to see a taurma therapist as the shock and sudden death of my husband has caused me trauma and I have been having bad thoughts and flash backs. Please try not to feel guilty as you got your grief on top. Maybe the guilty feeling is also a distraction from the grief. You also were trying to help your husband and he still might of had a CA. My guilt came in waves also so I might get that feeling again but hopefully I will be able to manage it.
Take care and big hugs xx
@Minky67
My partner died suddenly of cardiac arrest due to heart disease. How it was explained to me by the corona, was that there was absolutely nothing that could be done for my partner, his death was instant with no apparent symptoms, although looking back he had a cough and was very tired, sleeping most evenings, although more than usual, it wasn’t unusual.
I don’t believe there was anything you could have done.
The shock and the loss can do awful things to us, our minds, as we search for the why they died and the what ifs it’s all the natural process of the grief. It’s trying to understand what’s happened and why.
Life is just cruel at times and we just have to navigate this new life. Small steps at a time.
@Minky67 I’m sorry for your loss. I think it’s a natural part of grief to question decisions we made and how things might have been different. I know I have. You have to remind yourself how much you loved and cared for your husband and you only wanted the best for him. I’m sure your husband knew that. We will never know if these were right or wrong but they were made with love. Sending hugs
Omg … did they do post mortum ? To c what caused his sudden heart attack ? Thats awful … my mum doesnt believe in drs … you could easily sue the drs for that surely ? X
Thank you for your kind words of support Hazel and I’m so sorry that you lost your husband as well. You did a wonderful thing for him in giving him CPR. I’m pleased that counselling has helped you and I hope that you receive trauma therapy too as you have been through a terrible shock.
I am definitely going to seek counselling as I am tormented by my thoughts and can’t get the image of my husband turning blue out of my mind.
You have given me some hope though. Big hugs to you. 
xx
Thank you for your message Ali and I’m sorry that you lost your husband too. His symptoms sound very similar to those of my husband and my husband may have been heading for complete heart failure also but the thing is that we’ll never know and I’ll never know whst would have happened if II hadn’t urged him to phone the surgery that morning. I’ll need to accept that eventually but I’m just torturing myself in the meantime.
As you say it has to be small steps at this stage.
Thank you again.
Thank you for your kind words of support Jan. I did act out of love for my husband and I know that I’ll never know for sure if his life would have ended anyway but in the meantime I am questioning so much. I hope that this will lessen a little in time.
Yep exactly - were not drs are we ? We havent got the knowledge or the equipment to see whats going on inside their bodies ! But we still geel guilty that we should’ve spotted something - i dunno why we do that ? Maybe as @Hazel.1966 said that it is all part of the grieving process … i have read that somewhere too xx
It is indeed worrying Shelia, maybe the worst thing was when GP Practices were allowed to manage their budgets…
@Minky67 thank you for your kind words also. I felt guilty for a long time nearly 6 months. Every one including medical staff and 2 friends who were nurses and my son told me that it wasn’t my fault. I was very repetitive and eventually my feelings of guilt has subsided.
I now feel a deep sadness and miss my husband terribly. Life is so unfair and cruel. Please remember it was not your fault and hopefully in time you will realise this. Like I said guilt is part of grief and with the sudden loss of your husband you must have so much trauma. Hopefully you have got a lot of support from family and friends.
Sending lots of love and hugs xx
Dear Lonely,
Thank you for your kind message. You’re right that there are so many ‘ifs’ and I just have to accept that I’ll never know anything for certain.
I also agree that the way the GP system now works isn’t really satisfactory as there is a lack of continuity now…it’s not so easy to request a doctor who is more familiar with your medical background.
None of this is going to bring my husband back unfortunately but it’s so hard to come to terms with it all.
Thank you again.
Hi Deb, no they didn’t do a post mortem. I think probably because my husband’s medical notes showed that his heart was in a bad way anyway, that this explained him having a cardiac arrest. If I took it any further it would probably be declared as inconclusive.
I’ll probably never know for certain but I’ll always have my very strong suspicions. x
Same with my husband but no cough , or particularly any more tired than usual .
I spoke to him @4am in bed . He got up & made our cuppas as usual @ 7.20 @ 9.40 I found him gone in the bathroom .
Turns out he had heart disease and had a cardiac arrest . We walked for mikes daily in Berlin. In the November.
I used to jump if he rubbed his belly so although at first I was ‘what I’d I missed something ‘ I know I couldn’t have. My daughter is a nurse and I often got her to check is BP, oxygen levels & even his blood flow in his legs with a Doppler as I was feared of him becoming Ill 
He had a really stressful 12 months with a company he had worked for for 30 years & ended up leaving, I googled stress & heart disease and I generally believe that contributed as it says it can cause stress on the heart .
It’s such a horrid terrible thing that everyone in here is in so much pain
Big hugs xxx
You absolutely did act out of love . Don’t feel guilty , no need at all . Sending big hugs xxxx
I completely agree and i wont take any medication from them either @ you cant trust the buggers anymore !! Its scary !!! Xx
I know … i thought after my husband passed i was gonna have a heart attack with stress of it ! I really believed a few times i was gonna go because the pain was so bad !! X
Oh Lonely, that is so beautiful. 
Thanks for sharing. xx
Thank you, PollyjaneW. xxx
Aw … @Lonely that sounds really sad … i no idea where.my life will go ? I feel a bit.like im in a tumbler dryer at the moment - spinning round @ but i cant.rely on family ! I knoe that ! Theyee bloody.heartless and useless x