My mum has had to go into care so I’m left with her dog having three of my own already but I just couldn’t re- home him he’s 15 , but I have two bitches who are on heat so I’m having to split them up . Today the door decides to break so I go down to the hardware shop get the Handel and the middle piece and comes back and attempts to change the Handel ,only to find it’s not gone as smooth as I would have hoped . If Rob was here he would have done it within seconds but me Iv been at it all day and now given up so I will have to sleep on the sofa to keep an eye on the dogs as I don’t want any puppies in weeks to come . Anytime anything like this happens i feel so bloody useless something as simple as a door Handel tho had me I tears
1 Like
Hi Kazzer. I can’t sleep without tablets. I can’t seem to stop feeling anxious and it all has got on top of me today. I’m in floods of tears right now not knowing what to do. Half the time I am terrified to go out. I guess I feel sorry for myself. I don’t know how I would cope without this site. We can cry together xx
3 Likes
Nel i. The early days of Robs passing I was on a very dark road and had to have professional input . Fortunately Iv got through that but it’s just any DIY stuff I really feel useless not that rob enjoyed it and did it all the time he didn’t but he did have a go at things and got the job done . I hate my life without him in it. We were together 34 years and married 33 years so I’m not going to get over it easily if I ever do .
I found a huge amount of comfort in this site and was on it all the time it really helped me through the hard times .
1 Like
Well all I have managed to repair the door and it’s now as good as new
5 Likes
Well done x
1 Like
Yes, it’s the “man jobs” that tend to send you into a panic isn’t it?
Our daughter needed something fixing yesterday & we both said - where’s dad when you need him?
He would have fixed it in a flash.
I’m usually a reasonably positive person but recently I’ve started to self doubt myself - which I hope is temporary.
Take care
G. X
Nel thank you Iv been two days filing it and putting new handles and mechanism in the door so I’m quite proud of myself and to use Robs tools as well he was probably saying “ just look at her she’s doing it all wrong” but the damn door opens and closes so it’s good enough for me . Take care xx
Hey we are all the same with those jobs we just didn’t do when our husbands were around. I’ve been looking at an area in the garden which needs returfing but was gonna leave it till next year. Instead I decided to flatten it and thrown some seeds down. The prep nearly killed me and I’ve watered it daily and hey presto grass is growing. John would be so proud 🥲 just now need to deal with the car which needs an oil change. Thankfully I know someone who can help me. See we get there in the end don’t we ?
Much love and strength to us all.
Georgina 
2 Likes
I’m new to this site. My Dave died unexpectedly 7 weeks ago. We were together for 54 years. I didn’t understand it then, I don’t now. Yesterday I spilt printer ink on the carpet! Tried to clean it! I brought in the garden bin, hosed it out, couldn’t turn it upside down, too heavy. The back door lock doesn’t work! I hav to make sure utility room door is locked. I keep myself locked in the house for safety! I feel like a prisoner. If I get a spider in the house, I am finished, they terrify me. People say be grateful for having so long together ! I just want him here, now. The loss is just enormous. How do others cope
1 Like
Hi sandietay,
I am so sorry that your Dave died. You were together such a long time it’s no wonder you can’t take in what has happened. I really feel for you. When one thing goes wrong, everything seems to go wrong and the one person we need is not there to put things right. It’s so hard, I know, my husband died seven months ago and I’ve had to contend with several things and some I’ve had to deal with myself and some I’ve luckily had help with. Your loss is enormous and people saying be grateful for having so long together doesn’t help. Well it doesn’t for me. We were together fifty years. I miss him everyday so much. I’m like you, I can’t really understand what happened. I’ve just looked up the meaning of coping and it says ‘to deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties’. I suppose that’s all we can do but we will never stop loving and missing our husband’s. Take care.X
2 Likes
thank you. My image is of him being poorly at home, we had no idea he was SO ill, waiting for a consultants appointment, ringing 111 when he was really not too good; him being admitted to hospital; he was told on his own that he had cancer! we thought he would get treatment, instead he worsened and we were called to the hospital in the early hours of the morning. It was SO fast, I know better for him, but I just cannot understand why! We were with him when he died, which meant he was not alone, but the image of him dying will not leave me. I dread each morning when his loss overwhelms me, the day time when he is not here, night-time alone. I have never lived alone; being grateful for the time we had together does NOT comfort me, it just makes the loss so much harder to bear. I hear birds singing, and think my Dave won’t hear them again, he won’t feel the sun on his face, won’t hold our new baby great granddaughter and it breaks my heart. I just want my Dave and knowing that will not happen also breaks me. How do you copy day by day? I look ahead, people tell me I should not, but I do and all I see is my life without him. Our adult children and grand children are grieving too, but they have their lives to lead. They try to look after me, but it is all the lone hours that are so bad. We talked about one of us dying first, but that was supposed to be far in the future, not now. The pain is slowly killing me.
2 Likes
I read your reply earlier today but have only just been able to respond. I just cried so much I had to take a step back. It resonated so much with me it could have been me writing so much of the same things. I really feel your pain. I find the lonliness so debilitating and soul-destroying. I think about my husband constantly and I suppose people will say that it’s not healthy to do that. I think I am going to take a step back from posting on this site and try and heal, if that’s possible. I know I will never get over losing my lovely husband. He was the love of my life and always will be. You take care.X
3 Likes
Hi Sandie
How do we cope ? Phew what a question. We just have to don’t we. There have been many occasions I could have sat down and given up but I just hear John’s voice telling me to keep going which I do. Cut the grass for the last time today and it nearly killed me (the garden was his thing) and for that reason I keep it tidy. It’s such a struggle especially when stuff goes wrong. It’s been 18 months for me but it seems like yesterday when he died. I still sometimes get two mugs out to make our tea and still think he’s coming home
lunchtime from his work. His ashes are with me despite pressure from sons telling me they cannot stay on my beside table forever - why not ? They’ll stay with me until I decide otherwise.
Warm wishes
Georgina
1 Like
I cannot shake the image of my Dave dying while we sat with him - my daughter tells me I have to but the memories are so vivid and painful. How could this be? Never in a million years did I expect to lose him like this - in time and of old age yes, but an aggressive cancer that we did not know he had until it was too late. He used to say that at 77 he had not been in hospital, then wham at 77 he is gone! The pain seems unendurable, The disbelief intensifies. The reality overwhelms. I know he would hate to see me like this, but I cannot understand how or why it happened to such a gentle, caring, loving man. The fact that I won’t see him again is breaking me apart. Everything we did, we did together, now when I do them , he is not there. I exist because I have no other choice, I don’t really cope, I just endure.
2 Likes
Bless you. I do find writing these things so painful. I thought it would help. Dave was the love of my life, my reason for being. The reality that my Dave is dead fills me with terrible pain. I endure each day, that is all I can do. My heart broke when he died, it is still in pieces. How do you manage day by day? I cry so much, I am exhausted before the day begins. There is a terror that will not go away. I feel your pain too; I know that I cannot take it away, I wish I could. All I want is to be with Dave, and it is the fact that it is not possible that destroys me. You take care too x
1 Like
The term “endure” is absolutely perfect to describe this immense suffering. I feel the same, I’m not coping at all, it really is just enduring this torture and hopefully it will become more tolerable to live with and our natural human survival instinct will get us through this, we owe it our soulmates to carry on living for them, as if they were still here.
2 Likes
I know how you feel about grass cutting. We’ve had the wettest Summer in history (unusual here, in the south of Italy), so you can imagine how much grass has grown, weeds, thorn bushes, the lot. Can’t do it all myself though, have to wait for Spring when I’ll have to get my local handyman to run through it all with his tractor, like my darling husband used to do at least twice a year. Tears in my eyes again, better stop.
Sending hugs to everyone and wishing you all a peaceful Saturday.
2 Likes
Oh bless you for your kind thoughts. Dealing with my garden keeps me busy it just another job that John would have took care of which is now added to my list of stuff to do. I have had all the grandchildren visit today which has been hectic but nice. John loved it when they were all here and we’d tidy up together with they left. I’ve even had to be a goal keeper today for my grandson - who would have thought it eh ?
Warm regards
Georgina
1 Like
Hi @Loobyloo2 you say you might step back from this forum I spend two hours or more young through nearly every comment. But perhaps your right and it may do me more good not to keep dwelling on other peoples grief which is the same as mine not sure what to do as this has been a life line.
Jessica
1 Like
Hi all,
When I originally joined I didn’t really know what to expect.
Shortly after I felt this wasn’t helping me deal with my grief & I was actually “soaking” up others sadness. The site became addictive and doing more harm than good - for me the posts weren’t proactive - I backed off , but others may say different. So I understand Loobylou’s thinking,
Learning to live my new life has been tough & miserable at times but I’ve also tried not to dwell on what I can’t change and be more positive with my thoughts.
I appreciate I may be in a better place regarding acceptance and am able to curb how often I come onto the forum.
As I’ve said , only my opinion.
Take care.
G. X
2 Likes