Feel worse now

It’s just over 7 months since i lost my Mum and I’m struggling to cope. Mum was seemingly well the day before she died. She went to the hairdresser and put curtains up. The next morning she was gone. I got to the hospital 5 minutes before she died. Watching her die haunts me and i keep getting flashbacks. I didn’t get chance to say goodbye. My family and friends don’t understand, they can’t.
I’m carrying on with life and have a wonderful husband and 2 boys. My dad is broken also. I’m also worried about my 91 yr old nan. Im just so terribly sad. I still can’t accept she’s gone. I feel such guilt. It’s a lovely sunny day today and all i feel like doing is sitting on the couch. I feel like I’ve gone with mum. Thanks for reading, just want someone to understand x

We do understand. It’s really horrible. It’s nearly 7 months for me also. I’m having a bad week. I went back to bed this morning after everyone left for work and school. Now I’m sitting here stuffing my face in silence. No tv on no radio. I feel unbearably sad. Mums last days haunt me too

My mum was fine until she died as well. On the 13th june she suffered a brain hemorrhage whilst at the hospital for a routine operation. She died the following day…until then life was completely normal enjoying pub lunches,gardening and shopping. We went to Hampton court palace and a concert at the 02 a couple of weeks before she died.
This is what’s so hard about sudden death. Here one minute, gone the next.
I used to fret about not saying goodbye to her but I dont anymore.
I couldn’t have said goodbye. It was best that I said see you tomorrow mum and I will have a large glass of wine in the fridge waiting.
Cheryl x

1 Like

Hi Jooles I’m so sorry you are having a bad week. Are you looking after yourself/treating yourself? My mum always said take care to me, and i know i must do that. There is just so much bad stuff going on in the world too which doesn’t help. I try to see the positives in my life but it’s so hard. I miss her with all my heart x

I’m so sorry about your Mum Cheryl. Do you still feel like it’s not real? I really believe my mum will still walk through the door :broken_heart: x

Hello, MylovelyMum , Cheryl, and Jooles,
I feel so sorry that all of you had such heartbreaking experiences, my mum died in an Elderly Mentally Ill Nursing Home, she had to have 3 operations on her hip and both of her arms. It affected her mind, it cracked me up when I realised that she was mentally ill. She died in October, 1997, she always said that was the month in which she would die. Three weeks after, I had a phone call from one of the carers at the home, she hadn’t been to work for 3 weeks. She told me that as my mum passed, she put out her arms and said wait for me Jim I am coming, obviously my dad (Jim) had come for her, he died in May 1989 and she never got over it. She used to spend her evenings reading my dad’s letters which he had written whilst he was serving overseas in WW2, My mum and dad were characters, each in their different ways, whilst she was in the nursing home, the nurses on night duty heard a racket from above. When they went to investigate, my mum had arranged a party, a shindig, as she called it. She had woken a lot of other residents and invited them to this shindig in her room she was dancing.
This was the mum who used to recite poetry and Shakespeare, she had a brilliant brain.


Absolutely. My partner and I bought our bungalow in august 2018 especially for mum to live with us. It had a living room, bedroom and bathroom just for her on the ground floor. She splashed out on new sofas, tv and wardrobes and we were so excited. We were great company for each other, split the bills 3 ways and there was always someone at home
Mum died less than 10 months after moving in. I feel hope that she will be at home every time I open the front door. Her rooms just sit there unused.
It’s just a terrible nightmare that unfortunately becomes more real with every day that passes x

Thats s lovely story mary. We have all been through such upset and trauma. It’s a wonder we are all getting through each day x

1 Like

Thank you, Cheryl,
I am so sorry that your mum did not live long enough to enjoy her new surroundings. :frowning:
Mary x

Thanks mary x

1 Like

Thanks you for sharing your story MaryL.

1 Like

Same here. My mum passed last July. I’ve struggled generally since then. I’m just so lethargic, anxious and so.sad. I put on a happy face but inside my heart is breaking. So I totally understand what you are saying xxxx

I’m 5 months into the sudden loss of my Mum. I’ve already cried several times this morning. It certainly is not easy. I do believe it will get better eventually.
Take care

Thank you it’s awful isn’t it xxx

Thank you and so sorry for your loss. take care too x
Is anyone trying to support their Dad? Mine says he wants to give up. He’s just got me.

I’m ok at work because i have to be i suppose. But as soon as i start driving home it gets bad again and i get worse as the evening goes on. I go so quiet, even struggle to talk to kids. I’ve become a different person xx

I’m supporting dad. He’s so heartbroken and alone. I’m trying to get him to move nearer to me. The first 4 months after mum died. I barely interacted with my children or husband. I’m getting better on that side of things. A bit more like mum now. I laugh with them and talk with them.

Yes supporting my mom all the time, and my sister and I support each other. My mom does not have any remaining siblings, but she has a lot of first cousins who have truly been amazing.
All of us have contemplated joining them on the other side, and realizing thats not an answer. The other challenge to that is thinking you will be forced to join them because grief is so painful and exhausting that you think surely your body isnt going to make it. My mom and I both thought we were going to die from grief - she still thinks its possible.
All that said, it does improve. 8 months out and I feel better than I did a few months back. Hopefully that is encouraging for some people who might read this. It does improve. But grief is REAL. Its exhausting, it hurts, your adrenalin is round the clock, it feels like you are cliff jumping over and over again. And then something happens, I dont know what, and the adrenalin stops flowing like that, and you can see the world again in bits and pieces it can look almost normal.


Some days im ok, but some days (like today) noone understands. Hubby has been great but even he thinks i should be ok by now. Then i get angry with him for not seeing what i am going through. I’m so jealous that he still has his mum!

Grief is terrible. Not having my Mum by my side is heartbreaking. She was the only person who understood me. I wish i had made so much more time for her. I don’t feel whole anymore. Some days i just feel I’m existing. I miss her with everything i have. She was just the best mum in the world