Feel so horrible right now

I am 13 months in and feel low to tonight. I have just shouted at Stephen’s picture and told him that he was an idiot to die on me. Now I feel awful as he was the most kind and gentle person I’ve ever met

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We all get angry, i know i do it is the “if only’s”
if my David had taken statins he would still be here now, but he wouldn’t take them so his arteries blocked up ! .
I am getting less angry but today has been a bad day for me too. I think it is because winter is coming !. It is almost 6 months for me but seems like years.
I have chosen to live my life the best i can rather than mourn all the time but it is very had sometimes.
It is good to talk on here, i hope you feel a bit better tomorrow, a new week starting. XX sending a hug to you XX

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My sister sent me a poem that she’d writtten for me about S. It started by saying how unsure I was when he asked me out, as I really didn’t want to go out with him. I feel mean now. He was so lovely to me and I cannot believe that I had any doubts about him.

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It’s okay to be angry. It is okay to be mad at your husband for not taking the meds.

I am mad that my husband kept smoking cigarettes and getting no exercise despite his serious heart issues which significantly impacted our lives for the last 12 years and ultimately caused his death.

It is okay that your first impression of your husband was “meh”. So was mine. Maybe less than “meh” as in “not at all interested”. We married 4 months after our first date and were together 24/7/365 for 25 years.

My husband was made for me and I for him. No other man could possibly put up with me or other woman, him.

I am sorry you are widows. It is awful, isn’t it?

Much love.

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