My husband died three months ago, I feel really strange, I have no sense of him ever having been here. I cry all the time and find it an effort to do anything, I can’t concentrate and sleep a lot. I’d cared for him for the last two years and when I think of him I only picture him ill , the previous 48 years seem to have vanished. I feel guilty that I wasn’t kinder to him and that I wasn’t with him when he died unexpectedly in hospital.
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Hi @Nell17 I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. What you describe sounds completely normal to me and you will find in this site that there are many who have similar and different experiences of grief. None of them are right or wrong - all just individual - and I’m not sure how much you can influence how you react at this time given the shock and pain you will be feeling.
Please don’t feel guilty - you did the best you could for him and I am sure he knew that and how much you loved him.
Look after yourself at the moment - make sure you’re eating and drinking plenty and just try doing simple tasks each day.
I’m told it will get easier with time and some work but I’m only 4 months in so not there yet.
Sending some hugs x
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My husband died 2 years ago tomorrow…21st July. My grief is still immense and I’m also even after 2 years still totally bereft. I too feel guilty as I used to get very irate and angry when he was ill (dementia) and just couldn’t cope emotionally watching him so confused so I ask myself. “Why did I not just accept that he couldn’t help being so confused and strange” It is a hard journey for all who are left behind and there are no answers at all… just trying to cope each day and suffer the loneliness without them is so hard . sending you my good wishes and you are not alone on here.
Oh @Nell17 i know what you mean about having no sense of him having been here. I too looked after my husband for 9 months before he died and think I might be blocking the memories of him from that time when he was sick and in constant pain. I thought I would dream about him and it really upsets me that I don’t. I’m so sorry that you feel sad about not being there at the end but you mustn’t feel guilty. You cared for him for 2 years and you must be emotionally drained and exhausted so be kind to yourself. Sending a hug xx