Feeling abject loneliness and missing my girl chronically

Still can’t come to terms with the loss of my darling daughter.went to visit her grave a week ago .finding harder to accept every time I go.the stark truth of it all really kicks in.its not fair and unjust.feel it should be me thats underground feel very bitter about life.Annette.

Dear Annette12, I’m so sorry to hear you’re finding things so tough. It’s a particularly difficult time of year, with what seems like everyone else getting on with life and enjoying themselves, but you’re not alone in these feelings of loss and loneliness.

If you feel like you’d like to talk to someone about how you’re feeling, Priscilla put up this useful post with some contact numbers and also some links to some articles about grief around Christmas time https://support.sueryder.org/community/general-chat/where-get-support-over-christmas-0

I hope you continue to find some comfort in our community.
Take care

I don’t think we ever get over losing one of our son’s or daughter’s it’s not natural, you think they are going to be here forever watching us grow old and when it’s not the heartbreak is so unbearable and unreal you can never see it ending…the only comfort I can give you is your not alone in this torment.

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Sending you compassionate thoughts Annette. I can’t know the pain you feel as a Mum but I so agree with your sentiments as I too feel the same and yes, it’s dreadfully painful isn’t it - Take care.

Thanks Tina marina and Nancy for your considerate replys.I know I am not alone with my grief.as we are all going through this mental torture.when people say happy new year.and it will be a better one.they can never understand that my life be it this new year or whatever years I have left will never improve for me.the last couple of days over Xmas have been horrendous for me.felt like smashing the twinkling Xmas tree to bits.I wish all of us on here some kind of inner strength for the coming new year.hugs to all .Annette.xxx

Dear Annette. I understand your pain and say it is unfair, as i lost my daughter in 2016 and i feel the same, the only thing that helps me is thinking about the happy times we had together and how she laught when we had her last birthday.Try and keep thinking about how looky you were to have your daughter in your life. Thinking of you .

Hi Annette, yes it is mental torture,only those that have suffered the loss of a child understands the depth of the pain. Feel like I’m losing my mind, 1st Christmas without my daughter and it was just horrible, I don’t know why but it made everything so real and final, just can’t be bothered, life has no meaning anymore, so angry that this has happened to my family, filled with dread, fear, don’t want to be here anymore.

Dearaunya thanks so much for your compassionate reply Herr I am today in connection with the rain tears corresponding in unison with the rain.I am drinking alcohol which I ought not to do.new years eve bar humbug.I am beside myself with grief I feel terribly guilty because it should be me underground. I want t anno die and be with my baby child can’t understand any of it .all my hugs to you Annette.xxx

O Annette, I so get what your saying, it certainly isn’t the right order, not the way the circle of life should work at all, I also am consumed with grief, why should I be here and my precious Daughter isn’t, so so unfair, I am in a state of total despair and acute grief, nothing in this life ever prepares you for losing a child, absolutely nothing!!! Take care Annette and I pray we can all find an inner strength and peace to help us in this torturous and soul destroying hell that we find ourselves in. Big hugs xx Aunya

I doubt I have an inner strength, I feel mine left with my son it feels like he took my heart with him as well…I miss him so much…but I have a wonderful husband and elder son so I must keep trying for them.

Thanks for reply aunya.so sad.can you tell a little about your precious girl.what was her name.my girls called sharryn .proper Irish.we lost her in October 2016.me and my girls child live together .Gabriella as lost her darling mum and mainstay.I cannot being her nan take the place of my darling girl.so there is some difficulties at times .both my daughter and my granddaughter have birthdays this month Gabriella will be hitting twenty.my girl would have been forty eight this month.but the bastard known as cancer got her in the end.sometimes I feel my head will explode with the pain.I am on meds but they do nothing really for me.just made me put on loads of weight.all my sincerest thoughts to you.grasping at straws aren’t we big hugs ,Annette.xxx

Hi Annette, my daughters name was Aundrea, 43 years old, she was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in July 2016 and passed away August 2017, she lived with her Dad and I during her 13 month illness, she has 2 sons 15yrs and the youngest turned 12 today, is is also Aundrea’s birthday this month as well. I am so full of anger at the moment and total zero tolerance with anyone, my head is all over the place, when I wake up I just want to take another sleeping tablet to go back to sleep, just finding life so very difficult and unable to cope, I too am on meds’ but they are doing absolutely nothing, I don’t suppose anything will… take care Annette, big hugs xx

Hi Annette, I know the pain is relentless and unforgiving. So difficult at all times never mind this time of year. I continue to put on a mask each day, hiding my pain from others most of the time. I hope our loved ones have been with us in spirit as they are in our hearts.
I have been reading Always with You by Gloria Hunnyford. She descibes lots of things so well and shares letters she received from bereaved parents.
Love to all who are suffering