Hello everyone,
I’ve been part of this community for just over a week now, and I just wanted to say how grateful I am for it already. Reading your posts and having conversations with a few of you has made me feel much less alone, so thank you.
I hope it’s ok if I share something that’s been on my mind.
Some of you may know from my previous posts that I lost my mom at the end of October last year. Eight and a half years before that, I lost my dad. I’m an only child, so losing both of my parents has left a huge void in my life.
I have a couple of wonderful friends, and some cousins. We keep in touch on a family WhatsApp group and occasionally meet up for lunch, which I really treasure. Like all of us, though, everyone has their own lives and responsibilities, and I completely understand that.
In December 2024, I was on a pen pal site and met someone. I genuinely wasn’t looking for a relationship—I had been single for many years—but over time our friendship grew into something more. A year ago this month we finally met in person.
I have to give him credit for something I’ll never forget. The day after my mom died, he got on a plane and flew eight hours to be with me. That meant so much, and I’ll always be grateful for that kindness.
What has been difficult, though, is that as time has gone on, I’ve realised I’ve felt incredibly alone in my grief, despite being in a relationship. I often want to talk about my mom, to share memories or simply say that I’m missing her, but I don’t feel there’s much space for those conversations. He never asks about her or encourages me to talk, and I sometimes sense that he’s not really engaged when I do.
To be clear, I’m not writing this to criticise or blame him. He never knew my mom beyond a couple of phone calls and WhatsApp messages, so I appreciate that it may be difficult for him to know what to say or do. I truly believe most people do the best they can with what they know.
Over the past few weeks, though, things have become increasingly difficult between us. I’ve felt more alone than supported, and if I’m honest, a couple of close friends have gently said they feel he could have been there for me more. It’s such a complicated thing because grief is hard not only for the person experiencing it, but also for those trying to support them.
Sadly, we’ve now reached the point where I think the relationship has come to an end. At the moment there’s complete radio silence from him, and that’s been incredibly painful.
I think what I’m struggling with most is the loneliness. Losing both of my parents has been devastating, and now it feels as though I’ve lost someone else who had become an important part of my life. Some days it just feels like an awful lot to carry.
I suppose I’m sharing this because I wondered if anyone else has experienced feeling lonely in their grief, even when they were in a relationship. Did anyone else find that their partner just couldn’t meet them where they needed to be emotionally? I’d really value hearing your experiences, as reading everyone’s stories here has already helped me feel so much less isolated.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
