My partner of 27 years passed away end of April very suddenly, we were close,
And now , l feel very alone, we traveled together, often showed together and worked together too, so I miss her very much. Now I am trying to come to terms that she has gone, but l have no one to love, or ask what thay fancy eating. And trying to come to terms of shopping for one and eating alone is not enjoyable. Yes I have friends but its not the same, and being in late 60 age group, not everyone likes the same things and it gets more difficult, does this change in time ?, can you get used to being alone ?
Hi Will I think things get easier with time just because the first two or three months were so intense that it’s not sustainable. I spent every hour with my wife so becoming a person with next to know contact with others has been a shock. I know I should try and do things to talk to people but it is difficult enough to make friends when everything is fine. It’s been six months since my wife died maybe in another six months things will be easier but I imagine I will have to put a lot of effort into adapting
Sorry for your loss, I barely remember the first two months after my George passed away. It’s been nine months now. They were full of confusion, disbelief and brain fog. I felt a little better around about months five and six. Grief comes in waves and it’s always waiting for you somewhere.
I’ve had support from my sister and keep in touch with a couple of friends but in reality you just want your loved one back. I make the effort but I don’t enjoy going out, it’s hard to smile when you’re crumbling inside. You’re still very early in your grief journey and it’s a very individual thing how we cope with loss. I hope you find some peace as the months pass. Take care.
Hi Will. I lost my partner Theresa at the start of March. Like yourself we were together a lot the only times we were apart was when I went out on a Thursday night for a few hours and the same on a Sunday we had been a couple for 35 years, it has been really hard for me getting used to being in the house on my own.as you say the eating alone is not nice, I actually feel a guilt at times, shopping is horrible as I often look up and down the aisles as if she is going to come walking down one,
I am 71 and have loads of friends but they all have their own lives. In my local bar I have loads of friends who have all lost their wives or partners, only a few weeks ago on a Sunday their were 8 of them in, they seem to be coping a lot better than I am ,but a lot of them are a few years through this horrible journey. The point I take from it is that maybe time will help us cope a bit better. Hope so Take Care
Yes, you can, but it may take years. Friends are one thing, but someone to love is another. Not having that someone, leaves a gaping hole. Perhaps you will find someone when the time comes, you are still relatively young. Until then, or if not, love yourself, and maybe find a volunteer opportunity that helps others.
Hi @Will2263
It is certainly hard getting used to being on your own . So many things the empty space in bed at side of you , eating alone , shopping for one . The list is endless.
I lost my husband 10 months ago suddenly to a heart attack. We had been married for 36 years.
I have been to talking tables and recently joined the U3A . And just had my first weekend away to see my granddaughter.
I also spend time walking my dog and swimming. Which helps to keep me busy .
Your local library is a really good place to start . As they. will have information on what is available in your area .
Look after yourself
Thanks for your reply, I am sure I can get used to being alone, but do not like being alone, I have always been used to sharing my life with my partner, now its only me, I have had to change my life in some ways more than just simply a change, 4 months ago I thought i was fit and healthy, but one morning I had a very small stroke but no damage done, at that time my partner thought she would out live me, but a month later she was in some pain and after checking out in hospital, a small tumor was found, on talking with doctors she thought that some chemo would sort it out as hospital said, but 2 weeks later she was dead , everything so fast. My self I had to have more checks which showed up I needed stents to some blocked arteries on my hart, just had one done 10 days ago, and another 4 to be put in this year. So so far I have lost my partner and now getting my own health seen to to survive, but ok at moment, But had a birthday card for my partner the other day as it would be her birthday this week, so it was a bit upsetting informing the friend who I had not been able to contact. I know i have to look at what I eat now, but in past always liked cooking, English, F French some Italian, Indian, and more along with making of chutneys ,bread etc, so a real change now, Yes I have friends but its not the same as having someone close you can put your arms around and hug. The other thing is I live in france, were I came 30 plus year’s ago and intend to live my life still here, at moment I am still recovering from my hospital visit and keeping out of heat, but have had to loose 12 kg since earlier in year, so not doing much cooking at moment, but now bored as cannot do much until recovered. But I do miss very much having that some one special you can hold and kiss share ideas, books and talk about art, gardening and lots of things, it was a way of life i miss so much
Hi @Will2263
It must be hard being on your own and being ill . You do need to look after your self
That’s what your partner would want you to do . Do you have any hobbies that could help keep you occupied while you recover.
There are one or two others on here who are in France
I wash you a speedy recovery
.
Hi Brandon, yes i agree with you, its learning how to be alone, but when we did spend so much time with that person special it feels so odd that we cannot share what we did before
Years I do not think i have Years, maybe but at just under 70 I may have 10 or 20 ? We never know, yes a large hole is there, my yoga said that you have to love yourself, but I think you still need to be able to love others. Now I try not to volunteer to do anything as I did I the past a lot. Now I only give the odd painting demo as I taught professionally often before, So I try to spend time doing what I want.
Hello Alex yes its so true now being alone is being lost in away I used to do a lot of the shopping too and cook, now I often find i end up throwing food away as i bought too much, but like you say a lot of friends are couples so you end up odd one out. My partner told me I had to continue before she died, but I think its learning how to ,because its so different to come to terms you are alone and now do things differently, yes time but its passing that time
Norm1 yes I agree its like a fog that you are within, and its trying to come to reality of whats happened, this week my partner would have had her birthday, I tried to contact every one we knew, but odd ones I did not know if thay had different phone no,s or had passed away themselves, and the other i had a birthday card wishing my partner happy Birthday, I ended up contacting this friend crying saying that my partner had died two months before, but we nevrknow whats around the corner, I will never forget my partner as loved her so much, but I am hoping I can get used to it in time
Hello Will, so sorry for the loss of your wife, and for your own health concerns . Its a lot grieving our spouse. Then worrying about our own health..i lost my husband in March, we’d been married 35 years…for me its hard getting up each morning and trying to do things. No motivation. But everyday I try..take care of yourself and may God bless you
@Will2263 We never know how much time we have. The man I just lost, faded away at 73.
Loving others is important, but first take care of yourself. Recovering your health is most important, and will be difficult alone. Have you friends or family?
I would think volunteering would be a welcome outlet, when and if you’re ready. You might find love again. I was just under 70 when my husband died, and I did find love again, and now, I have lost again. You will survive. This place helps
I know exactly how you feel but I feel a bit of a fraud in a way. I lost my husband of 22 years to cancer after him suffering for4years. He was only 65. I am 74 but it was his second year anniversary last month and it hit me so hard. I think the first year I was numb cos of all the things j had to do. But now I just feel like bursting into tears. Friends thjnk you should be over it but it seems to go worse. It’s thefirst time ive done this and tbh I don’t really know how I got here. If I went to a group would just sit thre with my mouth shut lol. I have been out with friends but ive stopped doing that now. Itsa good job I like to read and have a kindle. Can’t even settle to tv really. I know I’ll be fine but you would think I would be on the right road after 2 years. Sorry to ramble and thanks for reading.
Hello trisha5, im so sorry for the loss of your husband,.I lost my husband in March of this year, we were married for 35 years..my husband was my world, I miss him terribly. I still cry every day . We were the same age, same month..when you love someone so deeply, i think you will always mourn them, we have them in our hearts forever, sometimes we will have those awful moments, but I look forward to better times, i know my husband wants me to live not just exist..i hope things get better for you, take care and God bless you.
Sorry for your loss , I’m now ten months into my grief journey. My lovely partner of 40 years died suddenly last year. It was his birthday on Saturday and I got through the day ok but the past two days have been awful, just crying so much again. I just can’t get my head around spending years without him. Some people seem to move forward easier than others.
It’s been such a struggle, it’s caused me to lose my faith in God as I’m bitter and angry that a good man was taken away. Why does a benevolent God do that? We had so many plans for the future. I don’t have kids but have family support, however that doesn’t help with the loneliness. I just miss him so much and that is not going to change. I’m sick of being asked if I’m feeling better now or that I should get out more. Even when I do go out I m constantly thinking about him and our past life. I expect you feel much the same but we have no choice but to plod on and hope it will get easier. Take care.
Yes I very much agree with you, my partner will never be replaced, I so miss her. Now I think I must be going a bit mad or perverted in some way, as I have just been looking at a labatine site on Internet as I miss so much being able to cuddle a woman now or make love together, is this wrong to miss feelings like this, I do not know i just feel a need to feel another warm body against mine ?? Maybe I am being stupid??? should one have feelings like these after loosing one’s partner partner
Of course it’s not wrong to feel like this, the loss of our partners is the worst thing to happen, the most horrible experience ever. And the physical side of our lives together is not spoken about enough in my opinion. Why wouldn’t we miss the warmth of the person who knew us, and our bodies, so well. I’ll miss the warm connection I had with my Ray until the day I die.
They call it skin hunger I think, or maybe I’m wrong. You just miss the cuddling up together, and everything else. The place where you felt safe and understood. Now, nothing. It’s just so cruel.
Thank-you so much for your reply, you have got it very right and the feeling. It was something I wouldn’t dare to even ask a friend or my doctor, you miss so much the warmth of the others body and closeness, and yes we still had sex and enjoyed it until a few weeks before my partners death and now I am missing it, we once mentioned to my partners daughter about sex , and her daughter was disgusted that her mother had sex in early 80 s, I am 68 but it was never a problem. My partner wished me to continue with life and carry on, but I did wonder if I just had to forget ever having sex again. Thank you so much you have given me hope that one day I will
. Its a lot grieving our spouse. Then worrying about our own health..i lost my husband in March, we’d been married 35 years…for me its hard getting up each morning and trying to do things. No motivation. But everyday I try..take care of yourself and may God bless you 
. We were the same age, same month..when you love someone so deeply, i think you will always mourn them, we have them in our hearts forever, sometimes we will have those awful moments, but I look forward to better times, i know my husband wants me to live not just exist..i hope things get better for you, take care and God bless you.