Anyone else sitting in the dark thinking what a meaningless life this is. I’m in bed to save putting heating on cold and alone. I feel I’m in a black hole and there’s only one way out . How I feel at moment that seems like a good option to me be a lot better then this existence . Just sent a email to senior executive of the hospital that killed my hubby last August don’t expect it will even be read. Friends and family think I’m ok but I’m not far from it I’m falling apart. Please stop this wheel of life I need to get off and go to Jim.
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Dear misprint I’m doing just the same in bed but do have bedside lamp on and reading all the comments does help me, you are not alone in this big hug 
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Thanks Caroline nice to know someone’s listening big hug to you too xx
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Dear Misprint
We have both been in touch before, and I want you to know how sad it was to read your message. I’m so sorry you are feeling so helpless and hopeless; there is nothing I can say to help ease that pain.
But, having seen some of your posts to others I can tell you are a kind and thoughtful person. And yet, you are tucked up in bed, feeling wretched and cold, and not asking for help from people who love you. That is so sad. You know people aren’t mind readers, they probably think you are getting on with things because that’s the face you show them. Often kind and thoughtful people are the last to ask for help, but now is the time.
You are facing the most traumatic loss of the one person who made your life complete. I understand you are struggling, I’ve been there too, and if you’ve reached a point where you struggle to go on, please contact the Sue Ryder bereavement counselling line on here, or talk to the Samaritans. Sometimes just hearing another voice helps so much.
Sending love,
Miche24
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Thank you I’m been in touch with samaritans . And bereavement counselling say there’s a waiting list. I try to put a brave face on cause I don’t want friends to get fed up with me crying all the time people only have so much sympathy before they get fed up . It’s a great comfort to have this site to put into words how we feel .I’m seeing a mental health nurse on Thursday hope it helps
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Hi Misprint
I’m sorry you are feeling so low, I am also in bed with a hot water bottle (we don’t have central heating so it’s always cold!). I find my bed an odd place, I want to get in, but it reminds me how lonely I am and my husbands ashes are in bookcase facing me.
I understand what you mean about people running out of sympathy. But some just need a nudge to know that you are not doing as well as you seem to be, I think we are all guilty of showing people the face that makes them more comfortable. I just finished my last session with the councillor at Sue Ryder and found it very helpful, to get out my darkest thoughts and future fears.
But we are here for you, we know what you are going through and our sympathy is never ending and our support is always here. Sending hugs Natasha x
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Hi misprint, I too am sorry for how you are feeling and totally understaNond. I’ve just had an horrific weekend, cried Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I just felt so low I just couldn’t stop. It only started by me going up to the local tip to get rid of some general rubbish I was at the lowest and darkest place i’ve been so far. It will be 6 weeks on Friday since I lost my best friend and soulmate. I just miss him so much. I understand what you say about people only having so much sympathy and empathy, I feel the same like imy burdening them. I too have plucked up the courage to see a counseller. It’s ironic really because I finally pluck up the courage and then are put on a waiting list. Hang on in there. I too are in bed with my cushion with my husband’s face on and his dressing gown tucked around me. Sending love 
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Hello, this is my first post on here, you are certainly not alone I lost my partner Sarah of 24 years on the 7th August last year due to a massive heart attack, she was only 43, I am also at such a loss, the only reason I get up is for our 3 daughters, but I put a brave face on every day for them but deep down it feels like everything is crumbling around me and I feel like the world is just carrying on as normal around me and I am in some sort of Groundhog Day xx
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Hi Misprint
Last time you wrote it seems that you were having to wait to speak to someone who could help you with your pain. There is a number you can text to Shout which helps people in need. The text number is 85258 and they are there to help. I know there is a waiting list on the Counseling Bereavement line but have been advised its best to register with them now, even if they have a 1-2 week waiting list.
You are thought of and cared about here, please take care of you.
Miche24
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Thks Miche I went to see a mental health nurse today and she’s getting me counselling so fingers crossed it won’t be long xx
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Dear Misprint
Thank you for letting me know, I will keep my fingers crossed for you and please let me know how you get on. x
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Dear Misprint
I can totally empathise with your feelings. I lost my beloved Ken in November and I have been struggling as well. But you do need to reach out and talk to someone as it does release all the hurt, anger, regret etc. I also don’t want to bother my friends about how I am feeling and they do understand that.
I am stuck in my flat all hours of the day as I now work from home so getting out and having a walk is very important.
You are definitely not alone in this and talking will help
xx
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Hi misprint I know exactly how you feel. I’m fed up with this existence. My wife of 44 yrs passed away in September last year she was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia in march last year it was horrible watching her deteriorate over those few months. It’s a struggle getting out of bed in the morning and so lonely sitting in the house every night on my own. I suppose eventually we will get out of this dark place we are in. The only thing that keeps me going is my dog Flynn. I would recommend you get yourself one take care
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Aren’t they lovely? x
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Hi Misprint,
It feels like something unknown to human existence doesn’t it this pain we are going through. Like we are walking through a tunnel alone. My loss was my mum who I cared for over the past 10 years. Just before Christmas my husband told me he is not happy and wants to split. So it’s a double whammy.
I dont have any answers and I really wish I did. I too feel mum was finished off but I also feel this is a massive journey we are now on. Taking each day as it comes it maybe each hour. I wish there was some sort of bereavement face to face support for all to speak with each other as I feel my family are already moving on and maybe because they have their own families and homes.
I hope it helps to know you are not alone I am a real person sharing my raw grief with you in yours. Take care x
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